What happens when you GBD a verbal child from birth

[MarynMunchkins]

Cutie Pie is my 4th kid. She's 4. She's exceptionally verbal (and brilliant in every other way, of course. ;) ) and speaks incredibly well.

She's rather whining today - fighting an ear infection and getting tired of having siblings around who are usually at school. She's standing next to me whining about the baby giving her "bad looks". :rolleyes2 I ask her what she wants because her whining is annoying me.

She answers, "I'm tired and my ear hurts. I want some drops in my ears, and then I want to sit in your lap. I need some alone time with you, so I can just cuddle without anyone else bothering me."

:rockon You got it, kiddo! :tu

[mamajane]

:)

[April G]

:melting :heart How sweet.

[euromom]

:heart

[poleidopy]

duuuude :melting

:heart :rockon

[rjy9343]

:heart

[The Tickle Momster]

:rockon

[Barefoot Bookworm]

:heart

[Maggirayne]

:heart

Can you be my mommy so I know how to be nicer?

[Niphredil]

Does this kick in at 4? Cause that would be fab. My GBD'd verbal 3.5 year old just looks at me like "You can't read my mind? You should KNOW what I need! The floor and I are one! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!" :hissyfit

[gpsings]

That's so inspiring! Thank you!!! :heart

[PDX Mommy]

:heart

[DancingWithElves]

i love that :lol

i love it when ds asks for exactly what he wants and it *never* crosses his mind that the person may not do that for him. he makes our coop preschool mamas laugh with his requests. we're mostly used to it, but still laugh sometimes

from a few nights ago:

"I'll need a snack to fall asleep. A piece of bread with first butter, then nut butter, and then plum butter on top. NOT toasted. And then a hot watter bottle on my belly. Then i'll fall asleep better" :giggle

[mariposa]

Cutie Pie is my 4th kid. She's 4. She's exceptionally verbal (and brilliant in every other way, of course. ;) ) and speaks incredibly well.

She's rather whining today - fighting an ear infection and getting tired of having siblings around who are usually at school. She's standing next to me whining about the baby giving her "bad looks". :rolleyes2 I ask her what she wants because her whining is annoying me.

She answers, "I'm tired and my ear hurts. I want some drops in my ears, and then I want to sit in your lap. I need some alone time with you, so I can just cuddle without anyone else bothering me."

:rockon You got it, kiddo! :tu

That is very cool!!! :rockon

Does this kick in at 4? Cause that would be fab. My GBD'd verbal 3.5 year old just looks at me like "You can't read my mind? You should KNOW what I need! The floor and I are one! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!" :hissyfit
This just cracked me up..."The floor and I are one!". :haha

[sarahbeth]

Hope for the future! :D

[kiloyd]

:heart:heart:heart

Wow!!!

[Maggie]

:rockon :heart :heart

[TuneMyHeart]

Does this kick in at 4? Cause that would be fab. My GBD'd verbal 3.5 year old just looks at me like "You can't read my mind? You should KNOW what I need! The floor and I are one! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!" :hissyfit

This is E, and she's almost 5. So either it hasn't kicked in yet, or more than likely, Mary is a much better mama than me. ;)

[joyinthejourney]

Wow, that sounds just like our ds (4)!! But, I've been viewing as "demanding & picky". Thanks for the perspective. :O

[J3K]

My dd was about 3 (last child) and after ignoring her for awhile she turned to face me with her hands on her hips and said "MOTHER ! I require hydration ! ".

I asked "you're thirsty ?" while laughing.

She said "Yes , isn't that what I just said ?"

around the same age I'd taught her to tell me when she was reaching her unhappy place. Not after the fact , before. So we're in the store , she's sitting in the cart while I'm talking to a stranger about shampoo. Dd looks up says "Excuse me , Mother ? I've about had it. I need to go home. Get somewhere quiet. A snack would be fun too." and then she sat back down. I thought the stranger was going to cough a lung she was laughing so hard.

[MarynMunchkins]

:giggle Shannon, you're on your 1st 4 yo. I'm on my 4th. If I'm better, it's only because I've had more practice. ;)

We've had the same kind of experience with my introvert too. "Mommy? All these other children are overwhelming me. I'd like to go home and play on the computer alone now." :lol

[Dandelion]

Mary, you so awesome:heart

[TestifyToLove]

Yes, I've had several conversations with older siblings recently. 4 year olds simply want the world THEIR way. The older siblings who want to assist her thing it can happen *any* way, but well, she's 4 and knows it must happen HER way.

I keep explaining that we must respect her and do things the way she wants them done. Yes, I know its functionally the same to do it another way, but she does not care. Respect her need for consistency and HER order and they WILL calm down. Argue with her, and she will meltdown.

The big one right now is that she likes Ramen noodle soup. She wants it cooked in the microwave and not on the stovetop. The flavoring packet must be put in before putting it in the microwave, and the noodles must be shaken apart in a very precise manner after the soup is cooked.

She's really good at telling you EVERY step she wants if you ask her. Its when you ignor her, or worse argue with her. yeah she's then one with the floor on you.

[Niphredil]

She's really good at telling you EVERY step she wants if you ask her. Its when you ignor her, or worse argue with her. yeah she's then one with the floor on you.

Is this the/a difference between 3.5 and 4 then? I want to know every step. I want to do it her way. ANYTHING to keep the incessant wailing at bay. But she doesn't know. She can't tell me. It's like she knows but can't express it and it's going to put us both in the cuckoo's nest. :crazy

[Stiina]

This is so precious!!! I hope to be a fraction as patient and understanding as you mamas are! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[jewelmcjem]

Does this kick in at 4? Cause that would be fab. My GBD'd verbal 3.5 year old just looks at me like "You can't read my mind? You should KNOW what I need! The floor and I are one! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!" :hissyfit

Add in a few "poopyhead"s and you've got Fiona. I'm praying for 4!!!

[rjy9343]

i love that :lol

i love it when ds asks for exactly what he wants and it *never* crosses his mind that the person may not do that for him. he makes our coop preschool mamas laugh with his requests. we're mostly used to it, but still laugh sometimes

from a few nights ago:

"I'll need a snack to fall asleep. A piece of bread with first butter, then nut butter, and then plum butter on top. NOT toasted. And then a hot watter bottle on my belly. Then i'll fall asleep better" :giggle
:haha I love it!!!

[Stiina]

Ok...I've been thinking about this a LOT...

DS is only 11 months, but I want to know - HOW do you do this? Just make sure to always ask them what they want, and comply (as long as it's not dangerous)?

[allisonintx]

you talk. a lot. You name their feelings and you offer verbal solutions. You script them when they need help doing it themselves.

To the crabby toddler sitting on the floor, grousing: "You're cranky because you're tired. You need a snack and a cuddle so that you can sleep"

To the crabby preschooler, "You know, instead of standing there poking your sister, why don't you tell me what you really need right now."

Most children really do know what they need, and if they're encouraged to tell you early and often, they learn to not only name their feelings but the solutions they need to help them when they get Big.

My only child who doesn't do this well is my son, who is an EXTREME introvert, who has been miffed from birth that won't read his mind. He is convinced that I actually AM a mind reader and I'm holding out on him. :giggle

[TestifyToLove]

Yes, and you also respect that they are a person TOO. Rather than bullying them when they want something, you listen to them and you respect their right to have preferences as well.

If you view your child as your advisary, you would see specific requests as a me versus them situation. You would think that you must teach them who is boss and certainly cannot allow them to dictate what happens.

Of course, you and I have our preferences, don't we? I prefer to have my covers set a certain way. I prefer my heat on a certain temperature. I prefer to make my sandwich in a prescribed fashion. What makes MY preferences more important than my child's? That's I'm big and get to say so? Why?

With my kids, I respect their right to have their own opinions and preferences from the very beginning. Now, if you want mayo on your sandwich and I'm out of mayo and cannot get to the store right now, then I'm going to acknowlege your preference and ask you to settle on something I can accomodate. However, if the four year old feels her Ramen noodles somehow are *better* because they were microwaved versus cooked on the stove, that they taste better if the flavor packet was put in before they were nuked and that her noodles are then shaken and not stirred loose, is it really a big deal? She was allowed to have the Ramen noodles anyway. If she has big feelings about HOW she gets them...and I really don't, then why can't she have her preferences honored the same way I do?

If she wants to have her back patted this way and not that way, well, she was going to get her back patted anyway. If she wants this blanket and not that one, its okay. If she's not being ugly about it. If she's not demanding things that are unreasonable or I don't believe are appropriate, its okay. Four year olds feel SAFER when they can set rules and know their world is going to follow those rules. Its not them being brats or controlling, its how their minds work at that age. Its a stage they WILL outgrow. Its easier to understand where they are coming from and simply help them feel safe in their world when possible then to fight them or tell them they are wrong.

And yes, its a difference between three and four. I really don't like three year olds. They might know what they want. They might even be verbal enough to be capable of stating it. However, they are very emotional little creatures and simply melt down before they remember to use their words because they haven't really learned that you cannot read their minds yet. By four, they have the communication skills to tell you what they want AND the cognitive ability to understand that you cannot read their mind and just know what they want.

[Heather Micaela]

:giggle Shannon, you're on your 1st 4 yo. I'm on my 4th. If I'm better, it's only because I've had more practice. ;)

We've had the same kind of experience with my introvert too. "Mommy? All these other children are overwhelming me. I'd like to go home and play on the computer alone now." :lol
I'm on my thrid. Does that mean I still have hope :giggle

Mine is pretty verbal when she wants to be, but not consistently.

ONe thing I have learned is sometimes they can be upset over the past.

Al will come up to me all upset about the mean boy at McDonalds on her birthday. Which was several months ago. And she repeats in detail why she was ofended and why he is not a good listener

[TestifyToLove]

L just brought her Daddy downstairs to pull her frozen pizza out of the oven. I heard her directing him to the kitchen.

"I'm hungry. When people's bellies hurt, that means they are hungry. Mine hurts cause I'm HUNGRY."

Daddy reassured her he was getting her food as fast as he could and she was not going to starve. Her directions and instructions are only frazzling him a little bit this morning. However, he worked until 10:30 last night and heading back to work now.

[J3K]

when you consistently GBD from early on , I've seen benefits clear into their teen years.

dd13 while she was on her cycle told me EXACTLY what she needed. A hot water bottle for her feet , they were cold. Some hot tea for her belly. And finally..."please Mom...just let me be. They are just cramps. I'm not gonna die. Promise."

yet still I get people asking me "You let her say that to you ?" (the let me be part). I said "If you said to leave you alone I'd honor it. Would you honor it if I said it ?" (nods) "would you honor it if a stranger said it ?" (nods) then why not honor it when a child says it ? They're people too. She asked politely. Truthfully , even if she was grumpy about it , I'm not about to stay and mock her. That's just cruel.

and again I get the "oh...well. Glad that works for you."

[MomtoJGJ]

wow J3K.... I can't believe that a parent wouldn't honor that request in any form from a 13yo girl unless it was obvious that the girl didn't mean it and was just saying it.... in which case I'd still leave her alone and likely slip a note under her door. That just made me sad....

[Stiina]

you talk. a lot. You name their feelings and you offer verbal solutions. You script them when they need help doing it themselves.

To the crabby toddler sitting on the floor, grousing: "You're cranky because you're tired. You need a snack and a cuddle so that you can sleep"

oKAY! This makes SENSE! (total lightbulb moment here)...So, this is something I can start now. I was confused earlier...I thought "there MUST be a way to do this with a non-verbal baby, because they have to get it from somewhere"!

So, this morning, I started. Do you do it for good things too? Like, "You're happy because I put the dryer to go, and you like hearing the balls bang around, and touching the warm door".

This one I felt proud of: "You're crying because you accidentally bit your finger...Mommy will clean you up and hold you and make it better".

I can DEFINITELY see where this will be awesome to do!

I am so so so so so grateful that I found this forum, and found out about GBD so early in Pip's life!!!!!!! :tu

[allisonintx]

I'm glad it helped! We call it living "solution oriented" when talking about it with others.

We want our children growing up able to identify what isn't working and to talk through solutions until they find one that works.