Witching Hour/Dinner Time/Grumpy DH/Cranky Kids Help

[Marsha]

I need some help with 4:30 to 6:30 timeframe.

I try to feed the kids early, especailly if I , as usual, have dinner prepared by 5 and/or if they are eating something different from us. Ainslee won't usually eat casseroles or "mixed food" or spicy foods, so I feed her something else.

Ainslee (5) is usually tired by then and probably needs to eat. I probably allow her to watch TV too long, ie., right up to dinnertime instead of turning off at 4:30 after Cyberchase, I guess.

But we have the rule that if she isn't eating with us, or sitting at the table properly chatting with us, then she has to leave us alone in the living room, which is the larger part of the 'L' of our living space. Failing that, she must go to her room. I leave her plate of food on the table until she goes to bed in case she will deign to eat. Many nights she refuses, but her bedtime is 7 pm and then she wails that she is starving but she only wants carbs: crackers, pretzels, something like that. I worry that she is hungry and that is what is causing her to wak eup at 5 or so am (and incidentally eat crackers or pretzels) and then start the whole cycle of being too tired over again, until I enforce a nap after 4-5 days.

My other thing is that dh comes home tired and hungry. I would give him an hour to wind down (his mood is SO MUCH better if we are gone when he comes home and we come home an hour later, but that isn't feasible unless we want to eat at McDonald's every night and we can't afford that anyway) but he is hungry because he doesn't really eat much during the day. He doesn't care about food either, just shovels in whatever is there quietly...food is fuel, I guess.

The kids are very cranky, wound up and in Ainslee's case "weird" by this point of the day, which stresses me out because he gets angry at them, and I try to run interference and try to finish dinner prep, make sure the kids are eating/finish eating, have something constructive and quiet to do if they are done eating (this never seems to work by the way), and try to chit-chat with hubby to reconnect just a tiny bit and act like people, and also eat an enjoyable meal without feeling like I can't swallow due to hiatus closing up due to stress, or not eating enough so I end up snacking after the kids are asleep.....yuck!

Dh escapes to the computer after he eats, and I usually want to clean up the kitchen and load the dishwasher before I leave the room. I can't always, sometimes I just "need" to spend that time reading to Ainslee or something to keep her anchored and not annoying her dad (or me), and then between 6:30 and 7, I start the pajamas, teeth brushing, etc for her to put her to bed. She gets very babyish and wants to be carried,e tc. which I haven't been doing just because I don't feel like it, and then she cries, etc. and every night is kind of stressful, but at least we're moving towards bed so I can handle it.

So this whole time frame is just a nightmare to me. I have figured out for the most part how to deal with her mood swings, energy level swings and so on during the day and make it work for what needs to get done, but I'm just juggling too many balls in the evening!

I am open to any and all suggestions, almost including a "family life coach" to spend a few evenings with me and help me figure this out!

[The Tickle Momster]

Can you have something available to snack on while you make dinner? A fruit or veggie with dip, cheese and crackers, hummus and pita? I don't leave out a ton, just enough to take the edge off while they wait.

Maybe put dinner in the crock pot a couple of times a week so you can be out while dh rebalances.

Does dh help with bedtime?

It sounds like Ainslee is maybe overtired. Can you move her bedtime back to 6:30?

Another idea while you are fixing dinner, can A help you with any part of it? My ds LOVES to help in the kitchen. You could bring R's high chair in and give her some playdoh or other like activity. Ainslee could even help R during this time. We sing a playdoh song -- This is the way we pound the dough, pound the dough, pound the dough. etc. pince, roll, squeeze, etc.

Do you do dairy? Could she have half a glass of warm milk at bedtime?

These are just some ideas off the top of my head.

These are just some ideas

[Marsha]

I am usually feeding them while I cook dinner. If they snack, they don't eat, so I just call it "dinner" if you knwo what I mean. It might be leftovers or chicken nuggets and whatever vegetable i"m having for dinner, or some part of dinner or whatever.

I do cook in crockpot, just have been too selfish to be gone while he comes home, etc. I don't necessarily want to be out and about with tired, cranky kids either. So I'
ll think about that one.

Ainslee goes to bed at 6:30 sometimes. Ideally, she'd go to bed at 5 pm LOL but we have a problem with her getting up around 5:30 am anyway going to bed at 6:30-7. Ainslee is the biggest part of our problem btw. She is just this loose cannon at that time, and just when I want to sit down, and dh cannot handle it, so there is no one to "help" her right then, plus I'm possibly too focused on this "sit down and eat dinner together" thing.

Frankly, don't want Ainslee in the kitchen right then, and I cook quickly and that's not my problem: my problem is "dh come home, trying to get kids finished, us eat, me not feel left out, dh not feel angry" stuff.

She is horribly worse on any amount of dairy, so we don't do dairy at all. FTR I do not have a problem with her going to bed, she goes quickly, she just cries and sometimes fights about brushing teeth and stuff, I would assume fairly typical 5 year old behavior.

Less carbs, more protein MIGHT keep that 5-5:30 pm crash from happening, I have to FIGHT to get protein in her anyway. I forego vegetables for protein even.

[Ned]

I was having trouble with DH coming home and getting agro with the kids too. They were like loose canons. Anyway, I used to have this thing about eating together but our councellor said leave it alone for a while - do it when the kids are a bit older (mine are 4 and 6) so now the girls and I have our dinner at about 5:30 and he has his when he gets in - gives him some alone/chill out time and he seem to like it better this way.

I also found that switching our routine helped - it sort of shook them up a bit. I let them have a bath AFTER dinner instead of before, then they are kept busy but its also helping them wind down to get into 'bedtime' mode. I also put a box of library books handy and tell them its reading quiet time - this seems to work for 10 mins or so.

I think I had to just keep trying different routines/ideas until I found what worked for us.

[Ned]

Oh..yeah, my 4 year old was doing the the whimpy/crying , want to be carried, baby thing. I just used to pick her up, deal with it as fast as possible - almost ignoring it. She always wanted a drink of water, itchy cream on her back - silly things that weren;t really necassary but were part of her little nightly ritual to get extra attention. I would get all that till she had nothing else to demand and then read the bedtime story and lights out ( I would lie with them for 5 mins telling them I'd be in soon).

[Marsha]

Well, thanks for reminding me to come back and update.

First of all, two evenings a week I take both kids and we go somewhere. Wednesday night Ainslee has choir and I put Riley in childcare and I sit in the library, and pray in the prayer room. I could take a "class" or Bible study, but I prefer the time alone. Now, it does still bug me that dh needs his "time off" I mean, why can't he take the kids and I'll stay home, but I do have to play the hand I'm dealt, right?
So that helps his "agro" a bit to know he'll have some time alone. Truthfully he spends little to no time with the kids, especially Ainslee, but that's another thread.

And I let go of the whole sacred dinner hour. If Ainslee wants her tub time, so be it. Computer,....so be it. Generally, she'll join us toward the end of the meal and sit and eat a bit. But any amount of time is better since the quality of time is well.............not yelling and TO ing her. Dh slips out to the computer room immediately after and then I can usually clean up and play a game or read to the girls or something. I've even been letting Ainslee stay up a little bit later, since the evening is calmer. And that's working out pretty good, too.............though the night I let her stay up until 10 to watch AMerican I dol has resulted in several early nights to catch up.

I still feel bad. I feel like the family should gather around the table and enjoy each other. And if I'm honest, it's dh as much as Ainslee that prevents that. Since I can't change him, as in so many other areas of our life, I try to work around it, much as water flows around a boulder. This solution at least is providing us some breathing space.

[MarynMunchkins]

:hug We have family dinners almost every night - except dh never eats with us. :banghead It's me sitting with 4 kids eating a hot meal while dh naps on the couch.

It drives me nuts, but I'm tired of fighting it. :shrug I assume we'll all eat dinner together at some point - hopefully before my kids are all grown. And until then, I'll do what works.

It does work well for me if I feed my kids a big snack as soon as they get home from school (4:30ish) and do dinner closer to 6. As soon as dinner is over, they go to bed. I like it better because I don't have to listen to the "I'm starving!!" whine when it's bedtime. ;)

[Allison]

I've told ya before--since giving up that dream of the family gathered around the table for dinner, bonding and "staying together" our family has actually started bonding more. Our witching hour has disappeared altogether and our evenings are really nice. I never dread evenings anymore.

I'm glad it's going better for you guys now!

[Marsha]

I've told ya before--since giving up that dream of the family gathered around the table for dinner, bonding and "staying together" our family has actually started bonding more. Our witching hour has disappeared altogether and our evenings are really nice. I never dread evenings anymore.

I'm glad it's going better for you guys now!




Yep............we lead parallel lives girl.

[thomer]

Hmmm :think I was just about to start a thread similar to this. We had just started putting libarary books at the table to get DS to stay there with us, but I think we might just not emforce it at all anymore and see what happens.

Now trying to get DH to relax about this, that's another story.

[Marsha]

Hmmm :think I was just about to start a thread similar to this. We had just started putting libarary books at the table to get DS to stay there with us, but I think we might just not emforce it at all anymore and see what happens.

Now trying to get DH to relax about this, that's another story.


oh trust me, dh is way more relaxed. In fact, if we all stayed in the lr and let him eat by himself, he'd probably be happiest. He does his best to retreat into his "cone of silence" anyway LOL.

[LittleLams]

My boys are 4 and 7, so it is a little easier for us. I make the boys come to the table with me. Hubby will usually get there, only after he has found his program on TV, which I vote for turning off the TV completely during dinner, but we haven't got there yet. Most of the time, 4 y.o. finishes first, but I request he stay at the table with us until we are finished. We tell daddy about our day and our plans for the next day, etc. If after about 5 minutes we are not finished yet, I go ahead and let him up, that's a long time to wait. Fortunately for me, hubby reads to boys every night. He usually forgets to make them pee and brush their teeth, so I have to intervene some, but the boys usually fall asleep in our bed with daddy. That leaves me to sleep on the couch, which gives me more sleep since dh snores a lot right now with lots of sinus congestion.

[Marsha]

My boys are 4 and 7, so it is a little easier for us. I make the boys come to the table with me. Hubby will usually get there, only after he has found his program on TV, which I vote for turning off the TV completely during dinner, but we haven't got there yet. Most of the time, 4 y.o. finishes first, but I request he stay at the table with us until we are finished. We tell daddy about our day and our plans for the next day, etc. If after about 5 minutes we are not finished yet, I go ahead and let him up, that's a long time to wait. Fortunately for me, hubby reads to boys every night. He usually forgets to make them pee and brush their teeth, so I have to intervene some, but the boys usually fall asleep in our bed with daddy. That leaves me to sleep on the couch, which gives me more sleep since dh snores a lot right now with lots of sinus congestion.


That would be my dream, but the reality is that Ainslee isn't capable of that type of behavior at that time of day. And dh is no help, because he doesn't try to engage or at least he gives up after a try or two, though maybe that is the healthier thing, I dont' know.
We are just enjoying each other a bit more right now. But dh and I are the only ones sitting at the table, and usually Ainslee is in another room on the computer or in the bath during that time, and occasionally Riley might join us at the table or something.