how to encourage staying in bed

[snowgirl]

My DS will not stay in bed after we put him down at night. (he is 3.5 yrs.) I am really at a loss as to what to do to keep him in bed. He will get up, turn on his light and start playing, or just lay on his floor. He used to go to bed so well! It has just been the past month or so that he has been doing this. It is driving me crazy!! :banghead :banghead

Any ideas?

[simplegirl]

:hugheart We have sleep issues with our 3.5yo. We've never even gotten to the point of him being okay with being alone in his room at bedtime sooooo, either DH or I (usually DH) stays in the room or doorway until he's asleep. It makes for some very very long nights. I'm so sorry I don't have any ideas, I hope someone will for you! :hug2

[BornFreeBaby]

My DS will not stay in bed after we put him down at night. (he is 3.5 yrs.) I am really at a loss as to what to do to keep him in bed. He will get up, turn on his light and start playing, or just lay on his floor. He used to go to bed so well! It has just been the past month or so that he has been doing this. It is driving me crazy!! :banghead :banghead

Any ideas?


Do you think he is truly sleepy when you put him to bed? Is he still taking a nap?

[ShangriLewis]

He just doesn't sound sleepy. In our house we don't require sleep. Our third son was born with a huge amount of energy. We expect he will be an Olympic athlete :giggle Still at 5 he has a difficult time going to sleep. He just doesn't need that much sleep.

At the age of 3.5 I would say, if there is a nap then remove it. Replace it with some afternoon quiet time if you need.

Our children aren't usually allowed to play on the floor. But, they can take a book, coloring supplies, or toys to bed. Nothing with loud noises. My 5 year old has a basket in his room for books, a blank sketchbook and a metal tin of Lyra crayons. If he gets up we tell him, I see you don't feel sleepy yet. That's ok, but it's bedtime. You are going to get in bed. I will let you have a (give as many choices as you see child is capable of handling...one may be all that can be handled). Repeat, Repeat, Repeat as needed. Consistency is key.

If that fails (it could, also, be the longer summer days..depending on where you live though :think) turn out all the lights in the house. You can lay down with him or just sit in a chair next to him if you wish. I find laying down easier for me.

[Rea T]

Is it something with the age, I wonder? J started going through that at about that age, and I am not proud of what a battle I turned it into, to get him to stay in his bed or even his room. Now that K is at that age we are going through the same thing with him and I'm starting to think it is an age thing (well, that and they share a room now so they feed off each other). We set a bedtime, but we let them take books to bed (they each have a reading lamp). Sometimes they will tell us when they are ready for lights out, sometimes they'll just fall asleep. And sometimes they just plain aren't tired and we'll let them read for longer and then give them a 5 minute warning and turn the lights out. Doesn't always work, but it makes it a little easier.

[snowgirl]

Thank you for all your ideas. It doesn't really matter if he has had a nap or not. One day last week he had a really big day with no nap on top of it. He got out of bed that night as well. :shrug I feel like it is a power struggle with him, like he has realized that he can get out of bed and he does. I want to be able to encourage him to take responsibility for himself to stay in bed. Right now the only thing that is working is telling him that if he gets out of bed he won't be able to watch a particular dvd the next day because he will be too tired. That normally works. I feel like it is manipulative though. :blush
I like the idea of letting him take a book to bed. He does have a nightlight that is pretty bright that he could use to look at a book. :think

Thanks! :heart

[deena]

co-sleeping. :)

[BornFreeBaby]

co-sleeping. :)


Ditto. I agree with a pp that said he may be reaching out, telling you he needs more attention.


Right now the only thing that is working is telling him that if he gets out of bed he won't be able to watch a particular dvd the next day because he will be too tired. That normally works. I feel like it is manipulative though. :blush

It is manipulative. You can not force someone to sleep. The more you fight him to go to sleep the more he will fight back to stay awake.Once you 'drop your rope' it doesn't become a power struggle anymore. Make sleeping something comfortable and not something to dread.

[simplegirl]

You can not force someone to sleep. The more you fight him to go to sleep the more he will fight back to stay awake.Once you 'drop your rope' it doesn't become a power struggle anymore. Make sleeping something comfortable and not something to dread.




ooo. i like that. thanks.

[kakrmom]

My ds was the same way when he first started sleeping in his own room consistently. Now he's almost 5 and he doesn't get up after he's in bed anymore, (well not normally) but he does yell out for us to come in there constantly. When we go in to check to see what he needs, he has to make up something off the wall to try and get us to stay in there. It's getting better, but some nights he will yell out for us for 1/2 hour or so. Anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions?

[simplegirl]

My ds was the same way when he first started sleeping in his own room consistently. Now he's almost 5 and he doesn't get up after he's in bed anymore, (well not normally) but he does yell out for us to come in there constantly. When we go in to check to see what he needs, he has to make up something off the wall to try and get us to stay in there. It's getting better, but some nights he will yell out for us for 1/2 hour or so. Anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions?


half hour? that's lucky ;). yes we have this problem too, but I have no suggestions. this is really new to us, ds1 just started going to sleep on his own this week so i have no idea how to not get him to yell for us. right now we're just trying to instill his trust so we go into him...but curious if others offer advice.

[DancingWithElves]

of course, this depends on temperament, but i had good luck with turning off the lights and putting a story on cd. depending on the length of the story, i put it on repeat. :yes
but think about this: how many adults, many of them pretty well-adjusted have trouble sleeping and require all sorts of help? is it really all that abnormal? it is abnormal when it starts to affect daily activities, i.e. kid's too wired or tired to do what needs to be done. if that is not the case, kid functioning well during the day, then it is just inconvenient for the parents and other fam. members. either family deserves compassionate support :hug2
if there are things changing in kid's life, a transitional period if you will, try Walnut flower remedy (2 drops, in drink, dir. in mouth, or on temples) if kid is very frightened for no apparent reason, or for magical reasons, try rock rose. for kids that have trouble sharing, interrupt and are easily disappointed, use impatiens. for those that are very verbal and "needy" (i use this term with no usual neg. connotation implied), talk on and on about what they feel and think while further agitating themselves, use heather. you may mix up to 5 together. if you give the wrong one, it will just have no effect and will not cause any unwanted reactions.
i had the most encouraging results using flower remedies with the most troubled of my foster daughters :heart! All glory and credit of course is to the Lord, the only true healer we know. :pray4

[NovelMama]

Belaruska, that is fascinating! I've never heard of flower remedies!!

Beth, I think you've gotten some great suggestions here. I understand why you want him to take responsibility for himself, but I think that's too big an expectation for a 3.5yo. And you're probably right in that he's realized, "Hey, I can get up!" and the bigger your reaction is the more fun it's going to be for him. I'd move his bedtime later into the evening and change the expectation from "stay in your bed" to "stay in your room" (or "stay in your bed, but you can have X, Y, and/or Z in there with you"). My 2.5 yo has trouble going down some nights, too, and it drove me crazy until I realized that she did eventually get into bed and go to sleep. (Though we don't have morning obligations, so it's okay if she sleeps in; that might not be an option for you.) It might be part of the half-birthday disequilibrium, given the number of mamas whose 3.5 yo's have had the same problem.

[JBEMom]

I don't tell my daughter (3.5) that she has to *sleep* at a certain time, but she does have a bed time at which time she has to be in her bed. What has helped with us is that we have a specific bedtime routine that she really looks forward to doing (which includes bedtime story, talk about our day, sing good night songs, pray, drink of water, two more little songs as she is laying in bed, then she tells me the *rules*: she can get out of bed to 1) go potty, 2) if she is sick 3) or if something is wrong in her room). This has really cut down on how often she would get out of bed because she gets a good 30-45 minutes of my attention right before she goes to sleep. The other thing is that she has some of her *babies* on her bed. She knows that if she is quite ready for sleep, she can play quietly on her bed with her babies.

With my son, he was reading at 3 years old already so he was allowed to read in his bed for 1/2 hour if he was not tired, and then it had to be lights out, at which point he would talk quietly to himself or his babies if he was still not tired.