123 magic

[simplegirl]

Anyone read the book? See the videos? It comes HIGHLY recommended to me by my therapist. I'm about 40 minutes into the video. He shares "time out alternatives" although I'm not to that part yet. So dish it to me...what's the negatives about this?

[TrinMama]

it's been awhile since I read it...but i use the 1-2-3 idea. often. it helps in our house. since it's been awhile, i could be altering it a good deal.

[ArmsOfLove]

I do not recommend it. It's very punitive when used with younger children who I usually hear it used with. For some it's a good transition to GD from spanking, but it's not GD.

we have a sticky of recommended reading that I'd encourage you to check out :)

[mamaKristin]

I didn't like it. It was too "one solution for every issue" for me. I don't like that.

[simplegirl]

Crystal....I'm reading your book right now too!!! :giggle AND loving it! Although the bear hug is just not working, for either of mine. Will it eventually if I keep doing it?

Because my therapist has recommended it over and over I'm finally watching it.

[Maggie]

My previous therapist recommended it to me. I didn't read it based on the reviews on Amazon, but I bought ScreamFree Parenting instead, which is great. I do count with my kids, but it's like, "I'm going to count to three and then I'll help you," although I do tend to say it punitively sometimes. :blush Sometimes I'll start counting and Luke will say, "Say 3, say 3!" because he wants to do it now. :giggle :heart

[ArmsOfLove]

how are you doing the Bear Hug? It's really helpful to use it at non-challenging times to create a positive feeling with it. :yes Also, 99% of your steps should end at step 4 where you help them. If a child loves the Bear Hug then use it all the time :tu But, most children only ever need it if they truly melt down and become violent. It should never be like an in-arms time out.

glad you're enjoying the book :hug

[mlc509]

If I remember correctly, it seems more focused on behavior than the heart. Like 1,2,3, go to time out, done. I think they advocate not talking about it after the time out either.

[mothersson2002]

Have you looked at Parent Effectiveness Training book? It focuses on win win problem solving solutions. Here is the blog:
http://parenteffectivenesstraining.blogspot.com/
PET site: http://www.gordontraining.com/parentingclass.html
Older copies of the book can be obtained free here. Newer copies may be found by placing them on the wish list.

http://www.paperbackswap.com/book/browser.php?k=parent+effectiveness+training

[Sanveann]

We've actually had a lot of success with 1-2-3 Magic with our 3-year-old. We try to use it in a GD way ... for example, if he's spitting his milk (that's a big thing right now), I say, "Matthew, that's 1. No spitting please." Next time, "That's 2." If he does it AGAIN, I say, "OK, that's 3. Mommy is putting the milk away because you chose to keep spitting it. We'll try again in a little while." So instead of a time out or whatever, we normally use a logical or natural consequence. (I guess we do a bit of a mashup between 123M and the 5 Steps.)

Normally, it works pretty well for us. I'd say 75 percent of the time he listens the first time, maybe 20 percent the second time, and then the remaining 5 percent of the time, we have to follow through.

I think if you come at it with a mindset of giving the child chances to do what you ask, rather than "if you don't do what I say by the time I get to 3, you're in big trouble!", it's not punitive.

[cbmk4]

We have used forms of it just like the previous post mentioned, because it's useful for both my child and me to have a time period to allow processing of the rule/direction that was given.

For example, my daughter who may have difficulty transitioning from one activity to another, gets count downs when it's getting close to the time to leave the park (10 min, 5 min, and so forth) when I get to "It's time to go now" occasionally, I add "I'm going to count to 3, and by the time I'm at three, I want you to be coming down the slide."

There is no threat or an "or else", it just helps to move on to the next activity.

[simplegirl]

how are you doing the Bear Hug? It's really helpful to use it at non-challenging times to create a positive feeling with it. :yes Also, 99% of your steps should end at step 4 where you help them. If a child loves the Bear Hug then use it all the time :tu But, most children only ever need it if they truly melt down and become violent. It should never be like an in-arms time out.

glad you're enjoying the book :hug

I think I'm waiting too late. By the time I think of the steps and then the hug he's already plummeted into full tantrum mode. And honestly, he's gone from 0 to 10 in one second. So I can't even try the first 4 steps because he's not even capable of hearing me, does that make sense? He is 2.5 so not sure if that has something to do with it. I will try and use it during positive times though, great suggestion :)

[AmyDoll]

I haven't read the book (I don't think) But I do count for transistions. "Feet at the bottom of the steps by 3." or "Momma is gonna count to 3 and then she's going to turn off your computer"

Time out isn't going to address the root of any issue. And if the issue is compliance, it just makes more sense to have them comply. If I'm trying to get out the door to an appt. why am I gonna do a time out? :shrug I really mean, "Put your shoes on, we are leaving."

[ArmsOfLove]

I think I'm waiting too late. By the time I think of the steps and then the hug he's already plummeted into full tantrum mode. And honestly, he's gone from 0 to 10 in one second. So I can't even try the first 4 steps because he's not even capable of hearing me, does that make sense? He is 2.5 so not sure if that has something to do with it. I will try and use it during positive times though, great suggestion :)

that's quite typical for 2.5 :hug I would encourage you to be on top of everything and move him immediately. Do step 1 "You need to X" WHILE doing step 4 "helping" without any steps in between. This is the age for establishing yourself as the authority :yes

You need to keep your feet on the floor. *WHILE* moving him from the couch.

Very hands on; very active.