HELP!!!!!!!!!!! Urgent!!!!!!

[Shnooky]

My 3 year old DD has lost the plot!!!!!

We had 2 lollipops, 1 chocolate the other berry, I opened them both and she decided she wanted Berry and that she didn't like Chocolate so she gave the chocolate one to DS 2yo... she is now having a massive fit because she wants the chocolate one, I have taken her to her room twic... I have said to her that she is angry and sad (can't work out which she is) because she wants the chocolate lollipop, she chose berry and gave the chocolate to Ata so she gets the Berry one.

She is SCREAMING! She has been in the kitchen drawers throwing stuff out, thrown potatoes across the floor, tipped the high chair and 2 dining chairs, thrown toys, tipped over framed paintings

I feel like :mad

[Shnooky]

DS is not about to give up his lollipop, and I don't think it's fair on him to give up his lollipop just because she has changed her mind

DS just came running out of the kitchen with his lollipop above his head trying to protect it :giggle (like thats going to help)

[DaltonsMomma]

:hug2 I hate it when they are so upset it feels like you can't help them. Have you tried the bear hug? She may need you holding her to help her calm down.

[Jeanette598]

Reflect feelings (it sounds like you are) and set boundaries: "You are angry and disappointed because you can't have the chocolate lollipop. It's okay to be angry, and I will not let you hurt people or things."

I second the bear hug if she's really out of control. Also, can you give her ideas of appropriate things to do with her anger? Stomp, deep breaths, blow air out forcefully, hug herself, squash playdoh, squeeze a pillow, draw her feelings, etc.

[arymanth]

My 3 year old DD has lost the plot!!!!!

We had 2 lollipops, 1 chocolate the other berry, I opened them both and she decided she wanted Berry and that she didn't like Chocolate so she gave the chocolate one to DS 2yo... she is now having a massive fit because she wants the chocolate one, I have taken her to her room twic... I have said to her that she is angry and sad (can't work out which she is) because she wants the chocolate lollipop, she chose berry and gave the chocolate to Ata so she gets the Berry one.

She is SCREAMING! She has been in the kitchen drawers throwing stuff out, thrown potatoes across the floor, tipped the high chair and 2 dining chairs, thrown toys, tipped over framed paintings

I feel like :mad


We had a similar meltdown tonight with my 3yo Josie, it was something relatively little (someone ate the sausage off her piece of pizza I think?) that I could not fix for her. In situations where I can't make it right, I immediately start looking for ways to distract her attention. I don't even talk about or draw any kind of attention to the cause of the meltdown, because IME, that just adds fuel to the emotional fire. Right then is usually not a good time to discuss the situation because there is no good solution for them. (it's not like you could magically make a new lollipop appear or take the one she wanted from her brother, just like I could not make the sausage reappear on her pizza, so it was a no-win situation for them) Fortunately for me, Josie's 10yo sister Ivy took over for me and did an absolutely beautiful job of getting her little sister's attention off of what was triggering the meltdown (while I put the rest of supper away, out of sight out of mind) and patiently endured the screaming and hitting (half-hearted) Josie was dishing out until she was able to calm down enough for Ivy to play with her (they ended up play-wrestling on the floor) and then she offered to let Josie pick which book on tape she wanted to listen to while they went to bed. Offering pleasant choices seems to be a good way to help them switch gears because it requires them to stop and think about something other than what they were upset about. The quicker you can find them a new focal point, the better your chances are of short-circuiting the meltdown. Sometimes I start throwing out a rapid-fire chain of questions that she has to actually think about to answer, with the goal of making her forget why she's so upset. I try to make them as off topic, unexpected and interesting as possible to really capture her attention. (did you have fun at the park today? What did you do there? Did you slide on the slides? Did you play on the swings? What was your favorite thing? Maybe we should go again tomorrow, what do you think? Should we walk or take the stroller? Do you think it will rain? If it rains, then what should we do? How about baking cookies? What kind of cookies do you like? My favorite is chocolate chip brownie. Do you like brownies, too?) It doesn't always work, but that's my first line of defense. Asking about their "favorites" is a great distraction because they have to really consider that question. (I used to ask my older daughter who her favorite Blue's Clues characters were... that took her a good 5 minutes to explain which characters she liked and why, and by that time the meltdown was forgotten!) Taking them to a different location and starting a completely new activity can help if you catch the meltdown in the very beginning before it gets out of hand. Sometimes, all you can really do is batten down the hatches and ride out the storm, and when it's over, offer them comfort and understanding. I've tried teaching/coaching during these kinds of meltdowns, but it never seems to do much good, so I don't do that anymore. I just focus on other times when she is upset about something smaller and we use those as teachable moments .

I'm sure it's far too late for this to be helpful today, but I thought you might be able to use the ideas in the future. :smile

Stephanie
mom to seven sensational kids!

[Shnooky]

Thanks everyone for your advice. Thanks Stephanie that was helpful, I'll have to remember it in the future.

In the end I had to just ignore it and try to stop anyone from getting hurt from flying objects. After she finally started to calm down I got her on my lap and tried to talk to her but it was no go, finally she just got off my lap and went and got the berry lollipop and ate it. :shrug3

[ArmsOfLove]

3 is a very tough age :hug tonight she learned that even a full on meltdown won't get her her way. I try to prevent them when possible but when they come on I ride them out--knowing that learning that is not how we get what we want is more important than giving in. talk to her about this in a neutral time--give her scripts, validation, words :hug