are sticker charts always bad?

[greenishmama]

My son (4.5) has just finished a "preschool" type program (we are planning to homeschool though). He brought home his sticker card. The children would get a sticker if they were quiet during story time and sometimes for being a good helper, etc.
He was showing me all the stickers and was particularly proud and remembered two specific stickers- one was for showing someone (new) where the cubbies were. and the other was for being an extra good helper. He has mentioned recently something about how I could give him a sticker for doing something. I told him instead how what was better than a sticker was knowing that I was happy about it and his feeling of doing something good....
I know all the reasons why rewards are bad... but are they ALWAYS a bad idea? Anyone have success with it? The fact that he remembered the good things he did seems like the act was more important than the sticker. I can't help but think that for my son the sticker is like a reminder of all the good things he could do. Of course I want him to do them for the sake of doing good things but it seems like it's just fun for him. He's not doing things to get the sticker but likes seeing something tangible/visible that reminds him of good deeds. I feel that if I were to start sticker for a few things, or even just random things when I see him being extra kind to his brother that he would feel proud of himself for doing those good things.

now I know plenty of moms out there could come down pretty hard on me for why I shouldn't do that EVER!! go ahead and remind me if you want. But if you understand my viewpoint and have tried something like it with success (your child began focussing more on good things than bad) please share!

[cindergretta]

I've never used sticker charts but I do think life has a lot of built in rewards. :shrug3 I don't think sticker charts are bad. :shifty For younger children, they are a tangible and visible reward.

IMO, we all desire recognition for what we do - approval from our parents, spouses, bosses, even our dc. Would my 13 y/o want a sticker? :no Would I? :think Maybe... :P~

Anyway, a lot of rambling to say that I don't really see a big bad issue. I think as they age (and hey, even as little people) they enjoy our pleasure and smiles. And I don't personally believe stickers/sticker charts are going to cause a child to no longer want their parent's approval.

[mommy2abigail]

I don't think they are ALL bad. I mean, we all like to be appreciated and noticed right? Maybe, for a younger child, a sticker is a tangible reminder that his actions were recognized? I'm a big believer that intrinsic motivation is best, but honestly, I don't think that a 4 year old is capable of that quite yet...I don't know if that's true, but being that little kids are egocentric (developmentally) a visible reminder of a job well done is probably more effective. I don't do them, but I do tell my little girls great job! and I point out when I catch them doing selfless and helpful things. :shrug3 Maybe I'll mess them up a bit...but I'm not worried about it. :shifty

We posted at the same time...you said what I was trying to say in a much more clear way!:cheer There's your sticker!

[cindergretta]

Hilarious! I thought your post was much clearer (is that a word!??!?!) than mine!! :hug Here's your sticker - :heart

[cbmk4]

I think that reward systems are true to life. You do a good job in school, you get good grades (assuming you share that educational philosophy). You work hard at the job, sometimes you get recognition--a bonus or something.

Yes, we have used sticker charts to recognize cooperative play between our youngest girls and for cooperation with bedtime routine (not stalling excessively).

Right now, we are using rewards for our youngest who struggles with OCD/sensory problems. If she can get dressed and keep her clothing on without a meltdown, she gets to have 2 tic tacs and also give 2 to her sister. This small incentive helps her to focus her thoughts on something other than the feel of the seams on her clothing.

We don't take the rewards away, because that is too discouraging for them.

I came from a home where good behavior was taken as the given and not often recognized. I am doing things differently here.

[greenishmama]

...I'm a big believer that intrinsic motivation is best, but honestly, I don't think that a 4 year old is capable of that quite yet...I don't know if that's true, but being that little kids are egocentric (developmentally) a visible reminder of a job well done is probably more effective.

I tend to agree with that. It's hard for me to believe sometimes given my son's advanced speech that he is not more advanced in other areas. He does not yet seem capable of being intrinsically motivated to do good. And lately things have gone downhill around here and he seems more focussed on being "bad". So my DH and I will think this through some more and probably give it a try. I figure if the stickers help him think more about being good and he gets extra recognition that way that's great. I don't even care at this point if he seems to be just trying to get a sticker :shifty. I'm thinking it will be easier to work on a change in heart and attitude to wanting to do the right thing if he's already trying, even if for the wrong reason. Easier than starting from scratch and from him focussed on negativity.
too tired to go on.... hope that makes sense

[joyful mama]

I don't think they are bad at all, personally. incentives and rewards work well for my kids (and ME :D!)

[TestifyToLove]

I've used them. I find them most helpful with the preschool set for potty and bedtime habits. The current 3 year old is learning to sleep in her own bed with a sticker chart. There's no pressure, no wrong, no shame. Its earn a sticker when you start in your own bed, fill the chart and choose a reward. My 11 yo still cherishes the stuffed polar bear she earned via sticker chart when she finally braved pooping in the potty at 3. She just doesn't TELL anyone where she got that polar bear anymore.

[teamommy]

I'll be the naysayer and say I don't like them as described in the OP. I don't know if they are harmful, I just don't feel right about that carrot and stick type of thing for my kids. Maybe it has something to do with me remembering these types of systems in schools as a kid. I felt condescended to and manipulated (even if I couldn't express that then).

I have used charts for a brief time, but they are charts to help remember chores and brushing teeth in the morning, things like that. There is no reward attached and things like sharing and doing kindnesses would not be on the chart. I did use an incentive chart for reading once, and I probably wouldn't do it again. Edited to say, it might depend on the child on whether I would want to use one or not.

[Marsha]

both my girls had the sticker charts in their 2 day a week preschool. I don't recall either of them being upset or anything. Except they were happy when they got to go to the treasure box which they did when the chart was filled up.

I think they like the charts, actually. And we've used them for potty stuff, and picking up toys . AT my oldest's age (8), she would feel manipulated I KNOW. But for my almost 5 yr old, they still work.

[Sparrow]

I like the use of them when kids are really small, to chart progress? Maybe that's a bad word for it.

When we were potty training Aaron we'd give him a sticker for a sticker chart every time he went on the potty. For him, it made him proud. Not in a "look how good I am" way, but look at all the times I peed on the potty sort of way. When he filled it we was able to go to toys r us and pick a toys (buzz lightyear). He's STILL proud of Buzz, and he's been trained for a year and a half.

For us, they don't have a place in regular life. If he doesn't procrastinate getting ready for bed we have time to read another story. If he takes forever to get ready for bed, goofs around, we might only have time for one story. I think rewards like that stick better (at least for us).