How to talk to kids will listen...

[Amy]

Anyone read it? I'm stuck on the first chapter. I won't go on to the next until I've had at least one success with the first. It's about listening attentively, using one word responses such as oh, I see, mmm hmmm, etc.. then naming the feeling "You are angry because you want to go play outside and it's raining" then granting the wish in fantasy "I wish it would NEVER rain again so you could play outside anytime you wanted!"

I read it Friday night and I'm still having trouble finding a situation to use this successfully. I don't know if it's his age (4.5) or if it's me, but I'd like to hear how you all have used it.

[Codi]

:yes That is a favorite book around here.

My oldest is 4.5 and I found it useful even when he was 2. I just read it through to have a basic understanding of everything, then referenced it when need be.

[Mum2Es]

I LOVE it, and need to read it on a weekly (daily? :shifty) basis once I finish it for the first time. I am using it the way Codi said that she is.

[abh5e8]

i have read it and love it. i do think some of it makes sense more with a slightly older child. i would keep reading...and practicing. the summary pages are great to copy and hand on the fridge...that may help you find more opportunities to use them too.

but especially that listening part...i think is easier with an older child.

[Ellen]

I have used "granting a wish in a fantasy" and it does help A. get unstuck sometimes. And naming feelings I've certainly used a lot starting when she was young.

[The Tickle Momster]

I'm stuck on chapter 1 as well. Still waiting for one of my kids to figure out/solve the problem on their own while I listen to them talk.

Maybe I should read it straight through then try to apply? :think

[Codi]

:yes I would read straight through then reference back to it for sure!

[Auroras mom]

It is an excellent book, as are all the others by the same two authors. I wouuld read the entire book, not try to work through each chapter likea workbook. Get the whole big picture, then go back and refer to it/brush up/practice as needed.

[~yogamom~]

this is one of the points from that book that really stuck with me. granting wish fantasies works pretty well with both my 5 yr old and my 14 yr old!

i also stick to a lot of one word answers when they are telling me how they want things to be or just saying silly stuff. it really seems to draw them out and i can see how their mind is working and what they're really getting at (kind of like a therapist does, but not serious at all, if that makes sense).

[Firebird Rising]

:yes I would read straight through then reference back to it for sure!
agree. the big picture REALLY helps a lot.

[WanderingJuniper]

I recently read this book from beginning to end. I'm now going back and reviewing. First time through I made note of what I already do when communicating with my children and focusing on the good. Now, I'm going back through and looking for the ways I can improve.

Attentive listening is huge with my 8yo. She wants to talk but only if she knows you are really listening to her. It is harder to apply to my quiet one because more often than not I have to scramble in my own head to find the right way to form the question that will lead to her talking with me.

[Mama Rophe]

I've tried to read it a few times and always get stuck on the first chapeter. This time I just decided to read it all the way through and go back to review as needed. I'm really enjoying it this time.