arctic oak
05-22-2010, 07:11 PM
My DS1 is 4.5 and has recently started hitting (usually DH but sometimes me too) when he is redirected or asked to do something he doesn't want to do- like return a toy to his brother after he has snatched it. Often he responds by finding a toy, like a hockey stick, to beat the door or wall, or hit his dad. We then take that toy from him (because he is hitting with it) and he gets even angrier and the situation just repeats but at an escalated level. If he goes to his room he lashes out even more, beats the door or walls with every toy he can find and then comes out in a fury!
DH is really good at using humour to deescalate and also to communicate with DS. DS used to respond well to this but lately has continued to lash out anyway. DS can't seem to see that it was his behaviour that prompted our response (eg. returning the toy to DS2 or taking the beating implement away)- but just goes on about how angry he is- as if our response was unjust :scratch. I try responding with empathy, hugs, etc but that is hard if I'm feeling frustrated and also feels too permissive- though it calms him down sometimes.
DS1 hasn't been aggressive at all until very recently. He's sensitive, gentle and loving with his siblings- most of the time! He's great with other kids too. I'm confused about where this has come from (is it just a normal stage?) and what to do about it. I'm finding it harder to respond with gentleness and grace when the behaviour is so aggressive, but any response at all just seems to escalate it anyway. Help!
DH is really good at using humour to deescalate and also to communicate with DS. DS used to respond well to this but lately has continued to lash out anyway. DS can't seem to see that it was his behaviour that prompted our response (eg. returning the toy to DS2 or taking the beating implement away)- but just goes on about how angry he is- as if our response was unjust :scratch. I try responding with empathy, hugs, etc but that is hard if I'm feeling frustrated and also feels too permissive- though it calms him down sometimes.
DS1 hasn't been aggressive at all until very recently. He's sensitive, gentle and loving with his siblings- most of the time! He's great with other kids too. I'm confused about where this has come from (is it just a normal stage?) and what to do about it. I'm finding it harder to respond with gentleness and grace when the behaviour is so aggressive, but any response at all just seems to escalate it anyway. Help!