How do you handle Teasing/scaring?

[tnaallen]

My 4 year old is constantly trying to scare her sister (2 years old). Growling or saying key words to scare her (did I write this already? :scratch ). I've told her it makes her sister scared, and related it to how she feels over certain things, etc... But she still does it. Sometimes I know what it's about, like trying to get her away from her and her toy, etc.. But 90% of the time I have no idea why..maybe boredum? It's as though she just does it to be mean. I'm trying to give positive intent, but most of the time I have no idea.

The second thing that has come up is teasing. "I'm going to get the pink cup. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah." And similar. "You're picture isn't pretty. Mine is. ha ha ha."
What do you do about this?

I've had to send her to her room sometimes because she just continues to talk back no matter what I say and some of the things she says I don't want the little one to pick up (which at the stage we are in, the 2 yr old is mimicing 99% of everything her older sister is doing. :doh ).

So I'm trying to come up with a general rule for these things. Except when I can see the deep meaning..then I address that. But most times I have no clue and would like to address the behavior consistantly.

[ArmsOfLove]

for the first I'd insist on making amends

for the second I'd view it as competition which is very normal for that age and I'd talk about "We're a team and if one of us loses we all lose, if one of us wins we all win" and then when she says things like that I'd talk about how she's trying to make her lose and that makes us all lose.

[Marsha]

Do you take the same approach if the aggressor is 6? Because the exact same scenarios are happening here, too!

[tnaallen]

for the first I'd insist on making amends


So how do you *make* someone make ammends? :scratch "Say sorry to your sister." :shrug The last thing I want my kids doing is saying the "I'm sorry's" just to move past the situation. I can see that already. If I explain that it scares her and she needs to make ammends, she usually just does it quickly and then asks for something she wants. She'll hug her, kiss her, and say sorry, but *I* know it's just to get a positive anser in response to her following request. Not because she's actually sorry. And most of that time it's just a quick "I'm sorry" with a pouty face.

My 4 year old oes this ALLLLL the time to make her sister do what she tells her to do. That and she threatens her, "Ok, you better do it or I'm counting; 1, 2, 3...." (which is so interesting to me because I am by far not a counting parent.) That or if she doesn't get the result she wants from her sister she tried to whisper so I don't hear, but her sister hears, "Something is right behind you." . Drives me nuts to no end. I don't like to have my 2 year old glued to me the entire day because she is so fearful in our house thanks to her sister. But what can I do?