Aha -- Homekeeping and Personality Type

[TraceMama]

I've been thinking a lot about my stumbling blocks when it comes to homekeeping. :O I'm trying *really* hard to keep up with things, to tackle the homekeeping challenges, to finish projects, etc. But, I'm also finding that I'm having an equally hard time staying on-task, staying focused, not getting overwhelmed, fighting the urge to start new projects when the old projects aren't done yet, etc. :/

And while some of this can be chalked up to ADHD or perfectionism (ala Felton) or a left-brain / right-brain difference, I realize that a lot of this has to do with my personality type. :/

I'll give a few examples for my type ENFP :)

I strive to be a ruthless de-clutterer like so many of you. :yes2 But I'm not and I may never be. :no2 The "P" part of my personality sometimes means that making a final decision on anything is extremely difficult, add in the other parts of my personality and separating my feelings from an item sometimes seems next to impossible. :shifty So, what happens? I start a decluttering project and get stuck in the middle because I can't decide what to do with the stuff and then get frustrated that it's taking so long and then....well :shifty

ENFP's are notorious for starting projects and not finishing them. :yes For me, the joy is in the creative process, the problem-solving, the brainstorming, *not* the follow-through. So, while my clothing bins still await my attention, I'm looking at paint charts trying to figure out what color I want to paint the bathroom, master bedroom and master bath. ;) Yes, it's procrastination, but it's also just a lot more fun. :giggle The thought of returning to those clothes bins is almost more than I can bear. :blush

Okay, so here's the real question: how have you found a homekeeping style / routine that actually *fits* you and your personality type without feeling like you're fighting yourself every step of the way? :think

Or maybe that's not possible. :shrug

I realize that establishing a routine and instituting self-discipline is always a struggle, but this seems harder than I thought it should be. :/

Tips from other ENFPs on what works for you? Other AHA moments from other personality types?

Of course, all of this could just be viewed as an excuse for laziness, I suppose.....but I'm really hoping not. ;)

[2TMama]

Gosh...........I was just reading in the 50-day Gourmet about when you do the cooking as a group.......some (the more "neat-freak" types) may do better simply wiping spills, washing dishes, labelling meals, packing them away.....................while the others (non-neat-freaks) would be better "making the messes" a.k.a. doing the cooking/prep ;) The writers also mentioned how some more "creative" moms may have no-problem overlooking some of the "mess" in order for the "creativeness" to happen................while the "others" get driven crazy by the mess.......and can't focus on the process that's happening. Does that make sense?

I see this difference played out w/ some of my friends and myself.........the two I'm thinking of are definitely more "creative" than me......and less anal about being bothered by the mess made in the process. I'm not saying I like that about me.....I'm sure if I would loosen up, I'd BE more creative/fun! I wouldn't classify myself as a total "neat freak", but do you know what I mean??

FWIW, one of my BF's just realized that her internet "habits" have contributed to her "adhd" tendencies when it came to her home responsibilities.........and that since cutting WAY back on her computer time she is more easily able to focus on and accomplish tasks around the house.

EDITED TO ADD: I totally agree that adopting a canned "system" sometimes takes the wind right out of my sails......and makes me feel like I'm fighting myself every step of the way (as you put it ;) ). What helps me is some time constraints, focus on the biggest hurdles (staying on top of laundry and dishes), employing the kids (folding, putting away laundry, sweeping, dusting, helping load/unload dishwasher)............AND giving myself (and my helpers) boundaries & rewards (no computer/tv time until ____________________ ie laundry is put away............that type of thing).

[TraceMama]

I think my op was too long. :blush I suppose I should've just asked how long it took for others to find their groove with their routines where it didn't feel like pulling teeth anymore. :shrug

I also realize that my op might sound whiney or as if I'm trying to make excuses for myself. Sorry if it came off that way. I'm really not trying to make excuses. :no2

I'm just struggling to find a system that works for me without feeling like I'm failing in one area or another or like the whole thing is just drudgery. :/

[2TMama]

Tracey :hug2

I hope what *I* said didn't imply I interpreted your OP wrong! I thought I addressed what you had in bold :shrug Maybe *my* post was too lengthy :think

[knitlove]

I didn't' think that your OP was to long or whiny I just haven't' ever found a cleaning routine that works for me at all so I don't have any thing to add but I hope others do because I really want need to have one.

[TraceMama]

2TMama :hug

Nope. Your post didn't make me feel like I was whining at all. :no I was just thinking about it this morning and hoping it didn't come off that way. :shrug

Your post made a lot of sense to me, especially as I consider myself, friends, family, etc and their approaches to clutter and mess. :yes

Now....to understand myself and what approach will work the best..... :think ;)

[RealLifeMama]

I'm an INFP, although I am not very strong N or F. I sort of switch back and forth. The indecision and follow through are my downfalls, also.

I am struggling now because while I like my house clean and I like the progress I am making, I feel incredibly guilty for spending so much time on my house. I feel like I am neglecting larger, more important things. Like I really should have been out walking the precincts today, trying to sway undecided voters, but I felt like I wanted to stay home and work on the house. (Maybe that is the "I" in me after a very busy, people filled weekend just as much as wanting to get stuff done.) Or I should be making meals for shut in's and new moms instead of cleaning my kitchen. Or I should be doing arts and crafts with my children instead of cleaning the playroom. Or taking them on a nature hike instead of decluttering their clothes. Yet, the pull to get my house in order before the baby is born is so strong right now....I really enjoy cleaning right now, but then I think of all the things I should be doing instead. But when I do those things, I worry about my messy house.

I have not found anything that works, so I am sure that does not answer your question. As Felton says, I just want to be an average housecleaner, and I don't think I will ever get there.

[ArmsOfLove]

I'm a very right brained ENFP and I've been able to figure out new ways to do things that I used to consider drudgery (LOVE "Organizing for the Creative Mind" :rockon), I've figured out what NEEDS to be done on a regular basis, and I've learned to just focus on *doing* what needs doing--either to maintain, or because I realize it needs it.

My health makes it hard to always get up and do it now . . . but I get to it or assign it to someone :tu

[Eowyn]

I'm an ADD ESFP--the Artisan Performer. Translation: I love to create, create, create, and I do so with the attention span of a small rodent on speed. :shifty

I will happily plan to paint the house, then get totally overwhelmed at the idea of doing all of the prep work and clean up, and end up doing nothing about it. Cleaning the house is the same thought process--why? It's just going to get messy again. :blah

Needless to say, this is where DH the ISTJ (translation in this case: persnickety neat freak) and I have some conflict. I will enjoy putting together a huge meal and dessert, but the sight of the clean up, nay, the very idea of the clean up makes me want to curl up in a ball and sob. :bag

I think the ADD part is that I have literally no idea how to make myself do something I don't want to do.:hissyfit

Sorry, I'm no help. :doh

[mom2threegirls]

I'm an INFJ (but am low in n and close to ISFJ) and tend to do a TON over a couple days and then wipe myself out. I also will take on lots of extra projects that are just SO important :rolleyes2 and ignore the basic upkeep for the most part. Details are hard for me. I've found just having a few routines that HAVE TO be done really really help. For example- on Sunday night I start doing laundry for the week and it is done by Monday evening, no question. I clean the kitchen after every meal- not detailed but enough so it doesn't overwhelm me later. :think Vac/mopping happens once a week no matter what and more than that if necessary and I feel like it. My biggest thing is just overburdening myself to the point that I'm focusing on all the stuff that doesn't matter way too much, at the expense of everything else- versus doing next to nothing at all! I'm too good at making myself do stuff and I really need to find that balance.

From reading your post it sounds like our personality types are pretty different and I'm sure what works for me probably won't work for you but it's so interesting talking about the different personality types and how it affects us. It's amazing how different God made us all!

[Herbwifemama]

I'm an INFP, and honestly, I don't really get these personality profiles too much I'm much better with the 7 intelligences- I'm extremely EXTREMELY intrapersonal intelligent, which means I get myself really well, but I don't get other people quite as well. :)

I LOVE having a clean, decluttered house, and it's the end result that I love, not the process- but I'm willing to go through the process to get to the end result. So, I focus intently on getting that drawer DONE, because then it will be done, and it will be organized, not chaos, and I will feel more calm inside.

Honestly, I have to fight keeping my home TOO clean and make an effort to not neglect dd. :/ I don't know why I'm posting here, I feel out of place. :hiding

[TraceMama]

I am struggling now because while I like my house clean and I like the progress I am making, I feel incredibly guilty for spending so much time on my house. I feel like I am neglecting larger, more important things. Like I really should have been out walking the precincts today, trying to sway undecided voters, but I felt like I wanted to stay home and work on the house. (Maybe that is the "I" in me after a very busy, people filled weekend just as much as wanting to get stuff done.) Or I should be making meals for shut in's and new moms instead of cleaning my kitchen. Or I should be doing arts and crafts with my children instead of cleaning the playroom. Or taking them on a nature hike instead of decluttering their clothes. Yet, the pull to get my house in order before the baby is born is so strong right now....I really enjoy cleaning right now, but then I think of all the things I should be doing instead. But when I do those things, I worry about my messy house.



ITU! :heart If I'm spending the day decluttering, because seeing the clothes bins is making me crazy :crazy, then I feel guilty for not playing with the kids. Keeping on top of everything usually results in less Mama-kid time here and I then feel like my priorities are out of whack. :shrug


I'm a very right brained ENFP and I've been able to figure out new ways to do things that I used to consider drudgery (LOVE "Organizing for the Creative Mind" :rockon), I've figured out what NEEDS to be done on a regular basis, and I've learned to just focus on *doing* what needs doing--either to maintain, or because I realize it needs it.


I've been meaning to get this book! :yes I think part of my problem stems from wanting the house to look "show ready" (like when you're trying to sell it) all the time. And that's not reality. :no2 That's also not reasonable. :no2 So, I've got to figure out a way to deal with the hot spots so the house looks tidy while not going over the top.

Like some of the other posters, I can work *really* hard for a set amount of time to get the house sparkling (for a party, for instance), but then I poop out. :yes2 It's finding the motivation after that spurt to keep going that's hard.

And, Lindsay, I totally understand the details and clean-up being way too much to even start the project! :hug

[illinoismommy]

I am an ENTJ. Being organized is like a hobby for me. :lol :O

[TraceMama]

I am an ENTJ. Being organized is like a hobby for me. :lol :O


That "T" and "J" really help you out there! ;) :heart I have a friend who would gladly spend her whole day organizing too :yes It's amazing how personality can influence our approach to something like cleaning the house. :)

[knitlove]

I am an ENTJ. Being organized is like a hobby for me. :lol :O


That "T" and "J" really help you out there! ;) :heart I have a friend who would gladly spend her whole day organizing too :yes It's amazing how personality can influence our approach to something like cleaning the house. :)

I could gladly spend my whole day organizing some other person's stuff it is my stuff and my house that I have a problem with. :O

Starting in 2nd grade my best fend and I would get together and I would clean her room while she helped a bit but mainly talked to me and then we would go to my house where she would clean my room while I mainly was company, we did this through packing for College. I need some one to do that with now.

[2TMama]

FWIW, when I last took that personality thing I was an ENFJ :shrug What should this mean?? :giggle

Regarding this comment: Starting in 2nd grade my best fend and I would get together and I would clean her room while she helped a bit but mainly talked to me and then we would go to my house where she would clean my room while I mainly was company, we did this through packing for College. I need some one to do that with now.

I can get a LOT of housework done while chatting on the phone. Seemingly in an effortless and pain-free way! :rockon