Need help and Need to talk

[rugare]

Hi Everyone,
I have been a member for awhile, however, I am not online all that much so my post count is low. I hate for this to be my introduction thread, as I don't want this to be the first impression any gets of me.

However, my heart is just breaking and I feel like I need someone to just talk to and to lay it all out. I hope I am posting this in the right place. If not, please feel free to move it.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am a Christian. I have two little children who are 4 and 2.5 yrs old. I love them with all of my heart and THANK GOD for blessing me with them. I practice Attachment parenting and Gentle Discipline. At least I did practice Gentle Discipline until yesterday. I messed up yesterday, and I need help.

I feel like I need to post here for accountability and to get the sin out in the open. Instead of just hiding it away.

You see I was having one of those long, hard days that are especially hard. I know you as moms will understand those kinds of days. The kids kept fighting, the house was getting trashed, they were being very whiny, etc. In the afternoon, I asked my kids to help pick up their toys before their dad got home. My oldest started throwing the biggest temper tantrum ever and was literally screaming because he didn't want to pick up his toys. I put him in the other room and told him that he needed to stay in there until he could talk to me in a calm voice and not scream at me. Well, he loses his temper and starts hitting things and doing damage to the things in the room. I felt totally out of control at how he was acting and didn't know what to do. So I lost my self control and gave him a spanking.

As soon as I did it I knew that I had messed up. I was so convicted and felt like I had just done something terrible. How could I raise my hand and hit my litte boy? One of the things I love most in this world? The son I was given to protect?

I have been praying for forgiveness. However, my heart still feels like it is breaking. (I can't even describe how it feels like it is breaking.) I also feel like such a hypocrite because I have spent the past 4 years preaching about how spanking is wrong.

So I guess I am wondering, What can I do now? What do I say to my son? I wish so much I could travel back in time and undo what has been done. But I can't. :( I am just praying that my son is able to forgive me and that I didn't do any damage.

[mommy2abigail]

:hugheartIm so sorry that happened. I have been right at that verge lots of times, and while I've not actually done it, I have threatened it. :blush Know that God forgives you. Your little boy will too. Grace is for mamas too. :hugheart

[EnglishRose]

O hunny, whenever we confess our sins Jesus says 'your sins are forgiven. His grace is sufficient even for tired, stressed out mummies!

I would talk to you child, tell him how some people spank their children (how you were spanked if you were) but you think it's wrong and not what God wants. You made a mistake and are sorry and you hope to never do it again. - Hopefully it will be a good learning opportunity (He gives 'beauty for ashes', even the rubbish things can turn out ok with God).

One act doesn't cancel out four years of love.:no

Oh and don't worry about this being your first thread, there's no judgement for you!


:heart:hugheart

[mommylobster]

:hugheart

Don't dwell on this. Just know that today is a new day. Everybody makes mistakes, no mom is perfect. We are all trying and have struggles and super hard days :hug

Use this as an opportunity to show your son restitution.

Look at how you can take care of yourself so that you feel you have the energy and strength to get through days like this. Are you taking time for yourself? Do you have someone to give you a break when you need it?

And look at other ways that you could try next time so that you have tools when it gets like that. For example you could call someone. If I have times like this I call my DH at work or my sister at home. They are safe people that I can share with and they help me calm down.

HUGE :hugs

---------- Post added at 07:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:44 PM ----------

[/COLOR]

One act doesn't cancel out four years of love.:no



:clap so true :heart

---------- Post added at 07:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:44 PM ----------



Oh and don't worry about this being your first thread, there's no judgement for you!


:heart:hugheart

no judgment here :no :hug

[TrinMama]

:hugheart We all make mistakes. I have made the same mistake you are heart-broken over. :blush When I have, I immediately apologize and let my child know it was wrong, Mama shouldn't have done it, and I will do my best to act better in the future.

When I feel myself nearing breaking points, when I might act poorly again, I often move myself away (go to another room) and take several deep breaths and pray for grace before I go interact with my child again. :hug2

[RachelB]

:hugheart

We all fall short of the ideals we have for ourselves. I don't personally struggle with spanking, but I do struggle with yelling and impatience. When I yell, I feel ashamed and defeated and heartbroken. I feel the way you're feeling now. I'm sure there's not a mama here who doesn't know that feeling.

To me, the most important thing is to talk to your child about what happened. Apologize. Tell him that you don't believe that hitting is okay, and that you will try soooo hard not to let that happen again. This is an opportunity to teach him that you are not perfect (and by extension, that you don't expect him to be), and show him how to make restitution when you behave inappropriately.

There is a saying around the board that grace is for mamas, too. :heart

[rugare]

Thank you everyone for talking to me about this. Thank you for all of your replies.

[3boysforme]

:hug2 We have all been there Momma.

[Zooey]

:hugheart

To me, the most important thing is to talk to your child about what happened. Apologize. Tell him that you don't believe that hitting is okay, and that you will try soooo hard not to let that happen again. This is an opportunity to teach him that you are not perfect (and by extension, that you don't expect him to be), and show him how to make restitution when you behave inappropriately.


This. Absolutely this.
Everything everybody else said too, but this line I bolded is exactly what I was going to say.
Parents' apologies to children mean everything to small people.
:hug2:hug2:hug2:hug2
:pray4:pray4:pray4:pray4:pray4

[jewelmcjem]

A very common phrase here at GCM, you probably haven't run across yet, that I must quote to myself at least daily:

Grace is for mamas, too!

[raining_kisses]

Everyone already said the same things I would have. Big hugs to you mama.:hug

[Jeanette598]

:hug2 He will be okay. I want to echo what others are saying about the importance of apologizing to your kids when you lose control. It makes a huge difference. My dad still remembers a time when my grandpa, who traveled a lot for work, woke Dad up because he wanted to apologize for something before he left for a business trip. :heart That act of making amends made a much bigger impact on my dad than whatever wrong was initially committed.

I wish that my dd1 did not have my temper, but since she does have a hot temper, I take very seriously my role as an example for her. I want to model for her how to handle her anger, but I also need to model what to do when I don't handle it well. It's simply not realistic to hope that we will never mess up, so it's crucial for our kids to see us deal with our mistakes when we do. A sincere apology goes a long way.

May I also gently say that accepting grace is something else we need to model for our children? The Bible is clear that God promises to forgive us when we confess our sins to him. :heart If God no longer holds our sin against us, we also need to let it go.

Maybe read some good Scripture verses about forgiveness? Psalm 103:8-12, Isaiah 1:18, and 1 John 1:9 are wonderful ones. :heart

[mommylobster]

How have things been since your post? :hug

[Soliloquy]

How old is your little boy? If he's old enough and wants to talk about it, you can share your feelings with him. Adults make mistakes. :yes2 I have done many things as a mom that I regret. I have lashed out in frustration and anger. :yes2

I'm certainly not saying it's good when I lose my temper but God can use it to help all of us grow. When my mom hit or yelled at me, it was always justified. When I lose my cool with my kids, I apologize and we talk about how it's never ok to hurt people because we're angry. But, if we do, we can make amends and that God forgives us. :heart

and ITA that one moment in time doesn't undo everything else you've done. :heart

[Aerynne]

One act doesn't cancel out four years of love.:no



This.

I've done it, too. :hugheart I was a mom for six years before I hit one of my kids, but I've done it a few times. And I regret it. You do the same thing you do w/ any sin- repent, apologize, and know you can be forgiven, both by your LO and by the Lord.

[FebFaith]

:hug2 I agree with all that has been said here and I pray :pray4 you find encouragement here and can trade your shame for His joy. Be thankful that because this has happened it has cemented the "No Spank" philosophy in your brain and heart. I made the mistake many years before I understood there was a different way.