Urgent-is this reasonable? UPDATED with more questions

[abbiroads]

Joey has soccer today, we would need to leave in 45 minutes.  I'm trying to decide whether or not to take him

He didn't get enough sleep last night.  He has been acting out physically a lot lately (throwing things at me when he is mad, hittting Eli when frustrated).  This morning I warned him that he needed to show me he could act nicely-be gentle with his body and voice-or I couldn't take him to soccer because it wouldn't be safe.  Well, he hit Eli in the face with a train track and gave him a bloody nose.  I don't think soccer is a good idea because he is acting so poorly at home.  Is that reasonable or is it punitive?

[ArmsOfLove]

if you believe that taking him would be setting him up for failure then keep him home--protect his dignity!

[Living My Dream]

it depends, i think (THINK) it is punitive if you said to him, im not taking you to soccer because you were hitting at home. or if you're saying, you're having a hard time at using your hands in the right way and it may be difficult to control those hands at soccer so i dont think i should take you today, is GD? :shrug

I may be wrong as im fairly new to GD.

[Teribear]

It could be either. I might consider allowing soccer IF you think the physical outlet might help with the aggression at home but otherwise I don't think it would be unreasonable to keep him home from soccer. I'd put it something like, obviously you're not feeling well so we are going to stay home so that you can rest. :shrug

[Yuliana]

It could be either. I might consider allowing soccer IF you think the physical outlet might help with the aggression at home but otherwise I don't think it would be unreasonable to keep him home from soccer. I'd put it something like, obviously you're not feeling well so we are going to stay home so that you can rest. :shrug


That's what I was thinking too.

[2sunshines]

To me, the problem lies with the fact that you already clearly told him that if he did A, the consequence would be B.

Since you clearly said that, I think it's important to follow through.

Whether it's punitive or not needs to be considered before you tell him the consequences of his behaviour, kwim?

[abbiroads]

ahhh, IDK!!! I really think he would do fine at soccer, its when we get back home that I am worried about. What if I take him to soccer but insist on a nap when we get home?

2sunshines--I agree with you

[Teribear]

To me, the problem lies with the fact that you already clearly told him that if he did A, the consequence would be B.

Since you clearly said that, I think it's important to follow through.

Whether it's punitive or not needs to be considered before you tell him the consequences of his behaviour, kwim?


I don't agree with that necessarily. I have often set out an if/then scenerio and then realized I was being unreasonable. I refuse to follow through on principle if that is the case.

In THIS specific scenerio though, I probably would. Since you set out that If/Then ahead of time it is possible that he is telling you with his behavior that he doesn't want to go to soccer because he's too tired to cope and I would probably honor that no matter how immaturely and poorly it was expressed.

[Marsha]

I can only answer based on my dd. I would assume she is tired, soccer would overstimulate her further and she would (a) turn into a screaming maniac or (b) crumple, be tired, bored, and whiney at soccer.

Depending on many variables, I might do soccer and a nap. But I'd be more inclined to do back yard play and a nap. At least let him keep it home.

My dd when she is overtired is just not herself. To me, it doesn't seem fair to put her in a situation where she must perform.

[2sunshines]

I don't agree with that necessarily. I have often set out an if/then scenerio and then realized I was being unreasonable. I refuse to follow through on principle if that is the case.

True. But then the problem lies with the if/then statement that you first laid out, kwim? And the goal should be to only give if/then statements that are reasonable and that you're willing to follow through on. Right?

I agree, if it's completely unreasonable, that's not a good enough reason to follow through. In this case, I don't think it's completely unreasonable.

[abbiroads]

you guys were right and I feel stupid. we should have stayed home.

I went ovr my expectations in the car, he made it through about 20 minutes until he decided he didn't want to participate so we left. I told him we would. I'll be back with more questions when I have two hands.

[abbiroads]

More Questions:

How do I handle him being violent? The other day he threw himself against a door, then onto the floor because I told him to let his friend hold the book while he went to the bathroom. I had to "make it happen" when I reminded him to wash his hands. Then I had to drag him to a chair because I told him to sit until he could calm down and he refused. I had to stand in front of the chair for about 10 minutes until he was calm enough to stay there on his own.

I was telling him the other day to be quiet and he got mad and threw a toy at me. He threw a toy at me another time because I didn't respond to a request the way he wanted me to.

He hits and pushes Eli anytime Eli gets in his space but he refuses to stay away from him or go to his room (where he can close the door so he can play by himself).

What is going on and what can I do about it?

[ShiriChayim]

Isn't there usually a huge surge of testosterone around 5? Could that be causing it? :think