I don't like the phrase "We don't"

[SouthPaw]

I see it used a *lot* and I was wondering what the motive/intent is behind it and if there's something better. Me, I prefer "you may not". It gives more direct info on what the kid is (not) supposed to do, as a directive instead of being a general statement.

I can see it used in something like "we don't eat meat in our house." but not "we don't hit people" in the midst of a discipline scenario. well, obviously *someone* does, cause they just did :shifty "it is not kind to hit" or "stop hitting" or "gentle hands" all make more sense to me than "we don't..."

thoughts? am i over-thinking?

[Yuliana]

:think

[doubleblessings]

I have had similar thoughts before, but I still find myself saying it.

[Katiebug]

I agree :yes My oldest was about 3 and I said something like, "We don't stick crayons in your nose" :giggle and he looked at me and said, "Yes we do. I do it all the time" and that's when I realized it was kind of a stupid thing to say :shifty I lump it in the same category as saying, "Who wants a bath???" when it's not a negotiable event :lol

[monkeylicious]

i agree with you - i don't like it either... i like your other options :yes and i think there is discussion about this phrasing in ETLDTD

[WanderingJuniper]

I don't know if you are overanylyzing but I've found it more effective to say "You may not hurt me." There are times when I say In our family we will not hurt each other" Words like we and the plural you confuse my oldest for some reason. If I'm looking at her and say you she knows it means her but if I say we she thinks it means mom and dad or everyone but her which would be why I say in our family. :shrug

[cindergretta]

I use it all the time and I don't mind it. :shrug The thing is- we don't. You might be doing it right now, but in this family WE DON'T- so QUIT.

We don't hit. Some do, we don't. We don't name call. Some do, we don't. We don't throw things in anger. Some do, we don't. If you are using a behaviour that others use that we don't, I will say- We don't do that. Because we don't.

[ArmsOfLove]

I use it when it's something we really don't do (i.e. we don't eat meat ;) ) but I don't use it when the child clearly does. That's when You need to stop is used--because they are doing something that they are not supposed to do, but clearly a part of the "we" does do it. "We don't" is a statement of fact. If it's not true fact I don't believe young children fully get the message being sent. That's why I opt for the instruction communication.

[cindergretta]

:think I can see that and it makes sense. But it works here. :shrug As a member of THIS family, WE don't. You are part of that we, so get it together. No problems with understanding, in all honesty. :)

[Herbwifemama]

I've never thought about it like that, but it's definitely not as strong as your other phrases. :) I like your alternatives better.

[zak]

:yes I've thought about this a bit too.

[Amber]

I don't use "we don't..." a whole lot. Like others have said, clearly that child does :shifty (hit, bite, yell etc). I usually say "You may not..." or "You need to stop..."

[Katiebug]

It may depend on the age of the child, too. To a very literal three year old, it's kind of silly to tell them "we" don't do something that they very clearly do. To a 7 or 8 year old it would be perfectly reasonable.

[Heather Micaela]

It may depend on the age of the child, too. To a very literal three year old, it's kind of silly to tell them "we" don't do something that they very clearly do. To a 7 or 8 year old it would be perfectly reasonable.

I agree with this

[DoulaClara]

:yes I prefer, "You may not..." over "We don't" for a lot of reasons. Gianna already thinks she can do some things that we do, but would be a disaster if she tried, so I've already had to tell her, "You may not clip the dog's toenails." "We don't" would be so confusing.

[mommy2keeg]

Good question! :think When I say "we don't" as in "we don't hit," it is usually to point out that none of us...mom and dad included are allowed to hit one another. But, I totally see your point.

There are definite "we don'ts" in our house, but they are more related to what we all don't do, like watch a particular show or something.

Boy...we have a lot of pondering questions today! :)

[Sakura]

I have had similar thoughts before, but I still find myself saying it.
:) Same here!

[eawerner]

:lol I used to think that was a great phrase until I read somewhere that when you say it, it obviously isn't true. I'm trying to switch over to stuff like "you may not..."