How much does dh help around the house?

[TraceMama]

I'm just wondering how it pans out in other people's homes. :shrug I *feel* like dh was much more helpful before we had two dc, before we moved into a bigger house (hence more to clean), but it might just be me and the time of the month. ;) :shifty

So, how much does your dh help out around the house?

Does he only do the regular *manly* duties like lawn care and garbage duties or does he dig right in with you and scrub toilets, fold laundry, load/unload the dishwasher, mop floors, etc. on a regular basis (which is to say, not just before company comes over :giggle)?

[ThreeKids]

Right now, I'm clearly the primary home keeper around here I'm liking it better that way.

When we were both working outside the home, I had a harder time dealing with whether it was a fair split. It wasn't, but dh doesn't always have the clearest perception of what he does and nothing's going to change it.

When he's home from work, I can count on him to help when I don't have enough hands, like keeping the kids from playing in a mess I'm trying to clean up. He does cooks sometimes, but manages to get the kitchen so jammed up with dishes it ends up being about the same work for me in the end. I like that the work split is more clear now.

I could get downright resentful the way it was when I was working, when he thought he was doing the most around the house, but really wasn't doing much.

[mom2threegirls]

I do most of the household stuff here too. I like it better that way- I do a better job on stuff when I can have some ownership in it and take pride in a job well done. He helps out a lot on the weekends and in the evening if he has some downtime but it's my main responsibility just because I have more time for it and am better at it and enjoy it (well, mostly :shifty he ends up cleaning the toilets a lot because I DON'T enjoy that ;)) :shrug. I take care of the regular lawn maintenance and gardening stuff and he takes care of the "extra" stuff and repairs/big stuff inside and out. Well except for the painting and decorating stuff- that's definitely my job ;). He DID help the girls clean their rooms and closets today while I was gone for a few hours which totally surprised me (they were very messy!) :yes :heart. My oldest DD helps around the house a lot too :rockon (and the younger ones try but they don't end up helping much ;)).

[KatieMae]

Does he only do the regular *manly* duties like lawn care and garbage duties?


Yes :yes But he is totally willing to help me with anything I ask of him. At this point, he's simply not home much (he works 70+ hrs/wk between the two jobs) and when he is home, we both prefer that he's playing or doing something helpful with the children. Like, I'm more likely to say, "pop the kids in the tub & get them into their jammies," than I am to say, "would you mind picking up their toys & vacuuming the living room?" :no

[kwisie]

DH does most of the cooking and will help pick up, vacuum/sweep, do dishes, or fold clothes willingly if asked and sometimes even if not asked. If I'm seeming stressed, the first thing he will do is clean up and make the environment more pleasing; it's a very nice way to help reduce my stress level. :heart

[ziggyplaid]

His regular chores include taking out the trash and putting the trash on the street, but usually I have to put the trash by the door for him to remember to take it out. :) He helps put the baby to bed at night and helps me clear the dishes off the table most of the time after dinner. He does remember to put his underwear in the hamper though. :rolleyes2

[Ellen]

DH takes care of picking up a lot of the clutter around our house. He's much better at dealing with it quickly than I am. He doesn't really like having to do it, but he does it because he likes having the house picked up. He also helps clean up the kitchen after dinner most nights, and sweeps the floor at least a few times a week. Other tasks like cleaning the floors, bathrooms, laundry, etc.are primarily my job.

[malakoa]

My husband does about 60% of the housework. He loves to cook dinner, he won't let me do the dishes because he says I don't do a good job, and doesn't like the way I clean the bathroom so he goes after me when I do that too.

I usually do the floors, I guess that's the only job that's always mine. I fold a good percentage of the clothes and put them away.

[Blue-EyedLady]

We're a little unusual in that I work full-time and DH stays home with the baby during the day. He works part-time, and does online college classes. With a 3mo at home, you can just imagine - we don't have much time for anything! Since I went back to work a month ago, he's started doing a lot more around the house than he used to. :heart He will now do laundry without being asked, and is really good about keeping up with the diapers. He's also pretty good about planning dinner, and getting it started. When I get home in the evening, I'll usually say, "X, Y, and Z need to be done tonight" and he'll do at least one of those things.

[Psyche]

DH helps out more now, but I still don't think the divide is equitable. I'm home with DS the majority of the time and have my (primarily) WAH job. I think what irks me is that I have to ask and remind him to do his chores. So I'm still responsible for them b/c I have to make sure they get done. I do not enjoy that.

[canadiyank]

We just both do whatever's needed. He does most of the cooking and I shop for it. He does his own laundry and helps fold/put away the rest of ours, but I usually get it in the washer/dryer. He does the floors (I have a hip disorder that makes pushing a vacuum difficult, although I can do it for short periods, but not a whole-house vacuuming). I usually do the upstairs bathroom and he does his downstairs one, although I touch it up after he's done (shhhh, don't tell! :shifty). We both keep the kitchen clean, kinda depends what else is going on. I do most of the gardening/weeding etc. while he does bigger jobs like cleaning the patio. He mows though typically he barters a kid for trombone lessons to do it.

Before company or my folks come we have an excellent routine and together can get the house sparkling and we know exactly what our own contributions are. But that's not "regular," that's....ack, we've got to clean this sty!!!! :lol

[cmecu2]

He helps if I need him to but I do the majority of the house work. Except during tax time I am a SAHM. I could have went out and got a job from the get go but paying daycare for 2 kids is expensive and would eat most of my income. So I decided it was best for our family to stay home with the girls. So my job consists of taking care of the house. So I do all the cleaning and laundry. the girls do help with laundry when I need it. They also help clean house when asked as well. They have their own chores to do like taking the garbage out, scooping the kitty litter, feeding the pets, brushing the pets and picking up their things. In the summer they get more chores since going to school isn't their primary job. However Travis works 40 + hours a week. he has his normal 40 hour job which since it's computers its not always just 40 hours. Then he does consulting on the side as well but he's got 4 clients and 2 major ones. That takes up time too and he maybe at home working he's still working. But his income is more than enough to see that I don't have to work if I don't want to. So I don't ask him to do any chores around the house nor expect him to either. He does cook but not all the time. He loves to cook and I don't. LOL! So it works out well for us.

Now right now I am working. I do taxes for H&R Block. So the whole family pitches in around here. Oherwise my day offs are spent doing nothing but housework and I'd much rather spend that with my family. So everyone pitches in to get things done.

Now don't get me wrong, if I asked Travis to help he would. It's not that he won't at all. I just don't ask because he has his job and since I am home all day long this is my job. Plus my girls are both in school so I have all day long to do everything. I know when I work all day the last thing I want to do is come home to do housework. So I wouldn't dream of asking Travis after he's worked all day long.

[Blue-EyedLady]

I think what irks me is that I have to ask and remind him to do his chores. So I'm still responsible for them b/c I have to make sure they get done. I do not enjoy that.


Yeah - I totally get that.

I have a theory of "mess tolerance." I think everyone has a different mess tolerance level. Some people are neat freaks (mess tolerance = 0), and others are complete slobs (mess tolerance = 10), and most people are somewhere in the middle. Anecdotally speaking, it seems like in most marriage the mess tolerance level btwn partners doesn't match. For example, I'm like, a 3 on the scale, while DH is more like a 7 or 8. So what happens is when I see housework to be done, I think it's a mess that must be taken care of long before it registers on DH's radar screen. So I feel like I have to remind him to take care of things all the time, when really, it's more a matter of - he had no ideas it needed to be done! I'm starting to show him where my mess tolerance level is, and it helps, but housework still is my responsibility, and he is only the helper.

BTW - he agrees that we should split housework more evenly in theory, but hasn't picked the chores he is willing to do yet. :smile

[doubleblessings]

He almost always mows and cleans out the fridge. When he is in town he does most of the grocery shopping and at least half of the cooking. When needed or I ask he will do almost any household chore. But our situation is different than many. He normally travels about 2 weeks a month and then is home (with little work to do) the rest of the time.

[TraceMama]

I feel like I need to clear dh's name. ;) :giggle He actually does quite a bit around here :) He'll pitch in wherever I ask him to. Besides that, he regularly empties all the trash cans, does the recycling, yard work, loads/unloads the dishwasher (not every day, but almost), etc.

I think what was bugging me on the day I posted was that I have to *ask* him; he doesn't necessarily say, "Oh, honey, I see you're having a rough day, let me take over that chore for you." ;) I think I sometimes miss his anticipation of my need for help, kwim?

To quote (roughly) Vince Vaughan and Jennifer Aniston in The Break Up:

JA: "I want you to WANT to help me do the dishes."
VV: "Why would I WANT to do dishes?"

Etc.... :lol

[WanderingJuniper]

My husband does what he sees needs to be done as he sees it and feels like it. He does his own laundry, does garbage and recycles, fixes stuff as needed, empties and loads the dishwasher on a regular basis, sweeps the floor, scrubs the shower and helps Bear with her laundry. Those are the regular things he does. The things he does if I ask or on a whim are vacuum, change the sheets, clean the toilet and vacum the steps. He also enjoys cooking for us on his days off or if I need a break on a day he works early.

[RachamMama]

It has varied during our marriage. When he has time he does a lot of the housework. Lately he hasn't had much time though. ;)

[HEmomma]

DH does most of the cooking and will help pick up, vacuum/sweep, do dishes, or fold clothes willingly if asked and sometimes even if not asked. If I'm seeming stressed, the first thing he will do is clean up and make the environment more pleasing; it's a very nice way to help reduce my stress level. :heart


:yes This is my dh to a 'T'.

[allycat]

He takes the garbage out on garbage day, does laundry, will do dishes maybe 1/week, does repairs around the house and car repairs, will help do overall cleaning if we are having guests over.

[Minerva]

:giggle When company is coming, he is a great help.

Honestly, he works about 70 hours a week and I only work 40 so I expect that he shouldn't do as much. He does all the many stuff - taking out the trash, mowing, etc and I do everything else. If I ask for help when things get overloaded, he doesn't mind pitching in but I try not to ask since he works so much.