What is the appropriate response?

[LvnLtl1s]

2 yr old DS is having major meltdowns. The smallest things (Mommy getting him the "wrong" sippy when he wanted a different one, not getting the snack he wanted, Mommy not allowing him to snatch a toy from his baby sister, etc) set him off. He's pretty verbal and often I'll tell him how to ask for the "right" sippy and once he does I'll give him that one. But sometimes it just doesn't stop and the next thing I know he has thrown himself down on the floor: back straight, arms out in front, legs straight as a board, and SCREAMING at the top of his lungs. It drives me nuts. And he will just keep on and on. This generally happens several times a day. I get so angry with him. Sometimes I have to go sit him on his bed and shut his door because I don't want to end up screaming back at him and I know if it continues I will. But, where should this go before it gets to that point? When he first throws himself down on the floor, what should happen to stop the escalation? I want him to understand that type of behavior will not get him what he wants and help him learn to calm down without losing my cool in the process. HELP!

[mamaKristin]

welcome to the 2.5 year disequilibrium. Or my house with my 2 year old. :shifty

I'm currently doing a lot of getting down to her level, touching her on the shoulder and saying "let's stop and try again. what is it you want?" Sometimes, just physically connecting before things escalate to screaming helps a lot. I'm also doing a lot of consoling after the meltdown too. It's like they just get stuck at frustrated, and can't shake it. I know when I model quiet, calm words and actions, it helps (even if I don't always feel it ;)).

[AmyDoll]

I try to offer a choice of sippy - it does help. If I get the wrong cup though and a meltdown ensues - I don't necessarily change the cup. It's annoying. I reflect feelings and then put the cup within reach and say, "here's your drink. when you are ready you can get it."

[mamaKristin]

I try to offer a choice of sippy - it does help. If I get the wrong cup though and a meltdown ensues - I don't necessarily change the cup. It's annoying. I reflect feelings and then put the cup within reach and say, "here's your drink. when you are ready you can get it."



I do this too. The key for me is to try not to take the meltdown personally. Frustration happens, and I don't like to encourage it...but I also don't want to use their frustration as a means to get things fixed, if that makes sense.

[Amber]

welcome to the 2.5 year disequilibrium. Or my house with my 2 year old. :shifty


Hey that's what I was going to say :giggle

When Cole was 2.5yrs he would meltdown if his food broke :giggle It's funny to me now, but at the time it was very frustrating.

We did a lot of reflecting feelings. If he could handle choices then I would give him a choice (but he couldn't always handle them). The good news is that they will grow out of this stage :yes

[Kyasmom]

welcome to the 2.5 year disequilibrium. Or my house with my 2 year old. :shifty

Hey that's what I was going to say :giggle

Me too. :yes

:hug2 When that scenario is playing itself repeatedly in my home, I typically find that I need a little more empathy and some firmer boundaries. On particularly tough days I get down to her level and get eye contact and say something like "you seem to be having a really rough time right now, how can I help you feel better?" or if she is past the point of knowing what she needs, I say "... how about sitting and snuggling and reading a book until you feel better."

[LvnLtl1s]

Thanks ladies. Good to know "This 2 shall pass". What do you mean by "disequilibrium"?

Often when he's having these tantrums I have tried getting down and talking to him, but he just continues the fit. It's like he can't turn it off. Do you just let it's course? When it does get to the point of him lying in the floor, kicking and throwing a fit is it reasonable to pick him up and put him in a chair or on his bed (somewhere safe so he won't hurt himself) and leave him there until he calms down? Can a 2 year old be expected to do that? Or do I need to sit with him each and every time? Sometimes that's hard to do with another baby in the house and sometimes its hard to do with my own temper rising.

[Marsha]

welcome to the 2.5 year disequilibrium. Or my house with my 2 year old. :shifty

Hey that's what I was going to say :giggle

Me too. :yes

:hug2 When that scenario is playing itself repeatedly in my home, I typically find that I need a little more empathy and some firmer boundaries. On particularly tough days I get down to her level and get eye contact and say something like "you seem to be having a really rough time right now, how can I help you feel better?" or if she is past the point of knowing what she needs, I say "... how about sitting and snuggling and reading a book until you feel better."


:yes :yesI have a 2.5 year old too. And I still prefer it to 3.5 so go figure! AFA the fit not being "reachable" I kind of walk away. They never let me go far. The easier they go to being mad and wanting to being accepting but sad, the healthier they are. So it's important to allow them to be sad when they didn't get what they expected. I expect age appropriate displays of sadness to occur in time LOL.

[mamaKristin]

I find when my 2 year old is 'stuck' in being upset, I often find it helps if I let her continue to let out her big feelings, while being close by. For example, 2 year old melts down on kitchen floor over drink and isn't distracted or calmed by other measures. I tell her "I'm right here putting away dishes, you let me know when you need me". And she does. When she has gotten out her big feelings, she asks me for a snuggle.

[Kyasmom]

I find when my 2 year old is 'stuck' in being upset, I often find it helps if I let her continue to let out her big feelings, while being close by. For example, 2 year old melts down on kitchen floor over drink and isn't distracted or calmed by other measures. I tell her "I'm right here putting away dishes, you let me know when you need me". And she does. When she has gotten out her big feelings, she asks me for a snuggle.

I do that too. :yes I also have found that it can be helpful to emphatically identify her feelings. In the drink situation I would say "you really want the yellow sippy cup, you are frustrated that I gave you the pink one". It seems to be more helpful to her when I put lots of emphasis on her feelings. Maybe she is feeling that the intensity of her feelings are being understood. :shrug

One other thing that has helped me is to remember that it is not my job to stop her from melting down. When I feel that way, I worry that I will try to talk her out of her big feelings. Instead, I remember that it is my job to help her learn to process and appropriately communicate her big feelings. It frees me up to "allow" her to not do it right yet.

[Amber]

Thanks ladies. Good to know "This 2 shall pass". What do you mean by "disequilibrium"?



Disequilibrium is a developmental stage that most kids seem to go through around the half year marks...so 1.5, 2.5, etc. They way that I often describe it is that their minds can think of things that they just can do yet (whether verbally, emotionally or physically) so it leaves the kids with a lot of frustration. Maybe someone who is better versed in child development can explain it better :O

If you haven't already I would highly recommend reading Ames & Illg's "Your Two Year Old" (they have a whole series one for each year), just ignore their discipline advice ;)