Becoming a homemaker?

[phathui5]

For those of you that you consider yourselves homemakers, tell me what you do. When I'm in a home that's comfortable, uncluttered, homey... I want mine to be that way.

I want happy, kind, curious homeschooled children. I want our family eating healthy meals together. I want a house that's clean and comfortable. I want it decorated but not looking overdone.

What I've come up with so far is staying off the computer during "work hours", 9-5 (which is why I'm posting this at 8pm).

What do you do to be a good homemaker?

[Heather Micaela]

:shifty homemaker?


Well for the clutter just pick a room a day and give a goal of, say, 10 to toss (trash) 10 to donate, 10 to put away. It doesn't take long and it helps a lot in the long run.

[tempus vernum]

Hmmm.. .well, I think it starts with determining what your goals are for your home and family.

As far as the happy, kind, curious homeschooling children, I don't know that has much to do with how well we keep our homes. :scratch I also don't think happy is something that is possible to instill in your children. Contentedness is something we work towards but happy is an emotion not a state of being. .. and I don't think anyone is happy all the time- even Pollyanna must have had her downs. That said, I do think that order makes stress lower but I definitely don't think it's necessary for contentedness. How do I know? I have been on both sides of the coin. I struggled for years to keep our home tidy. My kids were content, happy a lot and very kind. Now, things are under control in our home in the area of tidiness but other things keep it exciting and we have plenty of meltdowns still. Overall, they are "happy" but not all the time. And kindness and curiousness I don't see how that is linked to our homes either. :scratch


As far as how to keep a nice organized tidy home, it's a 24/7 thing. It's a process and not something you arrive at. Our house can go from nice organized and tidy to whirlwind in less than an hour :shrug. BUT underlying everything has a home. That I think is a HUGE part of it. LIke Heather said, declutter until EVERYTHING has a home. Be brutal. I think another HUGE part of it is coming up with minimums and doing them 90% of the time. Try to be realistic and honest - does this REALLY need to be done every day?

For my family, that means
*hot spots done daily
*main living area floors tidied up two times (after quiet time and before bed)
*dishes done, counters, table and stove wiped down after each meal
*bathroom wiped down daily
*beds made and floors tidied upstairs in a.m.
*checking status of laundry
*nighttime reset (check calendar, what is for meals tomorrow), dishes, floors, hot spots cleared

It also means kids are doing their chores DAILY 90% of the time
*beds, room clean
*dishwasher emptied
*floor pick up
*dishes cleared from table after each meal
*laundry put away (including if they wore it and its still clean)
*weekly chores (garbage out, bed changed, fold socks)

The healthy meals thing is a priority issue. I think it takes a lot of time and many times makes a BIG mess to cook healthy meals without breaking a budget. Just my opinion. And as far as eating together, get your dh on board and make it a habit. We thankfully have never not had it as a habit. In fact, last week, we let the kids stay outside in the snow through dinner and they were shocked that we ate without them. Probably one of the first times they can recall us not sitting down as a family for dinner. I don't really have any advice on HOW to make it a habit but if its a habit they won't think anything of doing it - it's just what's done.

No decorating advice. I am a minimalist. My decorating consists of a few crosses and pictures of my family. That's it.

:hugheart I hope you find what you are looking for :hugheart

[KatieMae]

I want happy, kind, curious homeschooled children. I want our family eating healthy meals together. I want a house that's clean and comfortable. I want it decorated but not looking overdone.


I think that's a really good summary of how I feel about homemaking too. So, what do I do to achieve those things... Well, I read about all those topics - a home decor magazine here & there to get ideas, books about nutrition & finances, and message boards to see what others are doing & to get inspired about it when I'm being lazy (I'm doing the housekeeping challenges on this board, for example. I need a jumpstart to get out of my post-partum laziness!)

I also try to evaluate how we're doing every once in a while - journaling helps me to step back from our daily situations & see the bigger picture so I can be more aware of what things I need to change. I sometimes have to remind myself that I'm the one in charge around here so it's up to me to actually be 'in control' of our daily lives & to see that everything is done. But I don't meant to say that I'm doing this alone - DH is of course involved to the fullest extent, but he works 70+ hours/week right now, so we talk a lot during the day & we decide together how we want to be living... but it's mostly on me to actually DO what we decide. We're definitely in this together & I think that's key too - that everyone's opinion is valued, but the parents make the final decision. Right now our kids don't tell me, "I want to play more!" but I can use my super-mama skills of observation to know that when they have more outdoor time, they're happier kids! So that's how I count their 'vote' right now.

From a daily-living point of view, I try to build our day around experiences that increase the happy-factor in the children; time to read & rest, lots of time to play outside as well as in the house (building physical strength as well as encouraging their imaginations), and learning to do things like clean up & say their prayers. My children are still little (oldest just turned 4) but I try to mirror what a homeschool day would look like, but toned down to an age-appropriate version for them. I wrote a long post about this particular subject on my blog last week if you want to read about it (or not :giggle just wanted to throw that out there!)

That's probably enough from me, but I also have one quote from I-dunno-where on TV that always sticks in my head. A man - probably in his 60's - was talking about why he loved that his wife stayed home with their children while he worked hard for so many years at his job, he said, "I made the living & she made the living worthwhile." I think that's a very sweet sentiment & if my husband thought the same thing about me I'd be very pleased to know that my efforts created a happy life for me & my family.

[mama-hobbit]

For me it means that I can do a quick pick-up and have company... now, this doesn't happen every week - but we're working on it! ;)

I try and have dishes done, clean laundry for everyone, decent meals (most nights), and to get schoolwork done. I love to decorate and craft things for our house... so I've made most of our curtains, recovered much of the furniture, made wall hangings, wreaths, and done all the painting/minor fix-ups of the place. I'm pretty fussy about how things look when they look nice... so I pretty much get final say around here about style. :giggle

All that said, some weeks the place is a wreck, we eat horrible meals, the laundry may be clean but unfolded, and craft supplies may have overtaken the kitchen. Often I'll forgo cleaning for play time with the kids and then stay up late to get things back to "decent" for the next day.

I try and make HAPPY the priority... it's always clean, but sometimes its very crafty/untidy. DH says I'm the "cleanest messy" he's ever known!

[tempus vernum]

While I was doing some chores, I realized why I am not *getting* this part
I want happy, kind, curious homeschooled children.

WARNING SOAP BOX AHEAD ;)
:soapbox
I passionately believe that we do what we can yet it's up to OUR CHILDREN the people they are and become. Maybe not right from birth really and truly, we teach them to CONTROL themselves and be in charge of their emotions. I AM NOT responsible for my husband and children's happiness :no nor do I want to be. I think it's a nice warm fuzzy and certainly want my children to "rise up and call me blessed" in my old age but I think it started off confusing me because I just don't think it's possible for mom to do everything right and viola. .. . happy, kind, curious children :shrug

I think it's a burden put on us by society and by church tradition that a homemaker has control over her children's behavior. And I fall into this trap. When my dh is sad or angry or upset about something I think "what did I do (or not do)?" When my children meltdown, my first reaction is to "fix things". But if I did I would be denying them the opportunity to get THEMSELVES under control. I can show them, teach them, help them by providing a safe, healthy way to vent their feelings but I can't make them happy.

Now, I certainly believe that you do have some control over your children and how they turn out but really and truly the things you mentioned they will decide for themselves if they will do those things :shrug It's my strong philosophy that you can "lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" This applies to Christianity -- you can't "hand" it down to your children. ANd IMO it applies to parenting. You do what is right and good and honorable and parent how you believe but parenting is NOT an equation. A + B does not always equal C (i.e. kind and firm does not equal happy children). Kind and firm MAY equal well adjusted adults who know how to express their emotions in a healthy way, adults with good boundaries. But when it comes down to it, I just don't believe I am responsible for making my children happy.

Happy is NOT the only accepable emotion in my home and I don't want it to be that way. Sad, angry and frustrated are completely fine with me if they are expressed in a healthy way. I feel sad when one of my chlidren is sad - it's not fun but it is OKAY.

I don't mean to take the thread off track :blush this is a big huge hot button for me because I grew up in a home where Happy was the only acceptable emotion.

And please know I am not saying "how can you want THAT" but simply offering my perspective on why I don't think this is attached to the "calling" we have as homemakers :) The passion you hear is the little girl inside of me who has pushed away from that and SO does not want it for my children :hugheart

[phathui5]

Sonshine,

Thank you for your perspective on the kids part. I'm ok with the kids not being happy all the time. I was just trying to communicate those things as part of my overall goals for our home.

[mama-hobbit]

I just wanted to note that when I said happy was a priority for me, I mean that our families happiness is more important then a stylish and tidy house every day. ;) I don't feel responsible for making everyone happy, but I do know that if I'm in uber-cleaning-stylish-perfect-stepford-housewife mode no one is happy.

[KatieMae]

Sonshine,
Thank you for your perspective on the kids part. I'm ok with the kids not being happy all the time. I was just trying to communicate those things as part of my overall goals for our home.


Right, I mean "happy" in an overall kind of way. I would say I'm happy with my life - I'm grumpy or tired or angry sometimes, but I'm still pleased with my place in the world. I certainly expect the children to be unhappy at times too. They have to learn to deal with those feelings & situations.

[Katydid]

:popcorn

[COTK]

I've been really thinking a lot about this topic as well. The person I look up to in RE: to homemaking is a woman called Laine. She has a website where she has posted tons of letters to her email list about this subject. She's such a sweet, caring woman, and she is passionate about being the keeper of the home. Spend some time there and you'll walk away feeling inspired and motivated.

www.lainesletters.com

She's my hero!! :rockon :rockon

[bethy]

I have recently discovered Laine's letters and have felt quite inspired by the ones I have read I keep thinking that by the time I get this full time homekeeping thing figured out the kids will be grown and I'll be ready to go back to working outside the home. Then the process of finding balance will start all over again.

[Granola_mom]

I think what you want is the vision of ALL crunchy families. When outsiders look in my life, that is what they say they see......but if you see us here day in day out..........My house is consistantly messy.....my children would much rather play video games, and I'm kinda grumpy.
My Dh is always reminding me,(when I'm hounding him about home projects) it's NOT about the house being clean.......really. What it's all about is attitude and the joy of togetherness.... I don't know I thought I'd add my two cents about it..... I don't have much else to say at this time..

I have 4 kiddos in my house right now, all wound up because it's been raining for like two weeks and today is the first real sunny day.

I better go. I've got cleaning to do.

[HummusDip]

As far as internet time, I hop on in the mornings for a few minutes until my dd asks for something to eat. First time she asks, I'm off. Once I get her something to eat, I usually pop back on, and the first time she comes to me, wanting my attention somewhere else, I get off. I'm usually not back on unless she's taking a bath with dad or she's napping. I try to limit my time online by doing lots of little hop on's and when the fam needs me, I get off. Nighttime is when I really sit down and post.

Cleaning, I've found that these challenges really help me keep up on things. I also throw laundry in the washer anytime the basket is full, as I walk by it. I try to put my dishes in the dishwasher and run it each night, if I haven't done so during the day. I try to pick up the house whenever my dd is sleeping. Keeping it picked up daily makes it so much easier because I never really feel like I have to "clean".

As far as having happy homeschooled children, I try to include my dd in all that I do. Cleaning, Cooking, Arts and Crafts, etc. That keeps her happy, having fun, learning and it's fun for me too.

Anyway I hope you some answers to what you're looking for! :heart

[CelticJourney]

I have been homeschooling for almost 10 years now and one of the important things I have learned is that I can be a good mom and teacher and a mediocre housewife or vice versa. I choose the kids over the house.

That being said, I find including the kids in the housework is key at this point. It also helps if I give a time frame - maybe "I need everyone for a 20 min cleanup" and give everyone directions and followup directions when those get done until the 20 min is finished. You would be amazed what can get done in 20 min when they know there is an end in sight.

[Myrtle]

:shifty want to glean from this thread when I can get a second to read it all...

[mummy2boys]

You would be amazed what can get done in 20 min when they know there is an end in sight.

:yes

[cobluegirl]

The reality of a perfect happy homemaker with perfect kids is a dilusion and we will drive ourselves to depression if that is the high standard we chose to live by.

[KatieMae]

The reality of a perfect happy homemaker with perfect kids is a dilusion and we will drive ourselves to depression if that is the high standard we chose to live by.


I dunno, if I said I wanted to start & grow a successful small business, no one would tell me I can't do it. I would have to learn about my market, continually hone my skills or product & set goals to achieve that success. So if I say I want to be successful at running my home, I do the same things. Setting goals, learning from others (like on this board) as well as learning from my own mistakes or successes in my own home. Besides, I'm never in a million years going to enjoy cleaning our bathrooms. But I'm going to persevere thru it anyway because it's my job. I'd rather show my children how to sew or play hopscotch - and lucky for me, that's my job too!

You're certainly right about "perfect kids" being a bad goal. None of us is perfect anyway, so how can we possibly expect that of our children right?! But I don't think that's what the OP is saying. I want my children to be good, honest people so I'm going to do my best to help them learn that. I can't do it for them; they have to choose that path, but I can help them to see the joy in doing Right & the error in doing Wrong, mostly through being a good example. I'll do what I can do & leave the rest up God to work in their own consciences. :shrug

[mybodymyself]

phathui5,

:hugheart and :shrug on this issue.

:ty

[cobluegirl]

I am not saying you can't achieve to be better at what you are doing. That is great, however I find that we as moms tend to set the standards too high and thus we crash into depression because our goals are too high set. Moderation is great.

[tempus vernum]

I am not saying you can't achieve to be better at what you are doing. That is great, however I find that we as moms tend to set the standards too high and thus we crash into depression because our goals are too high set. Moderation is great.


:yes2 Thanks Rachel for your input. I agree fully. :yes2