is it ever good to cave in?

[Sparrow]

This morning Aaron had a little bit of computer time will I tidied up the bathroom and bedroom. He knew (and was warned) that when I was done he had to get off. He also knows that if he refuses to get off that he will not be allowed to use the computer next time he asks.

He got off without too much trouble. He was playing quietly when he asked to watch a DVD. We don't ever watch TV this time of day. I reminded him that he could play, each suggestion was followed by an angry NO. He went into the cabinet where I used to keep the DVDs (they're now in a CD case and kept high out of anyone's reach. Even I need a chair) and opened up the DVD player. Two things he is not supposed to do. I went up to him when he was in the cabinet and gently removed him.

He asked again for a DVD. Again, I said no, and told him he could watch one when I was making dinner (which is normal around here). He then threw a pencil at me. I picked him up and out of desperation told him to sit until he was ready to be nice. :shifty Then, he bit me.

So I sat on the couch with him in a bit of a bear hug until he said he was ready to get down.

He's still getting into stuff. I know he's bored, but he won't play. He only wants to watch TV. I feel like if I just say yes he'll stop being a monkey - which I need him to do.

I also feel like the threats are going to start flying out of my mouth - "if you don't stop ________ I'll xyz". I HATE that because usually it's something ridiculous and impossible to uphold.

[Joanne]

No, I would not "give in" or change my mind in this situation.

It sounds like you might be dealing with screen addiction symptoms.

[swimming with sharks]

I totally have learned to give in sometimes.....I hate to say it but it doesn't sound like this is one of them :no :hugheart especially after the biting, throwing, etc.:doh Can you send him out to play? or give him a job? :shrug3 hope it goes better

[MomtoJGJ]

for me giving in is more when I can tell they are SUPER disappointed but they accept my no without fighting me. THEN I'm more likely to cave in. With all the other stuff, especially teh biting, it would definitely be no is no... He'll survive and so will you ;)

What about a snack... a snack outside?

[Sparrow]

I totally have learned to give in sometimes.....I hate to say it but it doesn't sound like this is one of them :no :hugheart especially after the biting, throwing, etc.:doh Can you send him out to play? or give him a job? :shrug3 hope it goes better

Today is my catch up in our disasterous house day. I tried to get him to help and he doesn't want to be part of it. :shrug3. He's currently engaged with his playing with a spaceship.

---------- Post added at 10:36 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:35 AM ----------


What about a snack... a snack outside?

I offered a snack and he said "Get me some grapes, NOW". :jawdrop
He never asks like this EVER. Now I'm :scratch wondering if something else is up.

[ThreeKids]

NEVER giving in is a great way to model a win at all costs attitude. For me, I was told I was born stubborn (now I'm wondering if that was just modeled to me) so that necessitated some extra confrontations. I now wonder if I would be a more flexible person today or have less trouble letting things go if a win at all costs attitude wasn't modeled to me so up close and personal.

However, that doesn't mean giving in is a virtue. It just needs to be an available option whose cost isn't represented as all important in appropriate situations.

[Sparrow]

I think that it's good to revaluate sometimes. I know I've said no to things and realized it might be unreasonable.

Thinking back, had he asked nicely I *may* have popped in a DVD for 20 minutes. We don't have cable so I can put on an episode or 2 of Franklin. Being bit and having something thrown at me didn't help his case. I fear if I had given in at that point it would be saying "If you try hard enough, mommy will give in" even though I know he wasn't biting to make me change my mind, he was biting because he was mad.

And as I said above, I'm wondering if something else is up. Dh has to work late this week, and I'm wondering now if missing Daddy is what's bringing on this behaviour?

Sometimes it's good to talk things out like this - it puts things in perspective for me.

[kwisie]

In that situation, I'd be thinking he needed a rest time, especially if that behavior is out of the ordinary. Dim lights, some books, a blanket and pillow on the couch, maybe some quiet, restful music.