whose child is this??

[Chaos Coordinator]

okay i am really feeling horrible. over the past few days my son's behavior has just gotten progressively worse. he went from my sweet little boy to having constant meltdowns or almost-meltdowns. he's frustrated nearly all day. his cry has gone from a "hey can you help me out" cry to a weepy, emotional cry. he's kicking, pinching, hitting me and dh, he's biting himself and left a bite mark on his hand, and he's doing a lot of face-down-on-the-floor-kicking-and-crying stuff. i feel so horrible for him, i feel like something is wrong with him and i can't place my finger on it. he has molars coming in but surely that can't be the sole reason behind his sudden shift in temperament. he's not sleeping well at night, taking forever to get to sleep (having to hold him down in bed around 11 p.m. because he just wont give in to sleep) where as before i was putting him in his own bed around 9 p.m. where he would stay until around 3 a.m. also he's refusing to nap anywhere but my arms and it doesn't happen until late afternoon because again he just wont give in, which i know that only pushes his bedtime back further. he seems also to be backsliding as far as separation anxiety, and again its not the frustrated why are you leaving cry, its the weepy, emotional, nobody loves me sort of cry that is just heartbreaking.

the other changes in his life lately aside from cutting a molar are being on whole milk (lactaid), not being able to play outside all day because "ih ha" as he says lol, and i'm on antibiotics which has been giving him horrible dipes :sick and i made the mistake of trying to leave him in the church nursery, the attendant is one of those "I can handle this so i'm not gonna run and get the parents" types. thankfully i have a youthgroup kiddo who helps out in there who is pretty close to me (she said i am like her sister) she came in to the service and told me H was "kind of freaking out but XYZ said she can handle it" this was probably less than 10 minutes into the service, i got up and went down there and he was in that hyperventilating stage of freaking out. i was so :hunh and :mad that the attendant thought she could handle that and didn't need to get the MOMMY, but thankful my youthgroup kiddo came to find me. anyway he was doing a lot of the frustrated tantrums BEFORE sunday but it did get dramatically worse. maybe not fully because of that experience but i'm sure it did have some effect on him kwim?

anyway....mostly just venting because i really feel horrible and hearing him cry so weepily (ok that's not a word) all the time is really making me emotional. idk how to help him besides watching him like a hawk trying to predict what is going to set him off next and prevent it. does anyone have any experience in this area? i'm wondering if taking him off the lactaid entirely and maybe switching to oatmilk or something would help. cause even the lactaid could be affecting him somehow and causing him to act out, right? or could it be the antibiotics? or the molars? or all of the above? i'm so :crazy

[DoulaClara]

:hugheart Whew, that's a lot! So he's 16 mos old, too, right? I'd say he's entering very age-appropriate behavior, especially as he's teething molars, poor bub. And poor mama, it's hard when we go through this with them. Why is he on Lactaid/ whole milk? Agreeing that the SS thing probably did aid in showing him that he needs to go into "super upset mode" right away- I think lots of hugs and a fast response time to his crying should even that out. I'm afraid I would have been really unkind to that assistant (and yay for the youth group kid!)

[mariposa]

:hugheart
It sounds like there are a lot of things that could be contributing to the change in your ds. I know when ds was getting his molars it was just awful. He wasn't sleeping well at all and that combined with the pain made him miserable all day long! It helped for him to chew on cold stuff...cold fruit, popsicles, etc. He would sometimes just gnaw on an apple slice that was cold from the fridge, but never actually eat it. Tylenol helped, motrin not so much. I just tried to simplify our days to get through them, and found fun distractions for him. I even let him watch some dvds when he was just beyond consolable. I don't know if we would have gotten through the molars without Elmo!:shifty
Hope you find out what's going on and that your little one is feeling better soon!

[Chaos Coordinator]

well he is still nursing but i was feeling a bit overwhelmed so started offering him whole milk, which was giving him mucousy BMs so i switched to lactaid. he likes it but i'm wondering if its not causing some of his "behavioral" or temperament issues. he just seems like he's always frustrated. i know that's normal when they are learnign to talk because they want to communicate but dont always have the words. but this just seems a little extreme. its constant and its making us both feel really :(

[mariposa]

We had a similar type thing happen at Sunday School...SO upsetting (for him and me).

[MomtoJGJ]

I still think you should try cutting out all dairy (not just lactose).... it might just be typical age, but it also could be that his "bucket" is full with the dairy, and the only way to find out is to take him off ALL (even hidden) dairy for 3-4 weeks.

[Chaos Coordinator]

I still think you should try cutting out all dairy (not just lactose).... it might just be typical age, but it also could be that his "bucket" is full with the dairy, and the only way to find out is to take him off ALL (even hidden) dairy for 3-4 weeks.


idk how to do this, honestly, as dh has been helping more with meal prep but his skills/willingness are limited severely and he doesn't believe in changing diet to change the way you feel. when ds was a newborn i tried real hard to cutback on dairy/soy because it made his colic worse, but dh is just hardheaded and not helpful and is the type to tell you not to complain when someone else is making food for you. it was also hard when i was on bedrest and supposed to be on a low-sodium diet because the only thing dh knew how to do was NOT add salt to the already high sodium packaged foods he makes. it was maddening.

i will talk to dh about being cognizant of what contains even trace amounts of dairy, and i already told him i think we should stop giving him the lactaid milk. dh already thinks i obsess about food way too much. this is going to suck. :nails

[MomtoJGJ]

I'm so very sorry... I'll pray for your situation... I know how hard it is to cut it out when you don't really think it will do anything (that's how I secretly was with DD1 until we HAD cut it out and then I ate something that had trace amounts in it and we paid dearly)

The easiest way is to go mostly whole foods... the fewer ingredients the better. This site might help... I know nothing about when this is necessary or not so I'm going to break the link http://ww w.godairyfree.org/

Most food labels now have "Contains : milk" or "milk" will be in parentheses after the particular ingredient.... Even "non-dairy" foods will contain dairy a good bit of the time.

[ValiantJoy07]

:hug2 15-22mos were SO.HARD. What you are describing is exactly what dd1 was doing add being very preggo or with a newborn and it was one of the hardest few months of my life as a Mom...welllll...It was up there on the top 3 hard times so far. :O:giggle

Around 22-23mos she became downright delightful and so easy it kind of scared me. ;)

I do not look forward to next winter with my 16-22mos old dd2. I'm hoping it will be easier but I have a feeling it so won't be. :nails BIG :hug2

[WingsOfTheMorning]

A few thoughts...

At the very least I would cut out the Lactaid. Young children are not usually lactose intolerant b/c they get lactose in breastmilk. PP who are lactose intolerant usually develop the inability to digest lactose as they pass weaning age. If young children have trouble with dairy, then it's usually the casein protein which is still present in Lactaid. Dairy makes my DD crankier too, so I think that's worth a try. It would be hard to have a DH who is resistant to the idea though. :hugheart

An episode like the church nursery could make him have a hard time for a little while too. When I was really sick a few months ago, I had my sister and my mom watch Lydia two days in a row for most of the day. She loves and trusts both of them, but she just wasn't used to being away from me that much and was very clingy for the next couple days. ETA: I didn't mean for this to sound critical or anything. I just meant it to be an example of something that could make your LO need some extra mama snuggles.

Could you get outside for a little bit first thing in the morning or is it already too hot where you are? Maybe playing with the hose or some water in a little pool outside would be a cooling and calming activity.

[DoulaClara]

:hugheart Be strong, you can do it, mama. It's easier than ever to be dairy free. At his age, too, he probably is a-okay with fruits, veggies, and meat if you eat it. Drinks outside of BM can be hemp or almond milk, but I'd still try to make BM be a huge percentage of that- hang in there!

[Sparrow]

My boy is 20 months. I'm going through the same stuff. It IS a very hard age. My boy is very mama mama mama mama mama ALL the time. He used to play on his own sometimes for 20 minutes!

I really don't have any advice. I'm finding that if I can take just 5 or 10 minutes to comfort nurse he's good for a bit.

Is he also having big feelings in general? Mine is crying over stuff he normally wouldn't cry over, and it's really, really sad.

I'm with you! :hugheart

[Chaos Coordinator]

My boy is 20 months. I'm going through the same stuff. It IS a very hard age. My boy is very mama mama mama mama mama ALL the time. He used to play on his own sometimes for 20 minutes!

I really don't have any advice. I'm finding that if I can take just 5 or 10 minutes to comfort nurse he's good for a bit.

Is he also having big feelings in general? Mine is crying over stuff he normally wouldn't cry over, and it's really, really sad.

I'm with you! :hugheart


yes lots of big feelings. and that's fine but its not ok to hurt others when you're mad. idk how to translate that into 1 year old. :shrug

[Waterlogged]

he sounds tired. :shrug3 not sure what you should do about it.

i tried to get K onto 1 nap this week - FAIL. finally I gave into 2 naps today - she slept (or was quiet) for2 hours this morning, and 2.5hours this afternoon.

[Chaos Coordinator]

H has been on one nap since he was about 10 mos. he seems to need much less sleep than his peer group. :sigh

[Rabbit]

Lactaid gives my dairy intolerant husband horrific stomach cramps. Much worse than just regular milk. I don't know why. He won't go near a lactaid product ever again.

[Waterlogged]

H has been on one nap since he was about 10 mos. he seems to need much less sleep than his peer group. :sigh

except that perhaps his behavior is suggesting otherwise. :shrug3 my mom swears that i never needed much sleep, when in actuality, i need 8-9 hours a night + a nap some days just to regulate my mood. but no one would have guessed that from how i sleep. i'm a terrible sleeper. insomnia, waking up in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep, restless legs, you name it (well, except nightmares...).

regardless of one nap or 2, whenever DD ends up on the floor kicking and screaming, it's usually attributed to the T in HALT....

[Chaos Coordinator]

it's usually attributed to the T in HALT....


what on earth does that mean? LOL :heart


yeah H is not the best sleeper, and never has been. He sleeps best in my arms and some days i just cant do it. it makes my anxiety horrible to sit and hold him for 2 hours or to lay in bed an extra 2 hours so he will sleep. some days i can do it but some days i just cant.

we did not give him any milk yesterday and he did MUCH better. didn't even have to fight him at bedtime despite a late, short nap (I somehow forgot about naptime as i obsessed over ttc :shifty and the next thing i knew he was asleep in my arms, i laid him in his bed but then my husband went back there being all loud like he is... :sigh )

anyway he did get things with trace amounts, and i did have a bowl of cereal :doh but i figure we can start with taking out the milk for him and work on the trace amounts later.

[Quietspirit]

Honestly it sounds like an ear infection to me. Have you had him checked for that? Teething can be a trigger and his behavior escalation coupled with sleep issues escalating...sounds like an ear check up is in order. My children when they were younger had ear infections with no fever...just lots of crying, no sleep, and behavior.

Hope he feels better soon! :hug2

[Llee]

I was thinking ear infection too.