what would be an appropriate consequence?

[happyhousewife]

Dh took the boys to the car wash to wash his truck. While he was washing the 2 big boys decided to unbuckle and act like maniacs. When dh got done the phone car charger was broken. :mad
They came in and played games and when I told them what they had done, they just acted like"oh well..." I told them when dh came in that they needed to apologize to him. He is going on an out of town overnight trip. I am so angry....I am so fighting the urge to lecture about this. The problem is that I would go on an on.... :sigh we have this problem with the kids acting crazy and breaking things or someone getting really hurt. Grrrrrrrrrr
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[Aerynne]

Not sure how old they are, but if they're older than about three, they should pay for at least part of a new one. Older than about ten and they should pay for all of it. And perhaps dh will not want to take them next time or perhaps they have to stay buckled.

[happyhousewife]

:ty
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[believer]

It would seem to me, that it would have been more appropriate if your dh had stopped washing the truck as soon as the boys got out of their seat belts and started acting up and he should have stopped them before they got so crazy that they broke something.
Couldn't he see them through the windows?
Wasn't he aware that they were out of their seats and misbehaving?
Allowing them to act that way and then punishing them afterwards does not seem quite right to me.

[happyhousewife]

:sigh
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[teamommy]

I am having trouble understanding... this was a car wash and the boys went through the car wash in the car alone but your DH wasn't in the car? I am having trouble imagining it so I am thinking your kids must be much older than mine, at least 10-12+? I just wouldn't let my kids be in the car alone like that without me.

OK I read again and it sounds like it was a car wash where your DH was washing it himself. Then I also wonder how he did not see them?

Regardless of whether he saw them or not, though, if they broke something, they should be held responsible for paying for it.

[cindergretta]

Regardless of whether he saw them or not, though, if they broke something, they should be held responsible for paying for it.

This. :yes It might have been the most innocent accident in the world, but when we break something, it is only honorable to replace it. :shrug3

:hugheart

[Katiebug]

I get a little annoyed when it's suggested here that kids shouldn't be held responsible for their actions because we should be watching them like hawks 24/7:shifty Just saying...

I agree that they should have to pay for a new one. Whether that means working it off through extra chores, or using saved birthday money, it should be paid for. And they should physically go to the store with one of you to buy it, physically hand over the money and then physically give the new charger to DH. Since you've said that this is an on-going problem, I would say this is a good chance for them to learn that things cost money, and if we are careless and break something, we need to replace it.

In the future, they don't get to be alone in the car since they can't be trusted, until they prove otherwise:shrug3

[happyhousewife]

okay just to clear up...dh ran down to the car wash. He took the boys with him and in the process of spraying the truck off they unbuckled(ages 8 and 4) acted silly and in the process broke the car charger. He said he saw them jumping but didnt realize they were destroying anything. He was just spraying for probably 5 minutes at the max. Did not drive through the car wash with just the kids in the car. ;)

I am going to make them pay for it. They fully understand that they need to take responsibility for it. And they apologized to their daddy. :D

---------- Post added at 04:35 AM ---------- Previous post was at 04:34 AM ----------

This. :yes It might have been the most innocent accident in the world, but when we break something, it is only honorable to replace it. :shrug3

:hugheart


I completely agree. Lesson learned for all of us. :)

[believer]

I am sorry if my words came across sounding harsh.
They were not meant to be.
I was not sure what the situation was and from the op it sounded like the kids often act crazy and then break things or get hurt.
Actually, all kids act crazy and then break things or get hurt - that is a natural part of childhood. And they do learn from that.
And it does not mean that they should not be held responsible for their actions.
They certainly should be held responsible for their actions and we as parents also should try to stop them when they are behaving in a way that is likely to cause injury or damage and teach them not to behave in that way.

[Elora]

He said he saw them jumping but didnt realize they were destroying anything. they probably didn't realize they were destroying anything either. i highly doubt they set out to, and intentionally destroyed the charger.

the point IS, whe you jump around where you are not supposed to, accidents happen. you should not jump around in cars.

you're expecting your 4 and 8 year old to know this, but not your dh.

in all fairness, your dh should have a higher responsibility to know this. he is the adult.

not that the kids shouldn't have to pay for it, not be allowed in the car alone, but your dh should stop them next time they're jumping in something like a car where there is potential to break things

[Joanne]

It would seem to me, that it would have been more appropriate if your dh had stopped washing the truck as soon as the boys got out of their seat belts and started acting up and he should have stopped them before they got so crazy that they broke something.
Couldn't he see them through the windows?
Wasn't he aware that they were out of their seats and misbehaving?
Allowing them to act that way and then punishing them afterwards does not seem quite right to me.


I get a little annoyed when it's suggested here that kids shouldn't be held responsible for their actions because we should be watching them like hawks 24/7:shifty Just saying...



I've got huge "permissive" radar here. ;) Really, I do! I worry a lot about how this forum reads to new members, lurkers and others. I didn't read permissiveness into believer's post. I read reality - boys need help stopping far short when rough play ensues because of this issue. Young boys often and quickly go over the line into destruction of property (inadvertant or otherwise) and hurting of people.


I think both are true: Dh needed to stop them sooner AND they need to pay.

[ArmsOfLove]

I get a little annoyed when it's suggested here that kids shouldn't be held responsible for their actions because we should be watching them like hawks 24/7

to add to what Joanne said . . .it's BOTH.

1) the natural consequence FOR US of not watching our children whatever level of watching they need is that stuff will get broken. We either adjust what we're doing and our expectations of what they are giving us (regardless of what we think they should be giving us ;)). If we change nothing about how we are proactively parenting in similar situations we will *invite* the same results. We cannot say we didn't know because wise forethought was available to us :)

AND

2) the appropriate consequence for the child older than toddler age who breaks something, whether on purpose or an accident, is to have them take responsibility for their actions and replace it.

There were certainly be the need for additional parenting unless it's truly just an accident that is out of character, but prevention is the best approach. If you wait until AFTER a child has done something that child can be reasonably known to do then you made a choice. There are always consequences for our choices :)

[happyhousewife]

Actually
I
did say something to him to the effect of well didnt you see them acting crazy? He told me that he was just trying to get it done quickly. He did say that while he was in plain view of them they were not going wild. It happened when he was at the back of the truck. Normally our 8 yo is very responsible. This was very out of character and I do know they didnt do it on purpose.

Joanne....your radar is unfortunately......right. :blush I have been leaning toward the permissive side and then I get angry. I am trying to get back in the gbd mode. I think I might need to go back and read about the 5 steps.



:help

[Sparrow]

I agree with everyone else about having them pay. It's a lesson I had to learn. I broke a bracelet at a department store when I was about 6. It was a plastic costume bracelet, and it cost 30 cents (see, it's seared into my brain). I had to pay for it, and over the money and apologize.

Just a side note, not directed at you :) I really wish my punitive parents parented more like this and spanked less. These are the lessons I remember. I never acted like a goof and pretended I was a tightrope walker again at the department store.

And stuff does happen. I have 2 boys who are 4 and 19 months and it just takes 30 seconds of having them not in sight sometimes. They're kids. Kids get carried away. That charger could have been broken in 30 seconds or less of DH having his back turned. Kids can be monkeys! :giggle

HEY - my Aaron is 4 too. :D

[Little Forest]

the appropriate consequence for the child older than toddler age who breaks something, whether on purpose or an accident, is to have them take responsibility for their actions and replace it.

I guess this presupposes that any child older than toddler age should have his or her own money?

With my oldest I am not anywhere near starting her on the concept of her own money and and down the road as a consumer with purchasing power. It just doesn't seem an appropriate part of childhood to me.

[MomtoJGJ]

They don't have to have money to pay to replace something... they could help by helping out more.... Like, they could wash the truck since they broke the cord while the truck was being washed for example. They broke something of their dad's, which causes dad to spend time (and money) to replace it, so they could do something that is typically dad's job to give him his time back....

[happyhousewife]

WEll after talking to dh we decided let them pay in chores. Both boys had to spend some time picking up limbs in our back yard. It was an appropriate consequence. (
I think) Not a punishment-they knew that they had to do something to pay for the accident. We told them that we knew it was an accident but we have to take responsibility and make it right. I really hope I handled it okay. :)

[ArmsOfLove]

absolutely you can work it off. :tu I find something I'd otherwise have to do and figure out what is age appropriate to expect and trade their time for mine to compensate for the money :)

[Sparrow]

WEll after talking to dh we decided let them pay in chores. Both boys had to spend some time picking up limbs in our back yard. It was an appropriate consequence. (
I think) Not a punishment-they knew that they had to do something to pay for the accident. We told them that we knew it was an accident but we have to take responsibility and make it right. I really hope I handled it okay. :)

:hug

I think you did great