View Full Version : spin off-- how DO you discourage whining?

10-10-2008, 08:11 PM
help! :popcorn

10-12-2008, 07:22 PM
I tell Gracie flat-out, "When you talk like this [demonstrate whiney voice] it's called whining. It really, really annoys me. Please ask me like this [demonstrate non-whiny voice]"

So far it's working. She's 4.5.

10-12-2008, 08:37 PM
The best way here is:

limit TV
limit computer time
limit junk food

"Asked and answered"

"Conversation over"

"You're whining. Try again."

Can Dance
10-13-2008, 12:12 AM
youre whining. I dont want to hear it. try again. I cant understand your words when you whine. stop whining. tell me in real words what you want.

it works most of the time. :yes

10-13-2008, 04:18 AM
"I dont' like to listen to you when you whine. Start over in a non-whiny voice"

That gets used a lot around here. DD just turned 5 and is a champion whiner.

10-15-2008, 01:18 PM
I've taught the difference between a "high" or "whining" voice and a "low" or "pleasant" tone of voice. I tell them to try again in a pleasant tone of voice. We've practiced them at neutral times (they think the "high/whining" voice is hilarious when we practice :lol) so I can pull in that skill during a situation.

I also do "asked and answered" and, if really frustrated, I walk away. Mostly scripting them to try again in a low tone of voice works. At first I had to say exactly what I wanted to hear, then just "try again with a low tone of voice," now I just say, "Try again."


10-15-2008, 05:25 PM
Hey, these are all really great, though I can see we're doing things fine because we do these things so apparently its just perseverence :crazy2

Maybe we should sticky this topic, its pretty common!

10-16-2008, 12:26 PM
Good idea! :tu

10-16-2008, 05:32 PM
Oh yeah, it definitely takes perseverance. When people are really tired, hungry, etc. (young or old) whining kind of comes naturally but it can be trained out.

10-16-2008, 09:04 PM
Sometimes it works here to do some sort of playful parenting. "Oh, no, there's something wrong with my ears! Are you saying something?"

10-16-2008, 09:07 PM
It's not ok to whine.

That's what I usually say and I ask her to tell me in a normal voice. But I like the idea of practicing in neutral times and calling it a pleasant voice. :tu

What's ask and answer?

tempus vernum
10-17-2008, 05:56 AM
Usually I just say "Mama doesn't respond to whining, try again" but sometimes I say "Mama doesn't speak whinese, try again in a calm voice" if I can tell they need a playful parent to turn the situation around. :)

10-20-2008, 10:34 AM
What's ask and answer?

"Asked and answered" if for when you've already given an answer but they keep asking in a whiny voice. If you'd said "No" to TV but they keep saying, "But Mom, pleeeeaase can I watch TV?" You say, "That question has already been asked and it's already been answered."

10-20-2008, 10:44 AM
I also use, "What do you think?" when they get in that cycle, and a lot of times it interrupts that cycle for my dd while she thinks of her answer. Very helpful!

10-21-2008, 07:30 PM
I also use, "What do you think?" when they get in that cycle, and a lot of times it interrupts that cycle for my dd while she thinks of her answer. Very helpful!

yeah.... that's kind of funny....

i do that too - but 5yo tells me i said no, and then proceeds to throw himself of the floor, flop around and say, BUT WHYYYYYYYY??????????? (waaaaaa...) :no

10-21-2008, 07:44 PM
I'd give the answer to that (why you said no) and then say "asked and answered" after that. These techniques don't necessarily stop an age-expected response. :shrug Hopefully we can give them tools for the future and temper the current response, but it unfortunately doesn't mean the responses always instantly go away. :no

Since he's five I would also suggest checking out the Dealing With Disappointment (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/mb/index.php?topic=102617.0) thread, as you could be introducing skills to help him deal with the frustration he's feeling. The author suggests one skill per year of age.


10-21-2008, 08:13 PM
My nephew was five but I'd comment to the air "Hmm, I can't understand whining. I'm sure he wants something but I don't speak whine." We also did asked and answered. If he refused to not whine I'd ask him to go do something and come back when he could ask/talk nicely.

As my mother used to say It's not just what you say it's how you say it.

07-28-2011, 02:50 PM
My little one likes being a "big girl" and so when she whines she is reminded (kindly) that whining is not "big girl" behavior. (I tried the approach of explaining that whining is annoying, and I swear for about a week afterward that child had a pact with Satan to destroy me!)

07-28-2011, 02:55 PM
"I need you to take a deep breath and say what you're trying to say without whining so I can understand you."

Playful parenting, I "tune" the child by using their arms as antennas. "Huh? What? I can't understand. I'm getting a lot of whining on this channel. Here, let me see if we can improve the reception."

07-28-2011, 03:26 PM
Depends on the child and situation. With dd1, I do a lot of the "Oops, whiny voice - try again." or the like... simple, non-engaging correction. With ds (my super sensitive soul whose emotional state is mirrored in his voice) I am finding it best to bend down, hold his shoulders/ hug him and tell him to relax this part of your body (while rubbing his chest) and ask him to use his strong voice. Telling him to simply try again often resulted in more frustration and desperation to be heard. This way, he takes a deep breath and says it again with a quiver, but no whine.. :heart works for us.

08-13-2012, 01:49 AM
Thanks for this thread. Really needing it this month. "Six" is here.