A wedding Invitiation

[ilikestrawberryjello]

We got a wedding invitation in the mail that said "Mr, and Mrs. Name Here" they didn't say family or include my daughter's name on the invite. I RSVPed for the wedding over the phone and left a message saying that'd we'd be there and we are bringing our daughter. Is that terrible of me? I thought at first that they just didn't think to add the "and family" part. Not that they left it off on purpose. I can't imagine these friends not wanting kids at their wedding. Do you think I was out of line? And if so, how do I ask if they did or did not want my daughter there, cause obviously if they don't want her there, I won't be going. :shrug

[Six Little Feet]

Well IMO they have already made it clear that your DD was not invited. If she was also invited it would of said her name or & family. Now you can wait and see what they say....

[freshwaterfish]

:think I am getting ready to put together invitations, and I want people to bring their family but honestly didn't think to add "and family"... I'll definitely be doing that! :tu

[cheri]

honestly, by etiquitte standards, only the people who are named on the invitation are invited. no kids names means the kids are not invited.

so yes, I think you were wrong to call and say that you're bringing your daughter because she wasn't invited.

[cindergretta]

Well IMO they have already made it clear that your DD was not invited. If she was also invited it would of said her name or & family. Now you can wait and see what they say....


:yes

[homesteadmama]

I'm in the same sitch. Just got an invite with only my name and DH's name. I RSVP-ed that we couldn't make it. Good luck! :heart

[schmamy]

honestly, by etiquitte standards, only the people who are named on the invitation are invited. no kids names means the kids are not invited.

so yes, I think you were wrong to call and say that you're bringing your daughter because she wasn't invited.




:yes

But I don't think it is appropriate to just "wait and see what they say." That puts the bride in an awkward spot when it was your mistake. If indeed kids aren't invited, she tried to make it as clear as she could without being rude, by following etiquette standards and not listing your DD on the invitation--so IMO it's your responsibility to address the error, not make her do it. I'd call/email and politely explain, "I'm sorry, I think I may have misunderstood the invitation when I RSVPed. I included DD, but later realized her name wasn't on the invitation. We're going to have to decline." And if, as you initially assumed, it really was just an oversight on their part and they do want your DD there, that gives her an opening to say, "oh, I'm sorry, we meant to include her! she is more than welcome to come along."

Please don't be pushy or rude about the fact that your DD wasn't invited. (I'm not saying you ARE or WOULD BE--just gently reminding/urging you not to be, if the temptation is there :hug2) Whether you like it or not, it is the bride and groom's prerogative to decide whether they would like to have kids present or have a more formal, adult celebration. :shrug

[cybelle1980]

But I don't think it is appropriate to just "wait and see what they say." That puts the bride in an awkward spot when it was your mistake. If indeed kids aren't invited, she tried to make it as clear as she could without being rude, by following etiquette standards and not listing your DD on the invitation--so IMO it's your responsibility to address the error, not make her do it. I'd call/email and politely explain, "I'm sorry, I think I may have misunderstood the invitation when I RSVPed. I included DD, but later realized her name wasn't on the invitation. We're going to have to decline." And if, as you initially assumed, it really was just an oversight on their part and they do want your DD there, that gives her an opening to say, "oh, I'm sorry, we meant to include her! she is more than welcome to come along."

Please don't be pushy or rude about the fact that your DD wasn't invited. (I'm not saying you ARE or WOULD BE--just gently reminding/urging you not to be, if the temptation is there :hug2) Whether you like it or not, it is the bride and groom's prerogative to decide whether they would like to have kids present or have a more formal, adult celebration. :shrug

ITA with the others, and I think this suggestion is a really good approach. As for the no kids thing, it could just be financial as well. Caterers sometimes have crazy rules about meal costs, so if there are lots of kids, it can add up.

[ilikestrawberryjello]

I guess I didn't even think that they wouldn't want kids there. We have all been such good friends...I think I will email back like schmamy suggested.

[Heather Micaela]

I'll be the dissenting voice.:shifty

At a year and a half, if she is still nursing, I would not worry about it so much. Just be prepared to leave the venue (like the foyer of the church or hallway of the reception) at the littlest disruption.

Even ettiquite says nursing babies are consiered part of the mother. It is not like they have to provide a plate for her.

[MidnightCafe]

The weddings that I have been to where children are not invited have said so specifically on the invitation (well, ok, I've only been to one like that ;) ). If you are concerned about it, I'd do what the previous poster suggested & give them a call.

[MidnightCafe]

Oh, and the no-kids wedding that we went to was Mango's cousin's wedding, and I would have NEVER thought they'd have a no-kids wedding. So, you never know.

[J3K]

I'm with Heather , if the child is nursing and under two years old , and you leave at the smallest noise (I'd even sit in the way back with the child ) then I'd bring the child.

[cheri]

I'm with Heather , if the child is nursing and under two years old , and you leave at the smallest noise (I'd even sit in the way back with the child ) then I'd bring the child.


See, I think this is wrong. So that's like saying that it's ok to bring your uninvited child, just because they're nursing? So a nursing 16 month old can come, but a 16 month old who has weaned cannot come? To me, no kids means no kids. Some people may make exceptions for nursing babies, and some may not.

[mamaKristin]

A couple I know got married about 2 years ago, and they insisted on no children period. That included nursing babies. :/ Needless to say, given that *6* couples in their circle of friends had babies under 6 months, there was a lot of controversy, as some of the couples with new babies were really upset that this couple were so adamant that no babies were included in the "no children" event. One couple brought their baby anyhow, another brought a babysitter to sit in the area outside the church and then the reception site with the baby, another didn't go at all. I don't know how the other 2 couples invited handled it, we lived too far away for us to attend. It was fully within their rights to say no nursing babies, but it wasn't terribly considerate of couples with infants.

They are now expecting their first baby, and will probably be rather humbled when they realize how silly it was of them to be so sticky about infants. :no

[mammal_mama]

I'm with Heather , if the child is nursing and under two years old , and you leave at the smallest noise (I'd even sit in the way back with the child ) then I'd bring the child.


See, I think this is wrong. So that's like saying that it's ok to bring your uninvited child, just because they're nursing? So a nursing 16 month old can come, but a 16 month old who has weaned cannot come? To me, no kids means no kids. Some people may make exceptions for nursing babies, and some may not.


I think the idea is that the nursling really needs to be with Momma to get nourishment, but the non-nursling doesn't. Also, I think people assume that a non-nursling has already been separated from Momma, which may or may not be the case. I agree that it's unfair to generalize: some mothers who bottle-feed are just as attached to their babies as they would be if they were able to breastfeed. And many toddlers have a hard time being separated from Momma, irregardless of whether they breastfeed.

But I don't think the previous posters were trying to over-generalize about the attachments of nursing versus non-nursing mothers and babies. I think that, like me, they were thinking of their own nurslings at this age, and of how they were so connected to each other and had never been separated yet.

Still, I don't understand people getting upset about the possibility of missing a wedding (as with the controversy in mamaKristin's church) -- but I guess I'm kind of weird. I've only been to one really fun wedding/reception where there was dancing and a party-like atmosphere (well, I remember some like that from my childhood years -- but the ones I've been to as an adult have been pretty churchified, except for the one really fun one). So, if someone said my kids weren't included, I'd be like, "Okay, best wishes to you guys!" and be happy to stay home and enjoy the weekend hanging out with my husband and kids.

Things are also pretty tight for us in the financial department, so it'd be one less gift to buy, you know. Maybe we could splurge and order ourselves a pizza or something, you know, to console ourselves from not getting to dress up and go sit in a pew.

[Katigre]

Ye, I would call back and apologize for assuming DD was invited and find out if she actually is or not.

People have all sorts of reasons for having no kids at their wedding - often it is financial and caterers will charge for anyone who is not an infant (and an 18 month old isn't an infant even though they're nursing IMO). Usually the 'babies ok' standard is for non-mobile babies (at least in my area).

There could be family tensions related to kids, room occupancy issues (if there are a lot of guests with kids, that would mean doubling the size of the venue and wedding and there might not be space), etc... It doesn't nec. mean the couple doesn't like kids or doesn't like families together, there can be legitimate logistical issues to deal with so I think the couple's views should be respected (doesn't mean you have to go if your DD isn't invited, it just means not to be judgemental of no-kid weddings or feel offended that adults but not kids were invited).

I hope it works out!