Those of you who have grown children...

[MommyInTraining]

Hello, it's me again. :D

I *know* I've seen a thread on here asking for those of GCM who have done GBD with their children, who are now grown...but I can't for the life of me find it! Can anyone provide a link?

Thanks so much!!! I just want/need to see the encouraging stories from moms who have done this and who's children are grown now. How did they "turn out"? (lol, for lack of a better way to put it?! :) ) What is your relationship with them like? Any regrets or things you wish you would have done better?

I feel like a sponge, just soaking up anything and everything I possibly can! Thanks mommas!!!

[mystweaver]

Ooo, me too!

:popcorn

[katiekind]

They are people like you and me. They have their awesomenesses, their wonderfulnesses and they have their problems. It is hard to say at what point a person has "turned out" since we can all say, like those old bumper stickers, "Please be patient, God's not finished with me yet."

We have great relationships with them all. :heart :heart :heart It is really fun to have grown up kids. We are still in parent mode with the youngest and he lives at home, so sometimes there is friction there, but mostly it's good and we're just all trying to do our best.

[raining_kisses]

I wondered the same thing when I first joined. :hug Almost a year later and I have met some of the moms on here with older kids(not grown, but still.) and they are AWESOME kids. Polite, smart, funny, and CARING.

---------- Post added at 03:08 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:06 PM ----------

here (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=353809&highlight=GBD+olders) is the thread I started about this when I first joined.

[MommyInTraining]

Thank you ^all above!^ I have been reading lots!! :D

[jenn3514]

My oldest is 19, then 10. DH and I have a great relationship with her. She is in college, and if we don't touch base with her weekly via facebook, text or phone, she calls us. She is responsible, kind and has a great relationship with her younger siblings. We had rough spots, but we got through them, non-punitively (for the most part) and I see how it affects her as she deals with various situations in life.
As my ten yo is getting older, it has been amazing to see her as she observes the world around her and form her own opinions. Or how she interacts with her special needs sister who can be highly demanding. Or interacts with her friends, because 10 yo girls can be a little over the top. How she will talk to a crying baby in the store. I guess what I'm getting at is that gbd doesn't just carry over into how they "behave", but it carries over into how they "live".

[Wonder Woman]

my son is 7, so he hasn't "turned out" yet :giggle But I can say that he's been GBD'd pretty much from birth, and he's an amazing child :heart
He has his moments ... today, for instance, he was stomping around and muttering and slamming his toys when asked to clear the table for breakfast. GBD allowed me to see that while what he was doing was terribly disrespectful and rude, he also hadn't had breakfast and had fallen asleep without supper the night before because he was tired. So instead of "correcting" him, we fed him. Partway through the meal, he was ready to a) discuss what he had done b) make amends for it and c) be a lot more cheerful :giggle

After breakfast was over, he voluntarily got dressed and shoveled off our entire deck by himself, since I was doing chores indoors and Dad was snowblowing and he "wanted to help the family with some teamwork" :shrug I could have, and according to some should have, tried to "correct" him when his attitude was rotten.

But thankfully, GBD gives me the tools to address the real root of the problem. :yes I can't wait to see what kind of adult he becomes - because he's an incredible boy so far :heart

[MommyInTraining]

To Jenn and Wonder:
Just saw your posts today!! Sorry - I'm new and just learning to keep track of what and where I post! :) Wow though, your replies are SOOOO encouraging to me!! Thank you for taking the time. I am slowly making the radical paradigm shift and I am understanding a lot more and your stories are definitely confirming to me. :)

Wow. Can't wait to experience this. Ups and downs and all. :)

[katiekind]

Sorry - I'm new and just learning to keep track of what and where I post!

The UserCP is your good friend for this...it lists threads you've posted in. :-) Look for the UserCP link in the upper lefthand area of GCM, right above the "Notices".

[Joanne]

My kids are now teens and have been GBD'd.

I want to say, though, that *most* people turn out ok, just fine, adequate and not extreme. I say that not to discount GBD. ;) I say that because there is no parenting paradigm that is so predictable that you can predestine a path.

Reaonable parenting, regardless of minimal spanking or use of time out or unrelated punishment, will give reasonable "chances" to children.

The gap and the focus and the concern over early discipline choices closes. Eventually, most parents realize that what they do when their child runs into the street, turns off the computer or tv, hits their silbing............are all things we do until they outgrow that behavior.

There is not a straight line in parenting.

It doesn't work like this:

Spank = aggressive child
Spank = well behaved child
Go to church = Christian as an adult
Not go to church = not Christian as an adult
Minimum punishment = less likely to use drugs
Over-punished = more likely to get into trouble

Parenting is not formulaic or linear. Sometimes, good kids come from dysfunctional famlies. Sometimes bad kids come from great ones.

Much of the parenting debate is over-rated. What counts is relationshiip. And even THAT does not proscribe a destiny.

[katiekind]

I want to say, though, that *most* people turn out ok, just fine, adequate and not extreme. I say that not to discount GBD.

:tu Exactly.

And of course this is why we can (and should) take our eyes off the "idol" of "promised results" and start following Jesus, being Christians with and to our children. Life is a journey wherein we learn and grow....it's not a recipe that we bake up at 350 degrees for 45 minutes and pull perfectly done [whatevers] out of the oven to the applause and amazement of those around us.

[MommyInTraining]

That was really good Joanne! Thank you. :)
I agree that there's no perfect formula. It's amazing how two kids from the same family, raised the same way, can "turn out" so radically different from each other. And different personalities perceive things different ways. What didn't hurt one may crush another. I am definitely seeing a need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit...only He knows how to perfectly meet ever need/problem!

I guess what I am becoming determined to do in our home as a parent is to do our best not to shame, to do our best to let our children know that they are deeply loved and to be as gentle as possible in all our interactions with them; and to teach them as much about our grace-filled Father as possible (as I am learning what grace is myself) The end result is up to the Lord! Hallelujah! <3

P.S. I love what you said about "What counts is relationship." AMEN

[katiekind]

I had some "how they turn out" moments today to share with you all.

First of all, my oldest son called me this morning to tell me all about his first date with a woman he had asked me to pray about the night before. :heart It was a fun and deep conversation. He's not at ALL tied to the apron strings....I don't want to give that impression.

At one point he was telling me about her parents and commented, "but I don't think she has as good a relationship with her parents as I do". He went on, "for example, I doubt she's calling HER mom and talking to her about the date last night."

And now I am looking forward to when our middle son and his girlfriend will be coming over for dinner tonight. My son texted me and suggested he bring the appetizers. And that's how he is, he'll usually bake a loaf of sourdough bread or mix up a batch of cookies or something to bring.

I was just thinking how blessed I am and how much I love being the mother of my adult children. :heart

[newday]

My kids are now teens and have been GBD'd.

I want to say, though, that *most* people turn out ok, just fine, adequate and not extreme. I say that not to discount GBD. ;) I say that because there is no parenting paradigm that is so predictable that you can predestine a path.

Reaonable parenting, regardless of minimal spanking or use of time out or unrelated punishment, will give reasonable "chances" to children.

The gap and the focus and the concern over early discipline choices closes. Eventually, most parents realize that what they do when their child runs into the street, turns off the computer or tv, hits their silbing............are all things we do until they outgrow that behavior.

There is not a straight line in parenting.

It doesn't work like this:

Spank = aggressive child
Spank = well behaved child
Go to church = Christian as an adult
Not go to church = not Christian as an adult
Minimum punishment = less likely to use drugs
Over-punished = more likely to get into trouble

Parenting is not formulaic or linear. Sometimes, good kids come from dysfunctional famlies. Sometimes bad kids come from great ones.

Much of the parenting debate is over-rated. What counts is relationshiip. And even THAT does not proscribe a destiny.

Joanne - I very much agree with this and understand your point.

I see some obvious differences between my girls before GBD and after GBD. They are more cooperative, gentle and confident. They treat their brothers with respect and tenderness that they didn't receive when they themselves were toddlers/babies - because now they know better :tu

The main difference though, to me, is the difference in my own heart and perceptions. I am so much more mature, so much more at ease and appreciative of my children's differences. I am so much more responsive to their individual needs. I realize so much more, now - as opposed to before GBD, how very unique they are and how precious that really is. :heart
I have no idea how they will turn out...but that's ok because it never was in my hands... but I do feel like I am offering so much more as a mother now, and as a person who wants to "look" like Christ to them.

---------- Post added at 03:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:58 PM ----------

:tu Exactly.

And of course this is why we can (and should) take our eyes off the "idol" of "promised results" and start following Jesus, being Christians with and to our children. Life is a journey wherein we learn and grow....it's not a recipe that we bake up at 350 degrees for 45 minutes and pull perfectly done [whatevers] out of the oven to the applause and amazement of those around us.

Are you sure about that?
Because I have read some books that state otherwise :shifty :P~ :rolleyes

[katiekind]

Are you sure about that?
Because I have read some books that state otherwise :shifty :P~ :rolleyes
LOL!!

:hug