hit you sit? how does it work

[greenishmama]

I know- duh! But I'm not finding how others actually do this. How does "when you hit you sit" work? How is it different than time out?

[Julianne]

I don't know but I want to. :bump

[jenn3514]

For us the hitter sits while I address and comfort the hittee. Comfort, hugs, talking, and I often will set the child who was hit up with a book, crayons, wahtever before addressingthe hitter.
It is different from time out in that there is not a set amount of time, it is not presented as a punishment, more of - your brother is hurt, I need you to sit while I take care of him. Then I will be back to talk to you.

[Rabbit]

It's a reminder to the mom that the hitter sits out of the action until the hitted is tended to. It is a change in focus from the tradition berating the hitter usually gets, while the injured sobs and carries on. Once calm has been restored, discpline can proceed. For a serious injury, that might not be until tomorrow.


It does sound too much like a threat. "You hit, you lose!" "The hitter is the sitter" works as well in my brain, to remind me to turn my old response routine upside down.

[Susan K]

At my house the hitter is so out of control that he needs my attention more than the hitee. Hitter is five while his brother is almost 8 and very big for his age. The younger after hitting gets scoped up and brought some place to calm down. Today it was his room with his favorite stuffed animal. He is learning that if you hit you need time away to calm down.
We are working on using your words not your hands.

[Auroras mom]

What if the parent is the victim, how does this apply?

[Rabbit]

What if the parent is the victim, how does this apply?

I just grab Simon's hands, tell him that I won't let him hit me, and deal with it. Sometimes we have to separate behind doors or gates.

[greenishmama]

I just grab Simon's hands, tell him that I won't let him hit me, and deal with it. Sometimes we have to separate behind doors or gates.

What do you actually do when you "deal with it"?

what if the "sitter" won't sit? Or he's already sitting but just crawls away and plays?


Mine goes crazy if the door is shut or I use a gate. the only way to truly separate him would be to lock him into his room! sounds awful. Haven't done it yet. I will admit that I locked myself and 16 month old into my own room but 4 yr old just went crazy outside the room pounding on my door. I have found it IMPOSSIBLE to separate him! so.... that brings me back to - what do you do when they won't sit??
and what do you say- "sit there until....."???

[Rabbit]

I really don't like the phrasing of "you hit you sit" because it implies punitive "you sit there until I'm ready to deal with you" junk.

If the hitter wanders off, :shrug3. They're out of the action and that's all that really matters. The scene is secure. The victim is tended to.

When everybody is ready, everybody comes back together to discuss and make amends.

[Momys]

Found this on here:

http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=207676

I think it gives a good overview of how people approach you-hit-you-sit....

[Auroras mom]

I just grab Simon's hands, tell him that I won't let him hit me, and deal with it. Sometimes we have to separate behind doors or gates.


Ahh cool, that is how we do it too. I didn't see a reason to make her sit in that scenario but wasn't sure if i was missing something.