In the van and In the store/public???

[made4more]

what could a concequence be for misbehavior in public? screaming in the van? name calling in the van??? have you ever had to pull over to adress an issue? if so, what was the issue,a nd how did you handle it? if you dont have any experience here, can you make up something so that I can understand this better?

thansk TONS!

[Lady TS]

:popcorn

I am pulling up a chair to join you in waiting for a reply. Our kids are so close in age, it looks like we are dealing with some of the same issues! :) (My dd is the one who thinks it's so cool to scream in the van lately.)

[Nightingale]

First, don't think of "what the consequence could be." I think that already starts you off on the wrong foot.

More specific examples would be helpful, but let's see if I can think of anything.

For in the van:
The first thing to do is be proactive instead of reactive. Get them involved in something before things go sour. Have their favorite music on. Sing silly songs. Tell them a story. Give them books to read.

The next thing is, when things start going bad, distract. If it's screaming, teach them "silent screams." Sing a really goofy song ( have done this many times). Play a pretend game. Play I spy. Ask them to tell you a story. Ask them to tell you what they see.

If things absolutely don't calm down, then sure, pull over. I've had to do that a couple of times. Usually, pulling over is enough to distract them. Get everyone re-situated and happy. Give them something to do.

In public:
Prepare them for where you're going. Have snacks if that would help. Keep them involved in what you're doing. use playful parenting. If things get out of hand, leave if you have to. If you can't leave, just get through it as fast as you can. I've had a few times where someone is throwing a fit, and I'm almost done, so I just hurry through and get out as fast as I can. People might give me looks, but :shrug The must forget what it's like to have little kids. It's ok.

[Teribear]

Screaming in the vehicle is a safety issue as I cannot concentrate on the road if there is too much noise in the car. I have been known to pull to the side of the road, turn off all entertainment devices and just sit there until the child decides that being bored to pieces in their car seat is not a lot of fun and chooses to exercise proper car behavior. This works most effectively if we are going somewhere the CHILD wants to go. Can't address the name calling issue since DD is an only.

As far as misbehavior in public...leave. Seriously. Plan it so that you can afford to leave a few times and watch what a difference it makes. The last time I dealt with serious misbehavior in public was the day I walked out of Target when DD was 5 leaving behind $200 of new summer clothes for her at the register. She realized then that I was serious. That I was willing to halt a transaction AT THE REGISTER and leave because she was throwing a fit in public and I don't do fits. We went back a few days later and picked out all the exact items again and made the purchase but it made a huge impression on her apparently because that was the absolute last time we ever came close to having to leave anywhere again.

[jojola]

My boys, (7 and 4) for some reason think it's hilarious to scream in the car when daddy's there. (They rarely do it when we're alone, I think they don't like that we have conversations that don't include them, so I try to include them as much as possible.) It drives my husband batty!! We have pulled over to the side of the road and stood outside of the car until the screaming stops. Partly to let them know it's not okay to scream, and partly so we don't have to hear it! (We have an old Volvo car, so there's not much room inside). When it wasn't safe to pull over, I've told them that if they don't stop, they will sit in their carseats for an extra minute when we get where we're going (don't know how GBD this is, it's just the best I can think of at the time.) If we were going somewhere primarily for them, I'll count to 10 (or whatever) and then turn around and go home. I think I only ever did that once... and usually we're going somewhere like shopping or school.

I have turned around and gone home at the door of a shop if there's misbehavior, even when it meant going back later. When that was impracticable (say, picking up necessary supper items) I have taken them outside the shop until they calm down. I have also implemented natural consequences like not taking them out to a restaurant after shopping because I'm too worn out from a bad shopping trip. However, I have also been aware that sometimes they just have extra energy, and tell them, "I can see you've got tons of energy today and it's hard to walk slowly and be quiet while mommy's shopping. Hang in there and I'll take you to the playroom to run off that extra energy after." It helps ME to view the situation that way, and then of course it works because they run around and wear themselves out.

As far as tantrums go, my boys learned at a very early age that any whining and demanding meant an IMMEDIATE removal from the situation, and since they have NEVER gotten a toy/snack/whatever in that situation, they learned not to bother. They also know the phrase "it's not a buying day" and are excellent window shoppers! :phew I do, however, usually plan for something if the shopping trip is a long one. My boys usually get lunch just before we go grocery shopping and eat it in the cart - a lifesaver!!

Am interested to hear any other ideas about the screaming in the car.

[made4more]

so is it selfish of me to think, that as the parent, that I should NOT have to take a trip twice? :shifty I can see if we are s hopping for something for one of the kids and they throw a fit, but what if it's shopping for me? same thing?

[Nightingale]

Well, sure you *should* be able to...but do you want your kids to learn how to behave, and do you want them to learn that is in the most healthy way?

[Amythestmama]

Lunch or snacks in the cart work great!! :yes As does singing silly songs and playing silly games as we walk thro the store. Sure other adults look at me like I escaped from the looney bin but hey! my kids are happy! :giggle For screaming in the car? Well, they don't scream but they do cry or fuss sometimes. If dh is along, one of can get up and give them books, toys, etc. If I'm alone, I ask (tell) them to stop. If they can't or won't, I turn up the music and sing so that I don't loose my cool. Generally they will stop and sing along after a bit. ;) Otherwise, I try to space out till we get to our destination or a safe stopping place. (I only ignore for their own good. :/ )

[Lady TS]

so is it selfish of me to think, that as the parent, that I should NOT have to take a trip twice? :shifty I can see if we are s hopping for something for one of the kids and they throw a fit, but what if it's shopping for me? same thing?


I don't think it's selfish, but maybe it's because I'm in the same boat. It takes all I can give just to get everyone ready and out the door and costs around $8 in gas to go to a town with decent shopping---and we don't have the money to make extra trips to the store. So I EXPECT them to behave, but if they don't....we get through it somehow. :shifty

We rarely go on a trip just for something for the kids--it's usually a car full of groceries and we pick up the kid thing while we're there.

I don't go shopping just for me unless I'm by myself...I think the last time I did that was last June. :shifty

[made4more]

so is it selfish of me to think, that as the parent, that I should NOT have to take a trip twice? :shifty I can see if we are s hopping for something for one of the kids and they throw a fit, but what if it's shopping for me? same thing?


I don't think it's selfish, but maybe it's because I'm in the same boat. It takes all I can give just to get everyone ready and out the door and costs around $8 in gas to go to a town with decent shopping---and we don't have the money to make extra trips to the store. So I EXPECT them to behave, but if they don't....we get through it somehow. :shifty

We rarely go on a trip just for something for the kids--it's usually a car full of groceries and we pick up the kid thing while we're there.

I don't go shopping just for me unless I'm by myself...I think the last time I did that was last June. :shifty


I wouldn't leave either. maybe to the van (maybe) but not totally. It would be really frustrating though. but mostly because I'm used to "getting what I want" (read other thread titled first time obedience)

[Mama Bird]

Glad to see this thread. I'm in the same boat in that we can't afford to leave. We don't live in a town with a grocery store, so every time I shop, it's a big shopping trip. Household, groceries, etc. I can't do it twice, we couldn't afford the gas. I try to take snacks in the diaper bag. I keep the DVD player in the van so DS can watch a video. We play a lot of I Spy. We crank up the music and sing. I keep books in the van, as well as things like mind puzzles, coloring books with colored pencils, etc. Magnadoodles are awesome, and tiny etch-a-sketches.

In the store...is a chore. (I'm so a poet.) Often, I'll make a list for my son, who is just beginning to read. I'll draw the items I need next to the words, and let him cross them off. I let him do some choosing if it's not critical which kind of something we get. We look for things that are orange one day, things that are purple the next time, etc. We try to pause between stores for lunch. (Usually a Lunchable, which is a huge treat at our house.)

I struggle with this a lot. My 5yo is really too big to be in the cart, but too goober-ish to stay safely with me. :blush

[mamaKristin]

so is it selfish of me to think, that as the parent, that I should NOT have to take a trip twice? :shifty I can see if we are s hopping for something for one of the kids and they throw a fit, but what if it's shopping for me? same thing?


I so understand. We are in an area with little shopping too - WalMart or other big stores are at least 90 minutes drive one way.

Setting them up for success is good. Well timed trips, snacks, tasks to do while shopping, silly songs in the store, having my oldest jump from tile to tile on the floor (on a brown one, now jump to a white one!) - whatever it takes! My oldest had a massive act up at a church supper last week, and I immediately took all three of my kids home. He was SO upset about leaving. We talked, and I reminded him that inappropriate behavior means we can't stay. I didn't want to go, but leaving was a lot easier than dealing with his (terrible) behavior in public - between the pressure of hoping to do the right thing, and while people are watching...well, getting in the van to leave was the better choice because it also reminded *both* of us that sometimes leaving is the right thing to do.