Can you help me?

[OneLove]

So I am pretty new to the gentle discipline stuff and still learning a lot. I am a part of a meetup group that has discussions and this one came up and I am not coming up with the right way to respond and was hoping for some help. I have written so many different responses out without posting but none of them seem to get my point across clearly and concisely. I don't know these people very well...if at all so I want to be careful how I come across...any input/ideas are appreciated.

So the question was (edited out details): as of right now i've been watching a lot of supernanny and trying to do what i see there. today i was decked in teh head with a toy. and i just dont know how to fix it. any and all advice/stories would be appreciated

She has gotten a lot of pro spanking advice basically like this one: We prefer to avoid corporal punishment, too; however, we have found that it's good for your child to know you will spank if nothing else works. I was a Teacher for seven years, and I see where the no spanking at home has gotten us. When I'd say I'd call their parents, kids didn't even care. They do need something to be a real threat to them.

:( Its so hard to hear...

[Can'tTurnLeft]

How old was the kid? Advice will vary wildly based on age

[OneLove]

Oh sorry about that...the kid is 3.5 years old boy.

[Can'tTurnLeft]

Get down on the child's level and say "we don't throw toys, we play gently. I'm going to put this toy up for a while. Lets find some others to play with"

[raining_kisses]

One point that always stands out to me about hitting a child as punishment for the child hitting: How does that even make sense? DS was hit by my nephew one time and my brother spanked him and said "we don't hit!!" ugh...you just did!

[OneLove]

Thanks...would you mention anything about the negatives of spanking or just avoid that all together?

[raining_kisses]

No, that will probably just make her defensive. I would go with what CTL said. :hug

[OneLove]

Thanks so much you guys :D

[raining_kisses]

FWIW, my 1 year old just whacked me in the back of the head today with a wooden train car. It hurt, a lot. Hitting him back would have just been the immature child in me coming out and "getting even" with him by hitting him back. I am not saying everyone feels that way, I just know I do when he hits me and it hurts. It's a gut reaction, but it really doesnt teach them anything.

[mountainash]

When you are wronged by your child, you can wrong them back and in so doing may effectively deter them from wronging you in the future, but this also teaches children that the answer to being wronged is to seek retribution. IMO, this dynamic is largely responsible for the rise in frequency and severity of bullying. It's the "eye for an eye" mentality that Jesus came to repudiate.

A child of any age (and an adult, too, for that matter) cannot be allowed to hurt others. That boundary must be enforced. It doesn't serve the parent or the child well to be allowed to behave in such a way. There are however many, many non-violent ways to enforce it. You can choose to leave the presence of the child until the child has regained control of himself. You can restrain the child gently. If the impulse to throw something is overwhelming the child, you can help the child find appropriate items to toss back and forth. And you can practice using words instead of actions to express anger and frustration. My list could go on but I think I've made my point. The child may not respond as rapidly to these tactics and parents may be put off by the lack of satisfaction they forfeit in sacrificing their own desire for retribution, but they will ultimately find a greater depth of character developed.