Correcting your child in front of his friends?

[JellyBean]

I have a question. I am doing the Weaver Interlock preschool program with my son and I was putting together tomorrow's school box and in the lesson plans it says to invite a friend over and have a craft for them to do together to help him learning sharing. But then it says...practice the most important rule in motherhood...never correct your child in front of his playmate. Its bolded like I put. This book is for 3-4 year olds too. Has anyone heard this? What is the reasoning behind it. It just totally threw me off because if I'm suppose to be teaching him to share and he doesn't and I stand back and let him be selfish how is that helping him???

[Jenny]

:think I can see how correcting a child in front of his friends would be embarrassing for him if it was done in a shaming/humiliating/harsh kind of way. But gently correcting and guiding seems like it would be needed from time to time to teach sharing. I don't know, maybe there's a problem with it that I'm not seeing either? :scratch

[Amber]

Hmmmm. If it might embarrass your kid then I would probably refrain from correcting them in front of their friends. I think this is where having a code phrase or secret sign would come in handy, like if you child has a habit of picking their nose and you are working on stopping it.

[Marsha]

With my oldest, it defintely is better to pull her aside. Even then, she's embarrassed, but it doesn't stop me LOL.

With my second, I just wade in there and show her what TO do , or I pull her aside if she isn't listening. I believe IN GENERAL, you don't want to correct them abruptly in front of their friends. And 3-4 year olds need a lot more than "oh, we do it THIS way" or IME they get wound up and need pulled aside or corrected.

[Aisling]

I always pull my oldest aside and lower my voice. She's sensitive and emotionally aware of others noticing her being corrected, and she has been since she was two. It embarrasses her, and it embitters her towards me even when I use my gentlest voice. Every time I do it, it backfires majorly. If I want to maintain relationship with her and have her listen to me, I need to discreetly pull her aside and give her quiet instruction. Obviously, there are exceptions to this (Hands away from the stove! Stay in our yard!). Incidentally, I hated to be corrected in front of others as a child, too. Most of the time, I'd only just gotten carried away, I liked to be taken seriously, and it was mortifying to be corrected in front of others....it felt like a giant highlighter was being applied to a hidden fault and exposed for everyone to see. :giggle :O

I wouldn't point out dh's faults in front of his friends, unless he was obviously WAY out of control. I won't do it to my daughters, either. But then, I think it depends on the individual emotional needs of your child. :heart

[JellyBean]

I do get it with older kids, but I was just surprised that it was written in a book for 3 year olds. I guess my child isn't emotionally sensitive or I probably would have noticed this. But I'm just thinking of the scenerio where one of the boys grabs a toy the other wants and the other grabs it back and they end up in a deadlock each pulling for the toy. I would typically step in and explain we are suppose to share our toys and show them there are two trucks here so each can have one or whatever. So if your being sensitive to your child what do you do instead. I feel like separating him from that situation would make him WAY more upset since I'd be separating him from the toy and letting the other child have it then stepping in and correcting the situation. I guess its because I've been taught here over and over and over to get off your bottom and go fix the problem and then this tells me not too so I'm sorta confused! :scratch

[Jenny]

I totally get sensitive & emotionally aware, because ds is too. ;) Imagining a situation like the book is describing- getting ds and a friend together to do a craft so he can learn about sharing- I think it would be more counterproductive and embarrassing for him if I physically removed him from the room to talk about sharing. That works better if he's wound up emotionally and needs a break, but if it's difficulty over sharing, say, a pair of scissors, it wouldn't embarrass him for me to say, "It's A's turn with the scissors right now, and when he finishes cutting, it will be your turn." That, to me, isn't pointing out anyone's faults; it's teaching about sharing. :shrug Removing him from the situation to tell him that would, for him, make it feel like a *huge* big deal and like he had done something really wrong. Now, if we're talking about an emotional meltdown over sharing, then yeah, we're moving to another room- because he needs the break at the moment. :shrug Obviously it does depend on the child and the particular situation.

I do find it surprising that the lesson plan in the book makes a big deal out of saying "never correct your child in front of his playmate" is the most important rule in motherhood, since it does seem that the importance of not correcting a child in front of his friends varies from child to child and from situation to situation.

[Jenny]

I do get it with older kids, but I was just surprised that it was written in a book for 3 year olds. I guess my child isn't emotionally sensitive or I probably would have noticed this. But I'm just thinking of the scenerio where one of the boys grabs a toy the other wants and the other grabs it back and they end up in a deadlock each pulling for the toy. I would typically step in and explain we are suppose to share our toys and show them there are two trucks here so each can have one or whatever. So if your being sensitive to your child what do you do instead. I feel like separating him from that situation would make him WAY more upset since I'd be separating him from the toy and letting the other child have it then stepping in and correcting the situation. I guess its because I've been taught here over and over and over to get off your bottom and go fix the problem and then this tells me not too so I'm sorta confused! :scratch


Yeah, that's how it would feel here, too, in a situation like that. Especially if ds was 3 still. I would do pretty much what you described- empathize that sharing can be hard but it's something we have to do, and there are two trucks, so why don't they each pick one and they can play for five minutes then switch- without removing anyone from the room (again, unless we're talking about an emotional meltdown), because I would want both kids involved to see that having a hard time sharing is normal and that we can work together to find a solution.

[~yogamom~]

also, for younger kids, i find that having another non-family member present totally changes the dynamic and makes it more difficult for my 3 yo dd to learn anything from correction.

[ThreeKids]

The word "never" is overused.