I didn't know I was a Messie

[KatieMae]

I just finished one of Sandra Felton's books (Organizing for Life) and now it would seem I'm a Messie with a little ADHD, a little Depression & a whole lot of perfectionism :sigh

I'm curious to know what you other Messies did when you were able to identify your issues. Did you take immediate action? Deny it for a while? Ignore it all together?

I have my downstairs in a decent condition right now (not very clean, but tidy) and I'm working my way around my upstairs to make it more beautiful. I'm really big into the self-denial part of being a Messie - I don't deserve soft sheets or nice clothing or even time to take care of myself. So I decided to start with our bedroom since I've been in a slump lately - it's either depression again, or just a lot of stress, I'm not sure - and don't want to get out of bed (literally, the alarm goes off & I cry just thinking about starting another day & everything I'll have to do & deal with :cry ) So, Sunday evening while DH was at work, I moved all the furniture in the room, flipped the mattress, changed the sheets & reorganized my clothes so they're not just crammed into two drawers of our dresser anymore. It felt good to do that :yes The physical labor of moving everything + enjoying the new arrangement of furniture. It seems much more open & relaxing now :tu

Next, hopefully this afternoon: Decluttering & deep cleaning the master bathroom :sick Space is a real issue in our tiny bathroom so I'm going to be brutal with tossing stuff. I'm going to D/C when I take things off the shelf & out of the cabinet & then take a 2nd look to purge even more when I put them away in my shiny, clean bathroom. The goal is to only keep the things I'll actually use & then to *reserve time* to make myself use them & take care of me :yes

[RealLifeMama]

I am sorry I do not have time to type much, but I did not want to read without offering you a :hug2
We do have a sticky in this forum.
There is also a daily challenge, which is great, but too much for me at the moment.

[klpmommy]

:hug2

I have started reading one of her books as well. I am definately an ADD messie. here I always thought I was just lazy. :( And I can tell you when I got overwhelmed & the ADD took over- when we moved into this large house & E was born so high needs. Now I think I am a combo "used to it" and overwhelmed ADD. I am trying to improve, but so many habits to break. And I get frustrated that doing it doesn't mean it is done, you know? That really struck me in the book-- I hate dishes, laundry, etc, b/c it is NEVER ENDING!!! If I could clean once & be done I would keep a cleaner house, but the never ending-ness makes it futile, you know? :(

[RealLifeMama]

Kimberly, I held my own until we moved to a larger house, too. Then it just all fell apart before it even got put together!

KatieMae, it sounds like you are really working hard! :tu
Just be careful not to 1]Burn out and 2]let all your hard work come undone. Try to maintain what you have done, and work on those good habits with those particular areas instead of jumping to the next area. Because having the good habits is the key. I think if I could just build good habits in one area and make them stick, I would eventually be better off than when I try to overhaul but not maintain.

[RiverRock]

Katie, so much of what you posted I can relate to. :hug2 I'm not sure if I'm depressed or just run down though. Every day has so much regular stuff and when extra things are added I tend to get small bouts of anxiety about the state of the house and all the household committments (errands such as banking and mail, especially). If I'm not careful I can start to get resentful and guilty about not enjoying life more. Sometimes everything seems to take so much energy. I regularly give myself a day or so to live with denial so I can get a better perspective on what matters. I agree with the pp about not getting run down. Maybe give yourself a day to enjoy what you have done before tackling another big project. Now to see if my public library has the book you wrote about...

[KatieMae]

Thank you all for writing :hug2

I just finished the bathroom; it took 3 hours :O & I threw away or will give away 48 things :jawdrop I'm quite impressed with myself. Especially with the decluttering; I let go of things I've been holding onto for years & the bathroom looks so much better now!


Just be careful not to 1]Burn out and 2]let all your hard work come undone.

:yes I've been in overwhelmed mode for almost a month so I've barely kept the dishes & laundry functioning, nevermind cleaning anything so it's alllllllll dirty right now. But like I said, if I can keep the downstairs looking acceptable then I can allow myself some project time doing each of the rooms upstairs (and then downstairs.) I was following a modified Motivated Moms daily routine & cleaning schedule for three months, so I just have to get back into those habits to maintain what I'm doing now in the project-cleaning.

I do realize a few things, though it's quite hard to change my thinking...
1. There is no "perfect" time to clean/pickup/declutter - do it NOW. The kids will deal with me being busy for a few minutes, or they can help.
2. I'll never want to do "X" chore, so do it NOW and be done with it. I was very very emotional with cleaning - I had to be in just the right mood to do something & it had to be exciting [she talks about adrenaline junkies - that's totally me :yes2) But I realize now that that's so dumb; WHY would I ever enjoy cleaning?!? I don't like it, that's fine, but that's not an excuse to avoid it.
3. I'm allowed & I deserve to have a pretty house. This one is very tough for me. I never want to spend money on the house, but it's amazing what a great mood-lift I can get from a freshly painted wall or a new picture on the wall. My happiness is worth $25 in paint & a few hours of work.
4. I need to make a deliberate effort to take my vitamins & supplements each day, eat healthy foods & go to the gym. I'm currently anemic, breastfeeding the baby & alone with the children 16+ hours every day - that's a lot of strain on one woman. I *must* be healthy & rested to be a good mom, nevermind having enough energy to tackle housekeeping!

[FaroeIslandBabes]

It sounds like your doing a great job trying to get on track...I think Im in denial :/ I love having a clean house but the upkeep drives me insane... :sick

[kwisie]

:hugheart Welcome to the messie crew. You'll find some good company here.


That sounds like a book I should read, too. It sounds like there's a lot of good stuff there.

[TraceMama]

Katie, :hugheart just now saw this. Overwhelmed is the state of affairs at our house too just now. :yes2 I'll put that book on my reading list *after* I finish my graduate courses (which I'm avoiding right now by being here :O). Obviously, ADD and denial feed into my house issues as well. :giggle ;) And, I second Kimberly's post about the insanity of just having to do the same things all the time, over and over, and seeing little progress. Very frustrating! :banghead

[erinee]

I am a messie with perfectionist, ADD, and depression issues. I never thought of myself as a perfectionist, because I always equated that with actually having everything perfect -- but then I realized it also manifests itself as "if I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it at all." That's how I am. Thus, there are times when I have the time and the energy and the motivation to clean, and then I can't stop, and it drives my family crazy. Because of that, I often don't get started at all, because I know I won't be able to stop. So I have kind of a vicious cycle of the house being emaculate and no one being able to go anywhere without me being right behind them with a rag cleaning up and the house being an absolute PIT.

I can't follow Flylady, but I do keep some of her mantras close at heart -- particularly "House work done imperfectly still blesses your family," and "You can do anything for 15 minutes." My lists also help a lot -- not only do I work until I've crossed everything off and it gives me a visual record of what I've done, but it's like the list gives me permission to STOP when it's all done. When I actually take the time to make a list, it makes all the difference. The list also helps with my ADD issues. I have to take meds for the depression, but it does help when the house is clean and I feel like I've accomplished something, too!

Just a story to share so you'll know what I'm dealing with and that you're not alone. At the moment, we are in the pit cycle, so there are piles of clothes that need to be put away, toys on the floor, all the usual stuff. Megan went camping with dh last night, and I was packing for her. I pulled her bathing suit out of her drawer. At the same time, I was getting the kids' costumes together for dress rehearsal and making them some supper. All of a sudden, the bathing suit was gone. I mean really and truly gone. It was like Enoch -- it was, and then it was no more. I still haven't found it. I've torn everything apart, gone through all the laundry baskets and hampers, and it is nowhere to be found. This happened within about 30 seconds. It's not like I went anywhere. I was so upset and frustrated and perplexed! Not because the bathing suit was such a big deal, but because this is what it's like to be me, and I'm so tired of it!

[ThreeKids]

I'm a messie with the most severe ADHD you've ever seen and I'm inlcuding kids with ADHD in that generalization. I also have Tourette's and OCD. The areas where I'm functional is where I have a routine where if I do one thing, I do another. Developing those routines is very hard because ADHD affects the planning part of your brain so putting them together can be overwhelming and the size of the routine can make starting that task overwhelming. I get into a catch 22 where the routine is the only way I can do something, but there are reasons the routines themselves are too overwhelming to start or develop in the first place. Catch 22 is another was of saying dysfunctional. My ADHD is very severe and having some things be dysfunctional is unavoidable. I've learned not to beat myself up about so I don't have to worry about depression stemming from ADHD, but it's particularly annoying that others want to view accepting your limitations as giving up.

There may be a let-down in store for you. I've been through a scenario many times in my life and there's this incredible feeling of hope when I first identify an issue specifically enough that addressing it seems within reach. Then, I have to realize that identifying it just a first step and for some issues it may be the last successful step. The issue remains and strategies I had developed before identifying the issue specifically may have got me to a point where this is as good as it gets and I'll have to accept my limitations all over again.