dropping your dc off at school--sort of an update #7

[Beauty4Ashes]

For the first two weeks of school, I will drive my son and take him to his classroom with the teacher. My dilemma is how long to stay behind. Yesterday I stayed behind for about the first half an hour. I talked to his teacher and made sure that Bashar seemed okay before I left with Danny. Today I stayed for about 15 minutes. It seemed like Bashar was fine, he was on the floor playing trains with another boy. I spoke to the teacher and verified a couple of things. Bashar needed to go potty, so the teacher started to take him, when he said to me "let's go mommy". What could I do? We came back all together from the bathroom, and I said to him, okay, sweetie, Danny and I'll come pick you up at 2:30, just like I yesterday. I hugged him and kissed him, and when he was playing again, I told Danny that it was time to go to the car and that he could open the door for me. As I was walking down the hallway to leave the pre-school, I could hear a child crying, I think it was Bashar. I *know* that it is normal for him to want me; he's not used to being away from me and his brother for so long. But I am not sure what to do. I did not try to sneak out the door. I reassured him that I would be coming back for him. I made sure that he was comfortable at school. I don't think that I hung around for too long, but I didn't run away the moment that he was in the classroom either. I don't remember how my mom handled it when I started pre-K when I was 4. I don't remember her getting very emotional about it, but then again, I was only gone for 2.5-3 hours, not 6. How do you handle leaving your dc at school? I mean, the teacher isn't trying to get rid of me--I overheard another teacher telling a mother that leaving her dd for a few hours a couple of times a week was good for her and that sure, her dd would cry, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I didn't hear the entire conversation, so I couldn't judge, but it did feel like the teacher was sort of telling the mother to disregard her mothering instincts. Am I doing something wrong here? I mean, I *know* that it's normal for ds1 to miss me and to be upset, but am I doing something wrong in the way that I am handling taking him to his classroom?

[MarynMunchkins]

I think a lot of it, for me, depends on my comfort level with the teacher. If I know they are going to reflect feelings and then distract, and I know my child is comfortable in the room with person, I'm okay with some crying. I hang around for 20 minutes or so to make sure I'm near if they need me, and I carry my phone all day. :)

Still, it's hard to listen to them be upset...:hug

[Joanne]

If you are firm and decided about him attending this (or any) school, "drop and go".

Honestly, most kids do best if you confidently and directly take them to class, go through a quick "good bye for now" ritual and you leave.

Staying, lingering - even in the name of getting him comfortable - communicates to most kids that the parent is not secure in the decision. Some kids feel like they don't have permission to like it.

If you have decided he's going, you'll also have to accept he'll have emotion during the transition.

[loveberry]

I used to hang out outside and peer in at Alex. I don't remember him ever being very upset that I was going.

One time he didn't want to be there at all and threw a huge fit and upon mutual agreement with his teachers we both "cut class" all day and just hung at home and reconnected.

If you trust the teachers to know when enough upset is enough, I'd do a quick transition and go. If you don't trust that yet, do the transition and hang out where he can't see you but you can see orhear him. Verify that he's ok. He almost certainly is.

:hug

[Beauty4Ashes]

Yesterday I only stayed a few minutes before I told him good bye. I am told that he only cried maybe 5 minutes. He took the school bus today. Dh was planning on driving him to school, but the bus company called and said that they would be coming to pick him up. In the end, dh took him to the bus stop. TBH I am not 100% certain that having him at school 30 hours a week is the best thing for him, he DOES need the speech therapy, and maybe he does need to be around kids his own age more often--he seems to enjoy school and the little boys that I have seen in his classroom seem really sweet. I honestly didn't want to start him with school until he was 4-5 years old, but he really needs help to be able to articulate what he needs/wants. 30 hours just seems kind of excessive. Another mother told me that she wanted to get her 19 month old services (her older ds has sensory issues), even though her dd is all ready talking--she thinks that it's good for the kids to be at school for 6 hours a day and that I am worrying too much. IDK. :shrug

[Marsha]

I too think 30 hours/week si excessive, even for my 5 year old. I also wish there was a better alternative since I think my dd would benefit from "some" school.

But he will get used to the drop off, etc. Also there is a 5 day thing. Even when they are/were comfortable, they balk on the fifth day and it panics a parent. Just thought I'd let you know, because if frustrated me when dd did it, I thought she'd been doing so well, and we were backsliding, but that was kind of the end of the crying for her, and the director explained it to me that she sees it with almost EVERY kid who hasn't been in full time daycare.

[Beauty4Ashes]

My bf works at a school in CA and she said that the 30 hour a week for kinder students is excessive for the teachers, too and she doesn't get why the state changed it so that all the kinder programs are 6 hour. I just don't understand how one could leave a child so young for 30 hours a week just because (not referring to cases where the child needs special services or where both parents work--I have a friend whose son was in a day care setting 8 hours a day 3x a week "just because".) Sorry, I'm rambling...I'm thinking that with ds2 who doesn't have special needs, he is thriving just fine with my company, thankyouverymuch, so he'll probably not start until he's 4-5 because he seems to be learning a lot of vocabulary and school stuff with *just me*.

[Beauty4Ashes]

Sort of an update: dh ran into the pediatrician from the child hood developmental center today and was telling her about what happened when I would take ds1 to school and his experience taking ds1 to the bus stop, how ds1 would protest and cry loudly about being left with strangers. She said that this is a good sign because it means that he is not just passively going whereever, that he has a mind of his own, and that this is age appropriate behavior. So that is kind of a relief.