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View Full Version : How to follow through gently when it's a "no"

Joyful Mommy
11-19-2009, 04:52 PM
DS1 was tired and complaining of a tummy ache at dinner time. Crying and whining about everything, so we're certain that he's exhausted. He stopped napping about a month ago (he used to fall asleep during quiet time a few times a week) and has some nights where he is totally ready for bed by about 6 - 6:30, and then he sleeps 12 - 13 hours straight. So we decide that he should go to bed early, even though he's not excited about the idea. It is obvious to us that he's beyond exhausted. We say that he can play with his new car in bed, and DH puts him in bed. HE stays until he hears me come up with DS2, who I put a DVD on for in the other room while I put away some laundry. Daddy already said that he was going to bed and wasn't watching a movie tonight (he would just stay up watching even if he's tired), so I told him he had to go back to his room. He's in there, but he was very upset. I validated his feelings (being upset about going to bed early, wanting to watch the DVD, feeling it's unfair that A gets to watch...). He has calmed down now...I'm going in there...but am I doing something wrong? What can I do better/differently? :shrug3
klpmommy
11-19-2009, 04:55 PM
his negative feelings do not effect whether or not you are being gentle. He is allowed to be upset. ;)

One thing I do sometimes if it deals with bedtime is not inform the later one what is happening while the earlier one is listening, but that doesn't always work.

:hug It sounds like you did fine.
Joyful Mommy
11-19-2009, 05:00 PM
his negative feelings do not effect whether or not you are being gentle. He is allowed to be upset. ;)

I know this in my head...and this is why I made sure to play back his feelings so that he would know that I "understand" what he's upset about...BUT in my heart, when he's crying "please!" and I have to be firm, I feel so MEAN. :cry


One thing I do sometimes if it deals with bedtime is not inform the later one what is happening while the earlier one is listening, but that doesn't always work.

:hug It sounds like you did fine.

thanks!
klpmommy
11-19-2009, 05:23 PM
itu. :hug
Peridot
11-20-2009, 06:10 AM
Maximus still needs to be sat with or held to go to sleep. Last night it was, rock and sing until calmer. Then he actually crawled into bed, and asked me to cover him. then I told him a story, and he fell asleep.

I don't know how your DS usually falls asleep, though. If I take him up, and hold/rock/sing or tell a story with the lights out, he will realise he's tired , and then he goes in bed.


This is huge progress for him, because as a baby, he did not sleep.

hth