is it morally wrong-

[made4more]

to take your pets to the shelter if you cannot finda home for them because you don't want the responsibility anymore because youve added children to your family since getting them and are under stress and can't take the workload, financial end of raising them and the stink anymore?

hypothetically. :shifty

[forty-two]

(I do consider pets as part of the family, so that is going to color my response, fyi.)

Whether it was a good idea for you to get your pets in the first place is beside the point; regardless of past circumstances, they are here now - all that matters is what to do going forward.

If you truly, genuinely cannot cope:

*if the presence of your pets is making it impossible for you to function adequately as a wife and mother, and

*you are certain that either the pets themselves are the core problem or that it is impossible for you to solve the core problem with the stress of the pets being around, and

*after the most exhaustive search you are capable of, there is no possible permanent or even temporary home (a temporary home could give you space to address the core issues and get in a healthier place, where you could then handle the pets again, and might be easier to find),

Then, you do what you have to do :shrug. It is still a dereliction of duty, but people have to come first. If keeping the pets means you are incapable of taking care of your children properly, then that's just the way it is. It's a bad situation, and certainly not the pets' fault, but sometimes bad situations happen, and we just have to do the best we can :hug2.

Pray about it, talk with your dh, search for a better solution, and, if there is really no other way, then take them to the shelter. Just be sure that it is genuinely necessary - both in respect to your ability to function, and in respect to there being no better options. It's a tough decision :hug2.

[ThirstyTurtle]

No, I don't think it's wrong. IMO, the health of people comes first. :shifty

[klpmommy]

IMO, it is not morally wrong. Animals are animals. They are not people. I'd try really hard to rehome them and if that doesn't work consider a shelter.

One of the best things we did for *my* sanity is rehoming our cats. I'm sad b/c I know we made a committment and the kids loved them. But once R was born it was just too much for me. My sanity and a sanitary home is more important than 2 sweet & loveable cats. It was a well thought out decision, not just a bad day.

[made4more]

it's 2 cats fwiw. we just rehomed the dog. does it change things if i say that this is a no kill shelter that fosters a lot of the animals to help htem find new homes? oh and I've been thinking bout it for a long while now. a year or longer. they are just so much work and $$ to do it right. one is getting old and we think she needs special food and she pukes all over the floor and couch and i stuck my foot in some on my BED in the dark the other day. the other seems to be having an allergic reaction to something and is losing clumps of hair all over hte place. I know.. makes me sound like a horrible cat mommy...

[klpmommy]

My answer doesn't change.

[April G]

Morally wrong? No. Heart wrenching for everyone involved? Usually...

I re-homed our dog when I got pregnant, was working full time, and she was being crated all day because all we could afford was a small apartment with no yard. xh refused to care for her, walk her, etc even though he was home all day with her. He would lock her in the crate and only let her out to pee/pooh. :bheart She knocked me down a couple times when I came home from work because she had all this pent up energy from being cooped up for long hours everyday. I didn't have the energy to walk her for long in the evening... It was WAY more humane to re-home her, so I made the difficult choice to do that. :(

[rachelmarie]

I love animals and I think pets can bring a family a lot of happiness and joy. However, it's definitely not morally wrong to give up pets if they are causing you so much stress that you are finding it difficulty to function well (either emotionally or financially). I think if you aren't able to find a new home for the cats yourself, then the no-kill shelter is a good idea.

[forty-two]

For me the key is whether you just don't *want* to deal with the pets and their problems, in which case, imo, you are morally obliged to suck it up and deal, or if you genuinely *can't* deal with them. It's like the difference between just not wanting to take care of a crying baby and having post-partum depression and being truly unable to deal with a crying baby. I don't know your situation, so I can't judge which side of the coin you fall on.

[Wonder Woman]

morally wrong? not at all :shrug As much as I love my kitty, she's an *animal*, not a *human* - there is a difference :shrug

[made4more]

oh it'll be kindof sad, and i'll feel somewhat guilty, but i know that (esp w/ cats) they adjust really quickly wherever they are. they aren't children with complex thoughts and feelings.. esp cats- just give them a place to sleep and eat and potty and they are happy.

thank you for your input. I really was feeling guilty and still do a tad, about the way events have played out and led to where we are now. I think it's just too much for me.

I'm also tired of cleaning the litter. and laying on it in bed etc. and the cats get on the kitchen table. after being in their poo in the litter box. :sick:doh GRODY. and... the puke is everywhere! I feel like they will get better vet care elsewhere also.:yes

[erinee]

This isn't a case where you got a pet for your kid's birthday and then the kid didn't take care of it so you just got rid of it. IMO, that would be immoral. Dumping the animal out in the country somewhere would be immoral. This is a case where you got the pets when you were in a completely different stage of life. You gave them a good home and a lot of love. Your life changed, and it has become difficult for you to give them the love and attention they deserve. That is reality.

I can't get rid of a pet once I have it, but that's just me, not how I feel about the morality of it. If it were a case where I felt I could part with the pet, I would do everything I could to re-home it myself. If that wasn't possible, then I would take it to a no-kill shelter that puts pets in foster homes rather than keeping them in small cages with a lot of other animals around.

If there was not a no-kill shelter anywhere nearby (and I would drive a fair distance to get my pet to one), then I would take it to the humane shelter, knowing that there is a 99% probability that a special needs adult animal is going to be euthanized. In fact, in a case like that there is a good chance I would just have my vet put the animal down, because an animal who is older and has been living with a family is going to be traumatized by life in a shelter among other animals. At least if I had the animal euthanized myself, the last face they would see would be a familiar one, and they could be stroked and loved on.

I don't say any of that to make you feel guilty, but just to suggest there may be options you haven't thought of -- maybe harder for you, but easier for the animals. :hugheart And now I'll probably have to duck tomatoes for suggesting it. :shifty

[kiloyd]

Having just spent 5 weeks and 6 shelter visits (at 3 diff. shelters) I'd say I disagree with taking an old cat there. A cat under 8 or so that is friendly and sweet will get adopted pretty quick. But an old cat like 11 and up is not going to get adopted as quickly.

I would try Craiglist first.

How old are your cats?

If you've tried everything else and prayed long and hard then okay. I still don't like it though. But I am not in your situation.

Can you let them go outside half the time?

[erinee]

Oops, just read that you do have a no-kill shelter and that they put the animals in foster homes. That would make it a WHOLE lot easier for me. :yes Taking a pet who is used to family life to a traditional shelter would be a much different story -- still not immoral, but just a lot harder on the animal.

[made4more]

erinee i did read that it can take 5 weeks for them to place the cat in a homet hough. :nails

kiloyd Tabby is 15 years old, has pretty bad halitosis, about 6 teeth and pukes everywhere. :-/ i wish i knew an old lady that woudl love her. i'll :pray4 about that more. Mojo is about 5 years old. i think he'd do okay in the shelter situation. i've tried freecycle and might try craigslist, but really- there are so many cats on there that i really doubt I'd be able to find my cats a home on there- esp since i live pretty far from teh city the CL is for.... we don't go to a church or i'd try to get the word out.

guess ican try facebook. :shrug3

[Maggirayne]

People come before animals. I was going to suggest Craigslist.

And the thought of a cat on the table-- :shiver I never thought of that and have friends whose cats are all over the table/counter. My mom had a friend whose cat liked to lie on top of the coffeemaker. :sick

---------- Post added at 01:23 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:20 PM ----------

And puking all over, that old, I think I'd have her euthanized. That is pretty old and if she's got issue. . . :shrug3 I think that would be kinder. I do think that cats do have some feelings/attachment.

What would your vet charge for a checkup? I'd wanna know why she was puking. And I don't think someone would take a cat with sickness/issues like that. :hug

[klpmommy]

with the 15 y/o cat-- what is the cat's expected lifespan? If it isn't much longer I would probably try to keep him b/c he isn't likely to be rehomed at that age.

[kiloyd]

Please do not take your 15 yr old cat to the shelter!:pray4(begging you) He's old, you are stuck with him til he dies. Can you take him for a vet visit to see what is wrong?

the 5 yr old cat I'd say okay, take him to the shelter. I'd visit the shelter first though.

Of the 3 I went to looking for a cat I would NOT give my cat to one of them. All the cats are in cages and they are very particular who adopts them. We were denied because I had little kids. The other two had some community rooms so lots of cats could be out and they did have some cats in cages too. And the people were much friendlier. The cat I adopted was only there for a week and he is 3. We adore him!

[MaiMama]

IMO, it is not morally wrong. Animals are animals. They are not people. I'd try really hard to rehome them and if that doesn't work consider a shelter.

One of the best things we did for *my* sanity is rehoming our cats. I'm sad b/c I know we made a committment and the kids loved them. But once R was born it was just too much for me. My sanity and a sanitary home is more important than 2 sweet & loveable cats. It was a well thought out decision, not just a bad day.

Exactly same here. We were able to find a home for them. We were looking into no-kill shelters (hard to find) before we found a friend of a friend. Our house still isn't sanitary, but I haven't had to vacuum up nearly as much pee, vomit, hairballs, and poop since they left. It was just too much having to protect them from the kids & protect the bedroom from the cats, etc., etc., etc.

[erinee]

Quite honestly, if you truly cannot live with the 15-year-old cat, I would take him to the vet to have him euthanized. :hugheart I know that's an expense, but not as much of an expense as ongoing medical care and special food. I think he would be terrified and confused in a shelter, and he would never be adopted.

As for the 5-year-old cat, I would talk to the shelter and see if they would be willing to look for a foster home and you keep him until they find one. If he could go straight from your home into a foster home, he would be fine. If they won't do that, then I would visit first and make sure the animals have plenty of room and get some daily attention beyond just feeding -- a lot of places have volunteers who come in as cat petters. If they have most of their adoptees in foster homes, that probably frees up a lot of their time to give the animals that are housed at the facility plenty of attention.

[Serafine]

Ready for tomatoes here:

15 y.o. and 6 teeth puking: I would euthanize the cat before I would take it to a shelter. It is the difference between dying a peaceful death around the people it has loved for years, vs. dying in a cage, potentially miserable and alone. :(

[Maggie]

For me the key is whether you just don't *want* to deal with the pets and their problems, in which case, imo, you are morally obliged to suck it up and deal, or if you genuinely *can't* deal with them. It's like the difference between just not wanting to take care of a crying baby and having post-partum depression and being truly unable to deal with a crying baby. I don't know your situation, so I can't judge which side of the coin you fall on.
Why is it morally wrong to give up an animal you don't want anymore? I've never been in this situation since I have not had pets since becoming an adult, but I don't *think* I would change my opinion if I had pets, though I can't know for sure.

Amy, I don't think it's wrong at all.

After reading the posts on page 2, I agree about not taking the 15yo cat to the shelter and considering euthanasia.

[erinee]

Maggie, to me it's because while animals are not humans, they are also not cars or clothes. :shrug3 They do have feelings and they can suffer. Getting a pet should be considered a commitment, not something you just toss out when they become an inconvenience or because you want something new. When it comes to a point where the people in the home are truly suffering (there are allergies, the animal becomes mean, there are major life changes like Amy is talking about or there are sanitation issues), then yes, by all means a new situation may be required -- but it should be given as much consideration as getting the animal in the first place.

[klpmommy]

I agree to a point. Animals are not clothes to be dumped when the style changes. But they are not people. There is a different level of commitment. People are the highest commitment and the sanity of the owner is a large part of making the decision on whether or not to keep the pets. I do not regret rehoming my cats. They were young (2? 3?), friendly, good with kids & dogs. They were *great* cats. Just not for me any more.

[Maggie]

Erin, I definitely agree that getting rid of an animal should take careful thought and consideration, but I think there's a fine line between wanting to rehome them and needing to. That could be different for everyone. I just don't think someone should feel guilty or wrong for finding a new home for the pet(s) if things aren't working out, KWIM? :)

[erinee]

I agree to a point. Animals are not clothes to be dumped when the style changes. But they are not people. There is a different level of commitment. People are the highest commitment and the sanity of the owner is a large part of making the decision on whether or not to keep the pets. I do not regret rehoming my cats. They were young (2? 3?), friendly, good with kids & dogs. They were *great* cats. Just not for me any more.

It seems like you think I disagree with your decision, and I really don't. :scratch I made the statement at the beginning of my post that pets aren't people. :) I never said the level of commitment was the same. I simply said that they also aren't material objects, and that getting a pet is a commitment and isn't something you throw away. I mentioned times when the family's needs change, and simply was trying to say that what happens to the pet when the relationship must end should be a careful consideration. :shrug3 I remember when you had to rehome your cats, and I remember that you put a lot of thought into it. I really wasn't talking about you or anyone here -- just explaining why I believe pet ownership should be considered a commitment and a responsibility, not just something that comes and goes according to the whim of the moment. :shrug3

---------- Post added at 07:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:17 PM ----------

Erin, I definitely agree that getting rid of an animal should take careful thought and consideration, but I think there's a fine line between wanting to rehome them and needing to. That could be different for everyone. I just don't think someone should feel guilty or wrong for finding a new home for the pet(s) if things aren't working out, KWIM? :)

:scratch I certainly wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty. You asked a question, and I was trying to answer why I think pet ownership is more of a commitment than just, "I want it, now I don't anymore, so buh-bye." Sorry if I made anyone feel guilty, I certainly wasn't talking about anyone here. :-/

There really is no argument here, and I'm feeling frustrated because it seems like things are being read into my posts that I don't intend. I am certainly not saying that pets are the equivalent of the people in the house or that there is never a time to give it up, and I'm certainly not trying to be the one to make the call as to when it's right or wrong. Just saying that many, many people make the decision, both to own a pet and to give it up, way too lightly and without much forethought.

To make my point, I would never, NEVER euthanize my children (even if it were legal) because they were sick and I couldn't afford to take care of them -- or because I thought they were suffering too much. I would euthanize my pet in that situation -- we were ready to euthanize my cat, but he died on his own before we could.:cryThere is NO situation in which I would get rid of my children or say that it was all right for someone to do so -- of course there are times when it's time to get rid of a pet. Obviously I don't put animals on the same bar as people.

[klpmommy]

I'm not disagreeing with you, erin. Tired today. :hug And avoiding housework. :shifty

[domesticzookeeper]

Ready for tomatoes here:

15 y.o. and 6 teeth puking: I would euthanize the cat before I would take it to a shelter. It is the difference between dying a peaceful death around the people it has loved for years, vs. dying in a cage, potentially miserable and alone. :(

I have to say, I agree :hugheart Even a healthy 15 year old cat would have maybe another five years. The cat sounds sick, and tired, and the kindest thing would be to let her pass peacefully.

And I wouldn't even think of giving her to another owner unless they were FULLY prepared to deal with her issues, that is: willing to invest the time and the money. I'm not sure that you'll find anyone willing to make that commitment, and anything less than that simply isn't fair, IMO. She's lived a long life. She's sick. She either needs intensive care, or someone who will stop her from experiencing many more months and years of discomfort and illness.

Maggie, to me it's because while animals are not humans, they are also not cars or clothes. :shrug3 They do have feelings and they can suffer. Getting a pet should be considered a commitment, not something you just toss out when they become an inconvenience or because you want something new. When it comes to a point where the people in the home are truly suffering (there are allergies, the animal becomes mean, there are major life changes like Amy is talking about or there are sanitation issues), then yes, by all means a new situation may be required -- but it should be given as much consideration as getting the animal in the first place.

:yes :heart

Erin, I definitely agree that getting rid of an animal should take careful thought and consideration, but I think there's a fine line between wanting to rehome them and needing to. That could be different for everyone. I just don't think someone should feel guilty or wrong for finding a new home for the pet(s) if things aren't working out, KWIM? :)

:yes :yes :yes

The problem (and I don't think this is the issue here, amytug, PLEASE don't take the next part personally) is that when many people decide that they are "done" with a pet, they just pass the buck to someone else. Having a baby? Let the shelter rehome the cat. Moving to a place that won't take pets? Let the shelter rehome the cat. Unwilling to provide the veterinary care that would solve peeing/puking issues? Let the shelter rehome the cat. Etcetera. Anyone who has ever been near animal rescue knows that the surrender of responsibility is the BIGGEST frustration that animal rescue workers face. Owners decide they don't want their pet anymore and they're DONE. See ya! Whatever :shrug3 Just let someone else deal with feeding your dog, housing your dog, and doing their darndest to find your dog a new home. Let them invest their time and their money because you decided you were done :-/

And yes, I have rehomed pets, and no, I do not regret it in any way.

[erinee]

I'm not disagreeing with you, erin. Tired today. :hug And avoiding housework. :shifty

I understand. :hug

[made4more]

thank you for all your input ladies. :hug And no offense taken. :kiss I think I'll consider putting tabby down. It actually didn't cross my mind until today. :cry And when it comes down to keping her or putting her to sleep, i really really do feel that that might be the best for her. I wonder howmuch that costs.

afa mojo- the 5 year old, he's a beautiful cat. I don't think it would take him long to find a new home. I am going to try to do it myself or find him a foster family through the shelter because he gets really skittish around other animals.

[kiloyd]

Look at the quality of life of the 15 yr old. If it is time for euthansia (about $50 depending on the vet) then she's had a nice long life.

If you do decide "it's time" for the 15 yr old, what if you kept the 5 yr old to see how he does by himself?

Having one cat might not be that much care as opposed to two.:shrug3

[Heather Micaela]

thank you for all your input ladies. :hug And no offense taken. :kiss I think I'll consider putting tabby down. It actually didn't cross my mind until today. :cry And when it comes down to keping her or putting her to sleep, i really really do feel that that might be the best for her. I wonder howmuch that costs.

afa mojo- the 5 year old, he's a beautiful cat. I don't think it would take him long to find a new home. I am going to try to do it myself or find him a foster family through the shelter because he gets really skittish around other animals.
I wanted to first take a moment and give you a hug :hugheart it is a hard decision to rehome cats and even harder to euthanise. I have had to do the latter 3 times and it is heart wrenching:(

I do want to say (and not directed as anyone, just as information) that cats definitely DO have feelings and attachments. One is to where they live - their territory. And that is why sometimes they run away from a family they love when they all move. This make people think they do not form relational attachments at all. But that is not true they get attached to people and other animals as well.

From my own pets (or those of my family)
*My brothers cat, Silohouette, followed him halfway to school and before he came home walked halfway up the street to wait for him
*My cat, Daisy, would "cry" when I went to summer camp and search the house for me
*My grandmothers cat, Snowflake, was very tempermental when we inherited him and took a long time to feel safe in our home
*My current cat, Abby, was practically joined at the hip to my late cat, Shak. They bathed each other, slept next to each other, etc. She started acted very strange when he was sick and was clearly upset when we took him away and he never returned. Shortly after we had to euthanise our other male. After that she began to sleep practically ON my head. She is fine now, but she did mourn.
*My mother's dad had a cat he babied when she was a teen and in college. When he passed away suddenly, the cat stopped eating and died :(


NONE of this is to do not re-home or euthanize a cat, but I just wanted to be clear that the idea that cats will "easily" adjust is not necessarily true. That is why my parents are still the reluctant owner of a very emotionally disturbed cat. (Which was apparently BORN that way since they got her straight from her mother from responsible owners :shrug3) She has been diagnosed with anxiety issues. She has to be where people are and is very neeedy but if you pet her too much she bites and tries to claw you :-/. She normally hates my family but when they go on vacation she tries to warm up with us. But then she realizes we are not them and hisses at us. And she walks around "crying". They could euthanise her, but declawed her instead so most of the time her tantrums do not hurt them.

I think they would be totaly justified in re-homing her but they realized they are just as good a family as any other. And with her issues the only other fair thing is to euthanise her. So they committed to keeping her.

But,again, that does not make it WRONG to re-home - especially if it is clearly thought out.:heart

[Leslie_JJKs_mom]

No not wrong in fact I re homed my pets after having DD. The only cat that I had to take to the shelter was the one that kept pooping in my newborn babys things. The final staw was when she was 6 weeks old and I laid her in her blankets so I could make dinner and she ended up covered in cat poop. I was so tempted to throw the cat out of my house at that moment. DH would not let me and I thought he was not going to let me get rid of the cat. I was ready to tell him it is me or the cat but he just did not want the cat running off before we took it to the shelter.
The other 2 I Found very nice homes for

[domesticzookeeper]

Thank you, HM. An excellent post :heart

Cats are no less inclined to attach to their owners than dogs :no The only difference is that they don't always need the intensive attention that dogs do, and so people don't always invest in a cat as they would in a dog. Perhaps that's because they simply don't understand how cats receive and express affection. But whatever the reason, cats are intelligent and affectionate, and they are not totally indifferent to their environment or to their families.

[made4more]

ok i think I'm down to one indoor cat one outdoor cat. and I think tabby (old lady) is going to be a garage kitty again. we did that before and she did just fine. she doesn't like the kids very much anyway.

get rid of the young male and the gray male (5) that is really dh's cat. i'll talk to him a lot about it and I'msure he'll really only let that cat go to a great home. i would rather put 50 bucks into finding out what is wrong with tabby than putting her to sleep. I just kindof don't think it's right.. unless she's in pain at one point, then I'd just put her out of her misery. we aren't quiet there, i don't think. I don't think she's as sick as she's just having a digestion problem. her food comes up and doesn't look digested. dh suggested soft food- what do you think??? maybe i should get her on a raw diet. :think

[erinee]

Soft food might help -- I think you said she doesn't have all of her teeth, right? So if she can't chew crunchy food really well, that may be why she's having the digestion issues.

Just be advised that soft food can get really smelly. And of course, I'm sure you know to be really careful with the garage issues -- cars leaking antifreeze and that sort of thing -- that is fatal to cats. They'll walk through it, and they like the smell of it or something and of course they lick their paws anyway.

It sounds to me like you've come up with some great solutions. :tu I hope it all works out for you and for kitty so that everyone can be happy and live in peace. :heart