Stumped by a potty/diaper issue

[DoulaClara]

Gianna has decided that she hates diaper changes. She also has decided that going potty is the kiss of death. She is going so far as to hold her urine for up to 6 whole hours to avoid the whole thing, with the final hour being a major tantrum, because she has to pee so darn bad that she's cranky.

Rewards/bribes don't totally work. Marshmallows had *kinda* been working for a while, but she's deciding they're not so fantastic after all.

:sigh I don't force the issue. I wait until I know she's either half-crazy because she has to go so badly that I essentially arm-wrestle her onto the toilet, or until she has gone in her diaper, and then it's a wrestling match to deal with that. She gets rashes pretty easily if she's in a wet or poopy diaper for too long, which are seriously the devil to heal, so I want to avoid that at all costs.

This is driving me nuts. She is currently tantruming because she's still dry after having a new diaper sometime around 9, but she does have to go. I don't care if it's in the potty or in her diaper, but whichever it is, I just want her to bloody do it already. I have given her the choice of going potty or having a diaper change when she's ready- nope. I have told her that if she pees in her diaper, it's no longer her choice and I need to change her. When it's time to change her, though, she's going to scream the walls down.

I think this is just the, "I'm almost three, and perhaps am almost interested in potty-learning" transition, but I'd love some tools. Because this "No potty, no diaper," thing is really putting a cramp in our style.

[mommy2abigail]

Ugh, that sounds rough! Do you live in a warm enough climate that she could go nakey for a little while? I'd stick them all outside for some water play time with the hose and leave her nakey. If she feels like she has to go, let her pee in the grass. Both of mine learned that way, something about peeing in the grass...:shrug3 Otherwise I'd try (I know you are probably doing this anyway) to completely take the 'fight' out of it. Don't mention it, other than when she has peed in her diaper, just a very matter of fact, "You have pee in your diaper and I'm going to change you now." And do it as quickly as possible. If she wants to use the toilet but is screaming about it, I wouldn't wrestle her on there, I'd just empathize and validate "I know you feel pressure in your belly because you have pee. When you are ready, you can pee in the toilet." HTH Maybe someone else has some more ideas for you.

[DoulaClara]

Thanks! I can't do naked time outside (maybe bathing suit time if the sun ever comes back) but I can do it inside. We usually do naked/ trainers only time, but she thinks it's hilarious to poop on the floor. Any ideas about the 30 or longer minutes where she's contrary and half crazy because she's trying to avoid peeing? It is seriously tantrum city.

[WingsOfTheMorning]

I'm coming from an EC perspective, so...

One thing ECers talk alot about is making the potty fun and changing it up. So the above suggestion about peeing in the grass would be a great way to do that. Could she pee in the bathtub? Do you have a little potty that you could put in an interesting spot? Maybe she could pee while looking out the backdoor, for example. Maybe you could have a special toy/book, etc. that sits by the potty to play with. Maybe put something in the potty for her to pee on. Lydia currently has a potty insert with ducks on it, so we talk about peeing with the ducks and even sing a song about ducks while she pees.

We also have a potty song :giggle, sung to the tune of the Clean Up song: Potty, Potty, Everybody, Everywhere. Potty, Potty, Potty in your potty chair.

ITA w/ talking to her about it when you know she has to go. :yes

Also, have you thought about the possibility of a UTI?

[MarynMunchkins]

My 4th did that. I just sit her on the toilet and hold her. Usually she's so desparate just being on the toilet will have her go and then it's over.

It's not pleasant, but it's better than 30 minutes of screaming over peeing. :rolleyes

[klpmommy]

put running water on or dip her feet in water. It won't solve the potty issue, but it should make her pee and help with the tantrums.

What if you told her that her feet want her to pee? :think (She's the one who loves her own feet, right?)

(And maybe it isn't such a bad thing I moved away, it sounds like she & Madame S would be "scary" together. ;) )

[Beth1231]

Maybe tickle her and get her giggling too hard to hold it?

[DoulaClara]

LOL Kimberly, it would certainly be interesting. We'd laugh eventually, I'm sure!

I make the "potty hose" (AKA some water tube that runs out the back of the toilets) talk to her. She's very fascinated by tubes and hoses, and sometimes the "potty hose" can convince her to sit on the potty so that he can use his potty hose water to flush. This only works occasionally, because if she's not in the right mood, it totally backfires! I'll see if "Lyle" and "Alfred/Jonah" can talk her into it, but if I start talking for them, she often tells me, "You're Mommy, not Lyle!"

She hates anything at all in "her" bathtub, unless it's a little bit of Epsom salt. I tried calendula flowers once, thinking she'd think a bath with flowers was awesome- no way! She flips if a dog hair is in the tub, too. So, if she happens to go potty in the tub, she really is upset. I think if I recommended that to her, she'd be quite upset. We've got a BBBP in front of the TV, and potty seats on both toilets. We lavish all kinds of fun stuff on her when she's on the potty- toys, and she gets to hold my jewelry, which is the most coveted thing ever.

:think I don't think she has a UTI, but I'll watch for it. She drinks a lot of fluids (which makes for a heck of a diaper when she finally does go) and she's as happy as a clam when she finally does pee. It stops her tantruming cold. No blood or anything like that. I know she's processing it, as she has her feet going potty. I'll have to give the "feet in water" a try, once I can get her on the potty. It's kind of like, I start to wonder which is worse- strong-arming her onto the potty, so that she can just go and be her cheerful self again, or just waiting out the half hour or longer of supreme crankiness (screaming at the dog, yelling at any spot she thinks is a spider, asking me for things that I don't understand and then screaming when I ask her to show me what she means... things like that).

Thanks for the suggestions! Keep 'em coming! I have to tell myself every day that this is (I hope I hope I hope) the final big thing before it smooths out and she just goes potty.

[Peridot]

I think maybe a footbath while sitting on the BBLP in front of a tv?


Make her wash her hands a lot, or have her play in warm water in the sink?