How do I get them to let go of thier stuffed toys?

[Heather Micaela]

I am trying really hard to get rid of clutter and doing great for the most part. But the one thing I cannot get my kids to let go of is stuffed toys (And I swear they multiply at night). I know many declutter behind kids' backs but I think that teaches mistrust when they ask for something later and and I say "sorry it's gone." And no, they do NOT forget. I searched all night (without luck) for a Heffalump I KNOW we did not toss out but that dd has not played with for at least a month. She is in tears over it. Now I do throw out the McDonalds stuff w/o asking and some of those dinky carnival stuffed animals, but the rest they SWEAR they love.

I have bribed, rewarded, and even forced to get them to the point they are now. But we still have a toy box like this:

http://www.littletikes.com/productimages/full/7903_full.jpg That is overflowing with stuffed toys. And that does not even include the Pooh Bears/Piglets/Eeyores that are part of a collection. (Set on a shelf and not allowed to be declutterd)

So what can I do to get them to let go of even more stuffed toys?

[canadiyank]

The only time I've been able to successfully get rid of a bunch was when our church had a toy drive. Kiri gave away tons, even ones I wasn't expecting. The rest that I don't want to deal with live in a box downstairs. If they ask for them then I can go find them, but so far they've only asked for one. I get tired of people giving them as gifts, too, not sure what to do about that, if I need to say outright "no more dolls or stuffed animals, especially NOT HUGE ONES." Maybe they, like Kiri, would help out a kid in need?

[Heather Micaela]

The only time I've been able to successfully get rid of a bunch was when our church had a toy drive. Kiri gave away tons, even ones I wasn't expecting. The rest that I don't want to deal with live in a box downstairs. If they ask for them then I can go find them, but so far they've only asked for one. I get tired of people giving them as gifts, too, not sure what to do about that, if I need to say outright "no more dolls or stuffed animals, especially NOT HUGE ONES." Maybe they, like Kiri, would help out a kid in need?

we declutter almost weekly and they get that the toys go to kids that dont have them, but they are at the point where they just dont want to give anymore. Now they whine cry and set out arguments on why they should keep them that would impress any attorney.

Would it be wrong to just force a couple and make it up to them with something NOT tangible?

[Mother Duck]

:hug I could have written your post - except we have *boxes* of soft toys that we are not allowed to get rid of :doh

[Heather Micaela]

Oh, I am sure you can identify then, since you have moved often. I am trying to declutter before we move so I dont have to cart this junk around.

[Marsha]

This is probably going to sound very unhelpful, so I apologize in advance.

Either you want the toys gone, or you want your kids to be happy.

Wanting them to want to do what you want doesn't work. Ask me how I know. So either I do what I think is right and best and sta nd by the c onsequences (heck, they are going to have therapy over something) or I do my best to get happy about what I am allowing.

In my case, I do both. I reduced the number of stuffed animals when my hoarder was at preschool. I then boxed up special ones: ones given by my mom who is with the Lord, ones given by other grandparents now reposed, and so on.

Ainslee thinks everything is special, tags from her clothes, stickers from the grocery store, receipts, bits of lint. I have no sympathy for it anymore. I just tell her that it's unacceptable and when she has her own house she can do as she chooses.

She still has more junk, more toys and more stuffed animals than my preference, but it's what I can live with.

And I just throw them away. I dont'; waste time with freecycle or thrift stores. Who buys stuffed animals at thrift stores anyway? When the time is right and the iron hot, I strike LOL.

I would encourage you I guess to be the parent, decide what's important for you and do it. NOt worry about how to make your children change their minds about something that clearly they aren't.

[lumpofclay]

First of all, where are the toys? That's important to discuss, and we can go further with that thought when you reply. :)

Second, you need to institute a "one in, one out" rule right away. That won't decrease what you already have, but it will stop them from multiplying! Numerous times, our DDs have left something in the store b/c they realized it wasn't worth getting rid of something they already had/loved. They've also said it was worth it, and when the toy comes home it stays with me until they trade it out for something to get rid of. (Then I either decide to donate, sell, or trash it.)

Third, there is a huge part of giving children their own space and allowing them their own decision-making process that is really vital IMO to helping a child grow into maturity. When you have a 3 or 4 yo, it's much easier to declutter toys that are too young for them or broken or whatever (without their help). They are simply not very capable of making those choices, especially on a weekly basis. When you have a 9 yo, it's much more important to involve them in the process. You are so right that they will feel violated and angry if you step in and make decisions about what "should" be important to them (by getting rid of stuff you think isn't important).

Looking at your DC's ages, you should be (IMO) starting that transition. :)

Let me know if these thoughts help at all and where the toys are currently. Then we can go from there!

[Singingmom]

We are fortunate to have an attic. I'm able to set a limit on how many toys they can keep in their room based on our limited storage. When we need to weed through things, they go to the attic, and the kids know I'll get something down for them if they want me to later. More often than not, they forget about the things up there. Now about what we'll do with the toys that are accumulating in the attic... :think But at least their rooms are not overrun with toys.

[Heather Micaela]

This is probably going to sound very unhelpful, so I apologize in advance.

Either you want the toys gone, or you want your kids to be happy. Wanting them to want to do what you want doesn't work. Ask me how I know. So either I do what I think is right and best and sta nd by the consequences (heck, they are going to have therapy over something) or I do my best to get happy about what I am allowing.

In my case, I do both. I reduced the number of stuffed animals when my hoarder was at preschool. I then boxed up special ones: ones given by my mom who is with the Lord, ones given by other grandparents now reposed, and so on.

Ainslee thinks everything is special, tags from her clothes, stickers from the grocery store, receipts, bits of lint. I have no sympathy for it anymore. I just tell her that it's unacceptable and when she has her own house she can do as she chooses.

She still has more junk, more toys and more stuffed animals than my preference, but it's what I can live with.

I would encourage you I guess to be the parent, decide what's important for you and do it. NOt worry about how to make your children change their minds about something that clearly they aren't.

No offense - but the issue is bigger than that. It is not about happiness, it is about ownership. IMO the toys are *thiers* I have no right to throw them out just because I want them out. If it is literally trash I will throw it out despite the tears but if I allowed them to recieve the toys - either by approving the gifts others gave them or purchasing them myself then the toys are thiers. :shrug



First of all, where are the toys? That's important to discuss, and we can go further with that thought when you reply. :)
It is just the stuffed toys Not counting the baby's, I have issue with I have one toy box (Shown above) that is overflowing. IT is in the closet of the room we all sleep in (AKA master bedroom).
The kids all sleep in the master with us and their dressers are in our room too. What used to be their room still holds their other toys which they can access during the day, but they have been majorly thinned out because the room now belongs to our roomate and his son. We are trying to find a larger place where the kids would have a room again. But even then all 4 would share one room.


In addition I have a box of stuffed toys in the garage that are "resting" because they do not fit. (Their pooh/piglet stuffed collection in a box and will go on a high shelf when they have their own room again - that is not an issue in this discussion because they are pretty much decor)


Second, you need to institute a "one in, one out" rule right away. That won't decrease what you already have, but it will stop them from multiplying! Numerous times, our DDs have left something in the store b/c they realized it wasn't worth getting rid of something they already had/loved. They've also said it was worth it, and when the toy comes home it stays with me until they trade it out for something to get rid of. (Then I either decide to donate, sell, or trash it.)
We have a one in TWO out rule; and in addition we do a major declutter (At least a laundry basket each is required) before and after birthdays and Christmas.

Third, there is a huge part of giving children their own space and allowing them their own decision-making process that is really vital IMO to helping a child grow into maturity. When you have a 3 or 4 yo, it's much easier to declutter toys that are too young for them or broken or whatever (without their help). They are simply not very capable of making those choices, especially on a weekly basis. When you have a 9 yo, it's much more important to involve them in the process. You are so right that they will feel violated and angry if you step in and make decisions about what "should" be important to them (by getting rid of stuff you think isn't important).

Looking at your DC's ages, you should be (IMO) starting that transition. :)

Let me know if these thoughts help at all and where the toys are currently. Then we can go from there!
Yeah this is my maojr issue. How to get them to value having just the bare necessities. And how to help them let go even if it hurts a bit. And I try so HARD to not let any plush toys in (Save the phoo/piglet/eeyore collection) and yet it still happens. The problem is these new ones are unique and are from my parents' trips to exotic places and are very special to the kids. In fact even *I* have trouble letting those kind go.

[canadiyank]

It sounds like at this point you've decluttered to the point they really do want those, and if you need them gone, it's going to be painful for them. I don't know how you could make it not painful...I remember being very attached to my stuffed animals...at the same time, I understand the growing resentment about the plush toy landfill in our home. :/

:hug

[Heather Micaela]

It sounds like at this point you've decluttered to the point they really do want those, and if you need them gone, it's going to be painful for them. I don't know how you could make it not painful...I remember being very attached to my stuffed animals...at the same time, I understand the growing resentment about the plush toy landfill in our home. :/

:hug

well (Joy of joys :rolleyes) they got a build a bear gift certificate for Christmas - so I did mangage a teeny-tiny purge. They each had to get rid of 2 small or on lagre animal. At least the build a bear wont add to the clutter.

It think we are just going to have a rotating "resting" box. The problem is that our garage is so full already of stuff we took out to make room for the roomate that there is almost no room.

We really need to move.

[Dana Joy]

Are they motivated by money yet? We did a great purge with a garage sale where the kiddos got to keep the money they earned.

[Heather Micaela]

Are they motivated by money yet? We did a great purge with a garage sale where the kiddos got to keep the money they earned.

Yeah that works, but the promlem is we dont have enough left for a good sale - just bits here and there

[CakeLady]

We are actually working on this too (this morning in fact). I had dd sit down with me and look at each animal and decide if it would like a new home with someone who will love it. DD is 3.5 and actually got rid of 3/4 of her stuffed animals.

[Dana Joy]

Another idea- tell the in x number of days the new house rule is 4 animals per person. Let them think long and hard about it - remind them every day until it happens. May not be pretty, but if put in the parameters of a house rule maybe it will be more palatable.

[Heather Micaela]

Another idea- tell the in x number of days the new house rule is 4 animals per person. Let them think long and hard about it - remind them every day until it happens. May not be pretty, but if put in the parameters of a house rule maybe it will be more palatable.

Hmm I like that idea. :) I will try to make it just slightly lower than what they have now. (Honestly if I had 10 total animals gone they would fit in the box and I'd live with it.)
We are doing the build-a-bear tonight so after that I will do a count of total animals and come up with a number.

How many days would you give them to count down?

[tryin-to-FROG]

What works for us is to box/bag up ones that you don't see getting played with and keep them for x length of time 1 month 6 months.. if they ask for one in particular then you can kind of in secret get it out- so they don't know where the stash is. then what ever is left is secretly donated- I disagree about the throwing out part- if they are in good condition and nice stuffed animals you can donate them to your local hospital or pregnancy center.

[klpmommy]

most hospitals won't take used stuffed animals, at least not around here. But you can usually donate them to a fire or police station.

[tryin-to-FROG]

that makes sense- I do volunteer at a pregnancy center and we can always use nice small ones to give out to new moms:) :heart

[illinoismommy]

oh I have a similar question in a thread, sort of, how to rotate the toys now that he has them counted and doesnt want to trade the ones he has because he has them setup in a housewide village :doh so I kind of understand

[Heather Micaela]

:yes2 btdt janet

[Ali]

I was the kid with all the stuffed animals. I remember doing an "inventory" one time and I believe it was around 230. My mom had me keep them in a big box in my closet (not much room for anything else) and then there were tons in the bed with me. But we had the space. I'm not sure what my mom would have done if we didn't. Anyway, not that this is remotely helpful, but because of that I can't get myself to purge any of DS's stuffed animals. With the other toys, I do the putting them up for a period of time (DS has a memory like an elephant, so I put them up for a good 3+ months) and then get rid of what ever he has not been looking for after that time.

BTW, I FINALLY went through and purged about 75% of MY stuffed animals. My parents unceremoniously dumped them at my house along with a box of My Little Ponies as soon as we moved back to the States. Can you believe they kept them for me for 7 years after I moved out? I would have died if they got rid of them. I carted them around for one move and decided it was time to let go. It was really hard!

[Heather Micaela]

Lisa - I was that girl with 200 stuffed animals too :yes
I still could name them all for you. They really had personalities in my eyes.


That is why I can empahtize with the kids. If we had the space I wouldn't care at all. (Though I probably would not let more in)

[Marsha]

I guess it helped me because Ainslee is atttached to everything. As I said, pieces of string,t ags, stickers from the grocery store.........it's ridiculous. It was a liberating day when I realized I did not have to allow it to overtake my home or her room, and that I was still the adult.

She's functioned just fine with fewer stuffed animals, and less trash. I still catch her sneaking trash into her room and I boughtr her a stuffed animal for christmas because I knew she wouldn't enjoy christmas without it, I"m not an ogre or anything.

But I guess I think we as parents have rights too.

[expatmom]

I think it is really important to teach our kids how to live well in our own space. Part of that is learning that objects are really just objects & we don't have to keep everything just because at one time it meant something to us.

I wish my parents had taught us more about how to part with our belongings so that our living space didn't become cluttered. My parents kept things out of a misplaced sense of honor or stewardship. It wasn't until I hit adulthood & had way to much junk that I realized that there was an art to letting go of 'stuff'. I had that big box of stuffed animals that I finally went thru after dd1 was born & realized that my memories could be cherished or represented in just a few of them & I didn't need to have all of them to relive the memory of childhood.

I hope that my dh & I are doing a better job of teaching our kids about their relationship with their belongings and their personal living space. Sometimes it is too hard for them to make the actual choice so I do the weaning out for them. Other times, we work together towards a goal (eg. today lets choose 5 stuffed animals to give away).

As a kid, I wouldn't have been happy to get rid of my stuffed animals. At the same time, I think it set me up for some issues with clutter and order in adulthood that I wish had been more engrained when I was a child.

[Heather Micaela]

I guess it helped me because Ainslee is atttached to everything. As I said, pieces of string,t ags, stickers from the grocery store.........it's ridiculous. It was a liberating day when I realized I did not have to allow it to overtake my home or her room, and that I was still the adult.

She's functioned just fine with fewer stuffed animals, and less trash. I still catch her sneaking trash into her room and I boughtr her a stuffed animal for christmas because I knew she wouldn't enjoy christmas without it, I"m not an ogre or anything.

But I guess I think we as parents have rights too.


:hug2
I didnt call you an ogre or think anything of the sort.

I agree we have rights, but if I allowed a toy in in the first place IMO that is where I have the right to say yes or no. After that the toy is theirs and I would work together to keep things in the home decluttered.

[Marsha]

oh I didn't think you were calling me an ogre. I write conversationally, meaning i interject into my own sentences all the time.

I'm content with my decisions.

[canadiyank]

Oh, I just remembered something a friend of mine did with her dd who is a "hoarder." She would decide whatever rule (x am't of animals) and then they'd take a picture of the rest of them. Seemed to work for her dd. :)