were YOU a strong willed child?

[SweetCaroline]

how do you wish your parents would have dealt with you?
situations and examples from memory are welcomed :heart

my kids are getting to ages that i can remember being, how i thought, how i felt..
but i was not strong willed. and i have 1 who is. this would be really helpful for me.

[BarefootBetsy]

I was the reason my parents bought Dobson's The Strong Willed Child.

I'll think on your question for a bit and come back later :yes

[hey mommy]

I was the reason my parents bought Dobson's The Strong Willed Child.

I'll think on your question for a bit and come back later :yes

Same with me.....

[graceandmercy]

I was always called stubborn and sensitive, still am actually. :cry I wish my feelings were, and would be, validated and not just brushed aside and ignored.

[Mama Calidad]

I was the reason my parents bought Dobson's The Strong Willed Child.


My mom may still be convinced that the book was named in my honor. :shifty

First, I hate the phrase. Passionately. Besides which, would anyone really like a weak-willed child? Really? I mean it might be nice for a day with a toddler, but not something truly desirable in an adult, iykwim.

I have a strong remembrance of being spoken of between mom and other adults as "strong willed" as if I wasn't wise enough to pick up on their talk. Be very careful of the words and emotions you convey about your child when you think they don't understand or aren't paying attention. I mean it could turn out that you actually are wrong and now they know both that you are wrong and that you think negatively about them as a person. Before, you were just wrong. ;)

[Apple-Saucy]

I was not allowed to be strong willed...anytime my will shown through it was literally beaten and ridiculed and shamed into submission.

[bolt.]

I was a strong willed child.

I always wanted to be treated with the dignity of a real person -- which I percieved as the kind of freedoms and respect that adults have... which is quite impossible... but attempts could have been made.

I wanted to mind my own business, make my own choices and control my own life. I wanted my parents to show their love through accepting and honouring me. I wanted to be trusted. I wanted to know I mattered, and to know that the things I was doing were worthwhile.

If you have one like me, I would have been best managed through concepts like duty, honour, personal advancement, and sound theology (understanding covenants, sin, repentance etc.) -- rather than behaviourism.

The dynamic of, "Do what you are told or we can add unpleasantness to your life." Was a loose-loose proposition, as I was forced to either endure unpleasantness or deny my values and bend the steel within me. It broke the relationship because I could not, at my core, find any logical way to percieve the love of people who would subject me to that.

[Can'tTurnLeft]

I was not allowed to be strong willed...anytime my will shown through it was literally beaten and ridiculed and shamed into submission.

This exactly :cry

I'm very very much like my aunt. She and I have freakishly similar personalities. My mother used to get down on my level and tell me all the things she didn't like about my aunt and then how I was exactly like my aunt and that if I loved my mother I would stop doing those horrible things. Things like choosing to wear pants, not liking the color pink, wanting to go fishing. It was a horrible childhood.

I wish she would have found ways to redirect my spunk instead of shaming and hitting it out of me.

[Mama Calidad]

The dynamic of, "Do what you are told or we can add unpleasantness to your life." Was a loose-loose proposition, as I was forced to either endure unpleasantness or deny my values and bend the steel within me. It broke the relationship because I could not, at my core, find any logical way to percieve the love of people who would subject me to that.

:yes

A man can kiss and...have marital relations with a woman. It can be beautiful or it can be rape.

There's a lot of danger in parenting to get the outward look of compliance from children. Outward isn't worth anything, though, if you've achieved it through force.

There are a lot of times I remember being outwardly compliant because it was necessary, but inwardly it completely severed the relationship and it was not until I was in my 30s that it ever began to heal.

[graceandmercy]

:yes

A man can kiss and...have marital relations with a woman. It can be beautiful or it can be rape.

There's a lot of danger in parenting to get the outward look of compliance from children. Outward isn't worth anything, though, if you've achieved it through force.

There are a lot of times I remember being outwardly compliant because it was necessary, but inwardly it completely severed the relationship and it was not until I was in my 30s that it ever began to heal.

I agree, there are still many times I feel like I'm to do what my parents are expecting me to do and to do it "their" way. I won't get any support especially if it's not what they think I should be doing. If I do get support it's very minimal and pretty never any from my dad.

---------- Post added at 11:37 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:35 AM ----------

I love the comment that my mom tends to tell everyone! "She wasn't raised this way!!!!!" :hunh

[WanderingJuniper]

I was a spirited child and am a spirited adult. I think overall my parents did a wonderful job. The biggest thing they did to benefit me was letting me make and own my decisions within reason. They protected my from myself at times too.

The one major thing I wish my mom had understood what when I was young and having big feelings I did NOT want to have them fixed or talk about them. I just wanted someone to understand and sit by me if I wanted it or leave me be if I wanted it. Instead she would push and push to fix or help or solve. I know she meant well but it led to a good bit of me screaming "Leave me alone!" or just silently raging inside.

Now, I ask my girls "Do you want me to sit with you?" or "Do you want some time alone?" I try to not pester them with a zillion questions. I've learned they often don't know what or why they are having such a big reaction to a situation but that me pushing and pushing will only add a different confusing element to the complicated situation.

[Apple-Saucy]

This exactly :cry

I'm very very much like my aunt. She and I have freakishly similar personalities. My mother used to get down on my level and tell me all the things she didn't like about my aunt and then how I was exactly like my aunt and that if I loved my mother I would stop doing those horrible things. Things like choosing to wear pants, not liking the color pink, wanting to go fishing. It was a horrible childhood.

I wish she would have found ways to redirect my spunk instead of shaming and hitting it out of me.

Same experience...only it was everything she didn't like about my Father with "Lazy good for nothing and never amount to anything" thrown in for good measure.:-/

[LadybugSam]

no, i was the people pleasing, extremely sensitive child, my brother was the strong willed one. Hubby was though.

as an example, in school if you were caught running to the lunch line, they would make you turn around, go back, and walk. When i got caught running, i was extremely mortified and would go back and walk, holding back tears.

When my brother was told to go back and walk he was :hunh and told them that it was stoopid and that he wasn't doing it. They would threaten him with being sent to the principal's office but he would cross his arms and tell them that they couldn't make him.

Caleb is a lot like my brother :giggle

[forty-two]

First, I hate the phrase. Passionately. Besides which, would anyone really like a weak-willed child? Really? I mean it might be nice for a day with a toddler, but not something truly desirable in an adult, iykwim.

See, I've always taken the phrase "strong-willed" as being fairly neutral, encompassing all the good and bad that goes with that trait :shrug3. I claim that description rather proudly ;), and I've always been rather happy that our dc are strong-willed, as otherwise dh and I (strong-willed ourselves) would have probably run right over them without meaning to :doh. But ours have stood up for themselves from the beginning, and we are all the better for it :yes. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do with a non-strong-willed child :giggle - and I'm not even sure what one would look like - don't we all have strong opinions? :shifty

Anyway, overall I think my parents did a good job with me :). My mom and I had the occasional clash over my way vs her way, but there wasn't any shaming or anything in it - just two stubborn people who both wanted things their own way ;). My parents were always very good at setting an example - they never asked me to do something that they didn't themselves do - and even when I disagreed, I knew they weren't hypocrites, which was important to me. And my dad, who was pretty easy-going most of the time, talked to me a lot about how "most of the time different is just different, not wrong", and how "90% of things aren't worth fighting over - save your strength and resources for the 10% that are". Also that it isn't necessary to understand *why* another person prefers way 'x' to accept it both as true and as a valid preference. Took a long time to sink in ;), but it eventually did, and I'm a better person for it :yes.

Good things they did:
a) Usually explained why they wanted something a particular way (even though I usually then ripped their reasoning to shreds :sigh)
b) Respected my desires, even when they felt the need to override them - though generally they worked to accommodate everyone's needs, which was a big thing to me. I never felt they were denigrating my perspective, even when they were clear they they didn't understand it. (I don't think I always returned the favor :shifty.)
c) Didn't have a lot of rules, but were consistent with the ones they had, all of which made sense - were more "core principle" types of things, rather than regulating all the various ways they could be applied. And I was expected and trusted to use my own judgment in applying them pretty early on - and for the most part I lived up to it.
d) They always put us kids first - I never felt like any of their rules were for *their* convenience, and if a sacrifice needed to be made, they made it. But not in a martyrish way, but just in a matter-of-fact, "that's what parents do" way. And in such a way that neither mom or dad were having to do something that they really hated, just be somewhat inconvenienced in a way they felt they could handle. Mom and Dad had pretty good boundaries.

On the minus side is just little things, comparatively - in that I don't think I got enough practice to really ingrain the good habits they instilled in me. It might (or might not :shrug3) have been better if they had pushed me a bit more in developing self-discipline - I knew I *should* do it, but wasn't so hot at the carrying it out part, and I floundered badly in college. Particularly I kind of wish they'd pushed violin practice a bit more - they encouraged it, but left the decision up to me, and I didn't make wise choices and suffered the natural consequences :doh. But it's not the particular consequences I regret so much as having lost the opportunity to have developed the habit of steady work toward a goal - I'm *still* struggling with it now :sigh. But who knows - it might have backfired completely :shrug3.

ETA: And I was raised in a non-legalistic church that encouraged questions and thinking - I don't think I'd have fared well in other settings.

[Wonder Woman]

I am strong-willed. My parents never did break me :shrug Their attempts to do so broke our relationship, though.
Recognizing that your strong-willed child may actually have something to say that's worth listening to is a start :giggle Finding ways to help them channel their will - coming alongside them and being a team - will let them accept you as "authority" or "leader" far more than a head to head battle of the wills ever can do :yes

[mommylove]

I am cracking up that all the INTJ's have shown up to this thread. :sillygrin

[bolt.]

I am cracking up that all the INTJ's have shown up to this thread. :sillygrin
Now what could possibly be grin-worthy about that? :sillygrin

[MommaNae]

I have not read the other replies but I was/still am told that I am bossy, strong-willed, impossible.

My dad calls me the General and my mom bought me a charm for my charm bracelet when I was in high school that said The Boss.

I have very few memories from my childhood (maybe that's a good thing). I just remember wishing my parents would actually *listen* to me instead of talking over me or just enforcing their will that I comply.

I remember thinking that I wish my thoughts and feelings were thought of as valued as everyone elses.

I still shut my emotions off and force them down just like I learned to do as a child. I am also the oldest of 3 and my parents divorced when I was 12. I felt like I had to be an adult and make sure my siblings were cared for since neither parent was present 24/7. I never had big feelings about the divorce as a child but I think that was because I felt like I couldn't.

So when DS2 is losing his mind over something I think is silly I remember how I felt. I hear him and I tell him I hear him and try to fix whatever it is (within reason).

Basically I try to validate him and not tell him what he is feeling is silly. It's hard.

[Teacher Mom]

I'm not strong willed. I'm a natural born leader. ;)

[forty-two]

DH said that the one thing he wished his parents had done differently was not have such strict and wide-ranging (and logically unsupportable :shifty) rules about music. They bought into the whole "hard rock is eeeeeeeeevillllllllll" thing, and banned the whole genre, plus MTV (had it blocked from the TV). So what did dh do the minute he headed off to college? Set his radio to the hard rock station and watched MTV :shifty. And he learned that while some of it is in fact no good, much of rock music has merit, and concluded that his parents were wrong in banning it wholesale. Just imagine if *everything* (or nearly so) that his parents had told him turned out to be that way - the result wouldn't have been pretty :no.

My parents had no stated media/book restrictions - but I knew pretty well what was and wasn't acceptable :yes, and the few times I read something I knew I shouldn't have, I *knew* it wasn't a good idea, and that my parents would disapprove - an explicit rule wouldn't have made any difference, and might have pushed me into reading more bad stuff just *because* it was forbidden :doh. I myself am torn on the idea of media restrictions - but am inclined to my parents' approach overall.


Reading everyone's posts is heartbreaking :( - I think I (and dh) are the only ones who've posted thus far who had fundamentally good childhoods :hugheart. I can't fathom it :cry.

[WanderingJuniper]

Reading everyone's posts is heartbreaking :( - I think I (and dh) are the only ones who've posted thus far who had fundamentally good childhoods :hugheart. I can't fathom it :cry.
:no I would overwhelmingly count my childhood as positive. :yes:heart There were challenges but they were those things life just throws at you not created from relationships or life choices. Just a few things needed tweaking to fit "me." I'm sure my children will have somethings they'll want to change with their children too.:shrug3

[forty-two]

:no I would overwhelmingly count my childhood as positive. :yes:heart There were challenges but they were those things life just throws at you not created from relationships or life choices. Just a few things needed tweaking to fit "me." I'm sure my children will have somethings they'll want to change with their children too.:shrug3

Glad to hear it :). I know everyone has something they want to change - but to me the overall tenor of these posts were that of being belittled, shamed, and forced into submission at every turn, which seems incompatible with fundamentally happy to me :shrug. I'm very glad to know it's not everyone though :).

ETA: I'm probably misunderstanding all the "I wish my parents had tried to understand me" posts, b/c that with no disclaimer sounds so unbearably sad to me - I can't imagine living with people who didn't even *try* to understand me :shrug.

[racheepoo]

I am strong-willed. My parents never did break me :shrug Their attempts to do so broke our relationship, though.
Recognizing that your strong-willed child may actually have something to say that's worth listening to is a start :giggle Finding ways to help them channel their will - coming alongside them and being a team - will let them accept you as "authority" or "leader" far more than a head to head battle of the wills ever can do :yes

This was my sich, too. Although I made my peace with dad before he died, and my mom refuses to admit anything could have been done differently, so I'm not sure how much she cared about relationship from my POV anyway :shrug I think my parents genuinely did not *understand* me and that's why they kept trying to bring down the hammer...not because they thought I was inherently bad or needing to be contained, but because they couldn't understand or deal with anyone who was not like them. Kwim?

[bolt.]

I know everyone has something they want to change - but to me the overall tenor of these posts were that of being belittled, shamed, and forced into submission at every turn, which seems incompatible with fundamentally happy to me :shrug. I'm very glad to know it's not everyone though :).

ETA: I'm probably misunderstanding all the "I wish my parents had tried to understand me" posts, b/c that with no disclaimer sounds so unbearably sad to me - I can't imagine living with people who didn't even *try* to understand me :shrug.
I guess I was only answering the question as it was asked -- which seems to be about the points that could have been done better.

My parents were not constantly crushing my will... just about things that they considered important, when I was genuinely immovable by other means (due to my immaturity). They did try to understand me... but they couldn't. They didn't know how to be an excellent parent at all times, any more than those of us here would be able to do that impossibility. They were trying to be good to me... they just weren't able to get beyond their culture and indoctrination... but most people can't... it's actually a really hard thing to do.

There were many happy times in the family when I was young... it was just the head-to-head-child-never-wins dynamic was hard to take when it came to the forefront of things during a conflict... so we lacked a sense of warmpth and depth in our relationship.

(We're better now. When I became an adult they started treating me like an adult, which was how I'd wanted to be treated since I was 5.)

[forty-two]

I guess I was only answering the question as it was asked -- which seems to be about the points that could have been done better.

I get that, but the majority of the responses came across to me like someone saying that they wished their parents hadn't beaten them for every infraction - how is it *possible* that their childhood was fundamentally happy with that dynamic going on? (Yes, the dynamics described came across to me as that destructive.) I'm really glad that people *don't* feel that way, but I still am having a hard time reading the initial posts as anything but horrifying :shrug. Guess my perspective's skewed - better than the alternative, certainly!

[ArmsOfLove]

Yes I was

in fact, true story, I was helping my mother clear out some old papers a few years ago and found Dobson's original questionnaire for parents of strong willed children when he was doing research for his book :haha My mom hadn't filled it out but we :haha She was never a fan of Dobson so figured someone put her on the list :doh

As for how I wish I had been parented . . . there is a reason I developed GBD for myself and to share with others :heart

[Wonder Woman]

I get that, but the majority of the responses came across to me like someone saying that they wished their parents hadn't beaten them for every infraction - how is it *possible* that their childhood was fundamentally happy with that dynamic going on? (Yes, the dynamics described came across to me as that destructive.) I'm really glad that people *don't* feel that way, but I still am having a hard time reading the initial posts as anything but horrifying :shrug. Guess my perspective's skewed - better than the alternative, certainly!

Just to be very clear...my childhood was *not* fundamentally happy :shiver You've heard the saying 'the beatings will continue until morale improves'? I've never laughed at that...

[TraceMama]

I've taken a while to think about this before answering. :think

Yes, I was strong-willed, but at the same time I was absolutely compliant outwardly. :-/ My Mom still wouldn't characterize me as a "strong-willed child" -- that was my sister ;) The funny thing is, as adults I'm more typical of the "strong-willed child" markers than my sister is. :scratch

I'm pretty sure my will was subverted toward perfectionism and pleasing others and pursuing and achieving the "best I could do". :( There was no freedom in that. :sadno And inside I seethed against the shaming messages I received.

[Elora]

no. i'm very laid back and always have been

but my sis was. my mom's the awsomest, so even though she wasn't anti-spanking, she realized that it wasn't a good parenting tool especially for my sis. she made my sister a version of what you would call a comfort corner. only though it was a space she cleared out of a cloest. it had a pillow, blanket and all my sisters favorite stuffed animals and a nightlight. she also taught her to hit her bed and not us. we had "leader of the week" to prevent what issues we could. she was consistant and did not make idle threats. but she did pick and choose her battles. she respected my sister's need to express herself in big ways through clothing etc.

[mommylove]

del

[MomtoJGJ]

I was strong willed, but also obedient. I think it was because my parents trusted me fully, and DID treat me like an adult from an early age. I never felt belittled or shamed. I was angry at their stupidity at times, but I bit my bears nose until I felt guilty for hurting him :D I never have showed emotions, but my parents don't either. It wasn't a punishment issue, but rather an unspoken personality type thing.

I've thought about it... and I do believe that if my parents would have tried to control me I could have caused a lot of problems and done a lot of things I shouldn't have done. However they let me have my freedom and trusted me and I knew that as long as I kept that trust I'd keep that freedom so I never overstepped things.

I wasn't perfect, but my parents let me learn from my mistakes instead of punishing me because of them.

[AmyDoll]

My parents did OK until I got to be a teenager - I think I threw them for an awful loop.
When I was little - my mom gave me lots of freedom within nice boundaries. No fights over clothes, food, toys, playing. I didn't have any restrictions on books and I read everything. My mom was lax about school and grades but supportive & encouraging - like it was OK to get a D in math but if I expressed frustration and disappointment to her, she got me a tutor.

In high school she wasn't comfortable with or ready for me to make choices. It wasn't her strict rules like "you can go out once per weekend" or even the "you can't go out with a group - you can go out with *a* friend and be responsible to each other" those were fine. It was the lack of trust about choosing *where* I could go. I wasn't allowed to go to my boyfriend's house. I wasn't allowed to go to his school (bc it was too close to the city)
Anyhow - I got to college & I couldn't figure anything out. I got myself in *messes*
I didn't know how to navigate relationships well - I still have a tough time. Because I was only allowed out once - I chose my boyfriend & didn't develop girlfriend relationships.
My parents tried to control me from 4h away by removing money & privileges (like tuition and my car) - I got to be all done with them. I got a job (actually 3) and student loans and basically told them to go scratch. I was overly focused on being stubborn - I married *the wrong* man w/o my parents support. The stupid thing is - if they had loved and supported me unconditionally i probably would have left him sooner. It was LOVE that got me out of that relationship.

You can't control a strong willed child with POWER. You flex - that child is ready for a fight and oooo we play to WIN. And we're good at it. And we might be so good at it that we leave *you* thinking you won. We can be sneaky and focused and determined. A "no" isn't a NO at all it's a challenge to find a different way than thru u.

Validate feelings! We feel strongly. Let us know it's OK to be sad. It's ok to be angry. But also - let us know we can CHOOSE to have fun & feel happy - help us count our blessings and live in gratitude. I know I get stuck sometimes. I'm glad I have those skills.

---------- Post added at 08:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:08 AM ----------

:think this is a really public forum. I might come back and edit.

[melliethepooh]

:cup bbl

[SweetCaroline]

alright. so.
is the key no *direct* confrontation? or at least, avoid it when possible?
i've been trying to wrap all my requests and instructions into "suggestions" and give reasons why im giving the instructions..( im really trying to get her to agree with me - which, she will eventually. happily, not in an I overpowered you type of way. but if she feels part of the decision, it seems to make all the difference)
and only crack down when it REALLY matters.

[MomtoJGJ]

I think direct rules with freedoms were better for me than if my parents made suggestions...

Like, I never had a curfew... I could go anywhere I wanted, but I had to call if I changed from one place to the other to let my parents know where I would be. If I went somewhere else without telling them then I was only allowed to go one place the next time. It was a definite rule, not a suggestion, but it built trust... and it gave me freedom.

A suggestion that would work would be like "I really don't like those pants and would prefer for you not to wear them, what about these instead?" and then allowing your child to choose which to wear... the key would be that they don't have inappropriate clothes to choose from.

[Mama Calidad]

I think direct rules with freedoms were better for me than if my parents made suggestions...


Clear and concise with open communication before implementation and anytime thereafter, except during enforcement. :yes (i.e., I'm not going to stand there and discuss why we have a rule not to jump on the couch while the kiddo is jumping on the couch.)

These are the rules. This is why we have the rules. I'm willing to hear and discuss the rules with you...and change if I'm wrong.

And yeah, don't stake your life on an arbitrary rule that doesn't ultimately matter. It's not worth hurt all around to get a matching outfit to to play in the park. Don't get pulled into a fight that won't do anyone any good.

[bolt.]

alright. so.
is the key no *direct* confrontation? or at least, avoid it when possible?
i've been trying to wrap all my requests and instructions into "suggestions" and give reasons why im giving the instructions..( im really trying to get her to agree with me - which, she will eventually. happily, not in an I overpowered you type of way. but if she feels part of the decision, it seems to make all the difference)
and only crack down when it REALLY matters.
That sounds pretty good.

But what happens when you make a suggestion and your child decides s/he prefers the other alternative? S/he is not always going to willingly agree with you, and might resent constant attempts to talk her around -- such that s/he 'never wins'.

Is the other alternative to your suggestion really "OK" with you?

[Maggirayne]

Yes. BBL.

[mystweaver]

My relationship with my mom was very different from my dad, so I got to experience some of both. :shrug3

My dad was strong-willed, so he mostly knew what to do with me (and we both felt comfortable going at it, because neither of us felt 'bad' for trampling the other person.). Even as a little kid, he treated me as an adult (in my mind, which for a 6 year old is pretty big). He would explain things, have reasonable discussions, and (generally) listen to what I said.

There were also times where he would try to force things, either because he was tired, because I was a kid and not getting it, or because he just slipped into punitive mode, and then we would have knock-down-drag-out fights (where no one really won, but I did comply). It would affect our relationship for a little while (and I would be less trusting), but we had a foundation of trust and mutual respect, and he would always remind me that I was capable and he trusted me to figure it out.

My mom was not strong-willed, very punitive in her parenting, and totally clueless about how to parent me. She bought into the idea that questioning was defiance, and if she lost the battle, I would never respect her again. Needless to say, that backfired. I thought she wouldn't listen to me (or respect me), so I wouldn't listen to her or respect her (not to 'get back' at her--just the natural outworking of that relationship). She tried to out-stubborn a strong-willed child, lost, and turned over parenting of me to my dad when I was in Jr. High. :sigh

[SweetCaroline]

Is the other alternative to your suggestion really "OK" with you?

i guess..i'll only offer another option if it really is ok w/ me.

[bolt.]

It's just that your 'suggestion' plan implies the existence of another acceptable option, if your 'suggestion' is rejected. If that's not what the case really is, if the thing really isn't a chouce, than the suggestion strategy is not going to work very well.

[melliethepooh]

Alrighty, I've had some time to think this through. I'm also one who isn't bothered by the term 'strong-willed' except when it's used negatively and whose parents thought Dobson wrote 'The Strong Willed Child' just for me.

I wish my parents had: Trusted me more, respected my personal sovereignty, tried to understand me, validated my feelings.

I wish they had not: Compromised their relationship with their adult daughter via their parenting practices, used the 'frighten a small child into submission' tactic. :sick

I have big reactions. Always have, probably always will. It's a point of contention even now with DH. When I was a child, I would be punished for having those reactions. I did need to learn to control them, but my parents needed to understand that:
-the emotion was valid even if the response was unacceptable
-I needed to understand that they understood before they 'corrected' the behavior (which was rarely done in an effective manner IMO)
-A lot of the outbursts were due to feeling disrespected and bulldozed, which compounded the problem

There was a thread not too long ago about strong willed children being 'sensitive', and I was...to disrespect. If I didn't feel an adult was listening to me, I wouldn't respect him or her, which for eighteen some years perfectly described how I felt about my parents.

[Sparrow]

I was always called stubborn and sensitive,

:heart me too. I like the book called Raising your Spirited Child. I like persistent and tenderhearted. :)