When is it CIO?

[BriansLovie]

How do you ladies characterize CIO? How long do they cry before it is considered CIO? I am confused by this... I hate hearing my son cry. Is it ok to let him cry for 10 minutes after I put him down for bed, to see if he'll go to sleep on his own or should I just not bother putting him down, and just rock him to sleep? If I just rock him to sleep, he will never learn to go to sleep on his own again. But I hate having him cry... My son starts whining before I even enter his bedroom to put him to bed, and starts crying when I lay him down. He stands right back up and rarely will go to sleep on his own (he had a few naps and nighttimes where he fell asleep in the past month and 1/2). Before he got sick, a month and a half ago, he would go right to sleep, no crying. I dont mind rocking him to sleep. My husband has reservations about it tho. He's worried he will never go to sleep on his own again. I am a little bit too. Shouldn't I keep trying to see if he will go to sleep on his own, even if he cries for 10 minutes? I'm at a loss.

[2sunshines]

I have never left my babies alone to cry for 10 minutes. I'm just not comfortable with it or the message that I believe that it teaches my baby (that they cannot trust me to take care of their needs).

I have two older children (4 and 6) who were always rocked/nursed to sleep as babies and they both go to sleep on their own just fine. :shrug

[hink4687]

If I just rock him to sleep, he will never learn to go to sleep on his own again.

I definitely think 10 mins of crying is CIO. I think one minute of real crying is too though. And your post sounds like your having an internal struggle over this. If you hear your mommy instincts going off...then you know its not right!!! When Coop was a baby there were some nights he'd coo and talk before he went to sleep but as soon as his noises changed from happy to distressed I was right there.

So no...I don't think you should keep trying this. I think you should listen to your instincts and rock your baby to sleep.

[Dana Joy]

I think anytime we leave a child to cry to "teach them a lesson" whether it be sleep or otherwise is cio- of course unintentional stuff happens all the time - like in the car- but deliberatly leaving a child to cry is cio imho

[BriansLovie]

Thanks ladies! It is so hard. I agree with you. Should I still try at night to lay him down, but if he cries, then just go get him? Or just start rocking him to sleep without trying to put him in his bed?

[2sunshines]

How old is your ds?

[Weezie]

I rock my babies to sleep. My post dissapeared, and that was what I had written. My oldest dd, 3 on Thursday, goes to sleep fine by herself, and she was rocked. She just asks us if she wants to be rocked ot if she wants to go to sleep in her bed. I can't tell you what to do, but try. If your son seems to be stressed by laying in the crib awake, or even by going into the bedroom, my vote is parent him to sleep- rocking, nursing, bouncing on a ball, walking, slinging, whatever it takes.

[hink4687]

I did a mixture of both. I would rock (or actually bounce...I used the yoga ball :P~) Coop until sleepy and then lay him down and sorta reach over the crib and cuddle him and pat his back until he was fully asleep. As he got older I did less patting/cuddling as he needed it less and less. This approach may make you and DH feel more comfortable since you are slowly weaning them from needing the rocking. But weaning from anything be it rocking or nursing should be an extremely gradual process and not something that will happen overnight. You may find he needs to be more fully rocked in the beginning though since he has been left to cry some. This can also leave bad memories in his mind about his crib so if you rock him until drowsy and then place him in his crib don't be surprised if he freaks out about this since he's used to the crib being an unhappy place without mommy. does that make sense? Just pick him back up and rock him more and reassure him that mommy is there. :) Even with the patting and cuddling if cooper ever started crying I picked him up and bounced a little longer. good luck!

[homesteadmama]

I agree with PP that anytime they are left to cry, it is CIO. I don't leave DD to cry for any amount of time, with the one exception being when she's in the carseat crying (which is pretty much my least favorite thing in the world!)

I nurse DD to sleep every night. Sometimes she's a little too squirmy to go down, even though I know she's exhausted, so in those situations, DH usually walks her down.

Good luck. :hug2

[2sunshines]

I still nurse my 13 month old to sleep.

At 18 months I usually lay with the child until they are asleep.

[BriansLovie]

How old is your ds?


He is 18 months and 1/2 months.

[Naked Camper]

at that age we would lay in bed with DS (he had a toddler bed) and stay with him until he fell asleep. We did start soon after to try to rock him for a bit, then move him to his bed and tell him good night and then stay in the room till he falls asleep. At 23 months, we are still doing it that way. Most nights he's asleep within 15 minutes - not long :wink

[BriansLovie]

I did a mixture of both. I would rock (or actually bounce...I used the yoga ball :P~) Coop until sleepy and then lay him down and sorta reach over the crib and cuddle him and pat his back until he was fully asleep. As he got older I did less patting/cuddling as he needed it less and less. This approach may make you and DH feel more comfortable since you are slowly weaning them from needing the rocking. But weaning from anything be it rocking or nursing should be an extremely gradual process and not something that will happen overnight. You may find he needs to be more fully rocked in the beginning though since he has been left to cry some. This can also leave bad memories in his mind about his crib so if you rock him until drowsy and then place him in his crib don't be surprised if he freaks out about this since he's used to the crib being an unhappy place without mommy. does that make sense? Just pick him back up and rock him more and reassure him that mommy is there. :) Even with the patting and cuddling if cooper ever started crying I picked him up and bounced a little longer. good luck!


I would love to try patting his back till he's asleep, but I've tried to put him down when I think he's out, and if he's the slightest bit awake, he will just stand up! He is a very stubborn little man :)
I think alot of it is... like you said... people think the child should just learn to go to sleep on their own. Perhaps for the convenience of the parents? It's hard when I need to rock Jacob to sleep... because I dont get to spend much time with my husband. And I guess it is partly selfishness on my part. I would like to have a bit of a break too, before I go to bed. But my son is worth it, and he wont be little for long, and if he needs to be close to us, then that's fine.
I thank you ladies for helping me. You made me feel that my motherly instinct is more important than what others say.

[BriansLovie]

at that age we would lay in bed with DS (he had a toddler bed) and stay with him until he fell asleep. We did start soon after to try to rock him for a bit, then move him to his bed and tell him good night and then stay in the room till he falls asleep. At 23 months, we are still doing it that way. Most nights he's asleep within 15 minutes - not long :wink


Oohhhh the toddler bed! I am so not looking forward to that :) It probably would make getting him to sleep easier in his room, but I am worried about the part where he can get out of bed and wander as he pleases :lol :dox

[hink4687]

You made me feel that my motherly instinct is more important than what others say.


:yes It definitely definitely definitely is!!! :hug I feel strongly that God gave it to us for a reason!

[Naked Camper]

at that age we would lay in bed with DS (he had a toddler bed) and stay with him until he fell asleep. We did start soon after to try to rock him for a bit, then move him to his bed and tell him good night and then stay in the room till he falls asleep. At 23 months, we are still doing it that way. Most nights he's asleep within 15 minutes - not long :wink


Oohhhh the toddler bed! I am so not looking forward to that :) It probably would make getting him to sleep easier in his room, but I am worried about the part where he can get out of bed and wander as he pleases :lol :dox

his toddler bed has three sides of the crib rail still there and we use a bed rail that lowers on the fourth side. We really haven't had a problem with him wandering, except for the sweet pitter-patters of his feet coming to our bed at 4am :giggle

[tazmom]

Oohhhh the toddler bed! I am so not looking forward to that :) It probably would make getting him to sleep easier in his room, but I am worried about the part where he can get out of bed and wander as he pleases :lol :dox


My dd was 2 when we put her in the toddler bed and she wandered almost every night. She was all over the house. I had to sleep on the floor in her room and we had to block all the doorways. If you try it for a couple days and find that he wanders, don't be afraid to put him back in the crib. We would have been much better off waiting until she was closer to 3 to switch her bed.

[3PeasInAPod]

I rocked ds until he was about 16 mo old. Then I started doing this: after I read him a book, gave him a sippy (i pumped-didn't nurse) , I laid him into his crib with his lovie (stuffed dog) & said "go nigh,night". At first he would get up & cry & want me to take him back out, but I simply laid him back down & patted his back. He cried a little at first - but started to accept this new arrangement. Sometimes I'd end up staying almost 30 min in his room until he fell asleep. Then about 2 months later , I could leave the room earlier & earlier, before he was fully asleep & he'd never cry. Now, for nap time, I simply do my routine & lay him in his bed & walk out..& he's goes to sleep peacefully.

Nightime is a different story & he falls asleep on a mattress against our bed. But I wanted to give you my experience in how we got to the naptime we have now. I was truly surprised he could fall asleep without me in the room - I never thought it was going to happen.
I think as long as you're in the room & comforting them, then it's not CIO.

[KLin]

It is wonderful and hard to help the little ones adjust to new sleep arrangements. Our boys would cry in a crib any time, it mostly looked nice in the room, I could not stand them to cry, they want to be loved and safe, not alone and scared.
We moved our sons from our bed to a big bed in their room at 18 month. We had side rails on three sides and we laid with them and I have special songs for my children. My 5 yr old son still wants me to lay with him and sing for him to sleep. I love that time with my boys, telling them about the wonders of the day, how special they are and singing them to sleep. My now almost 3 yr old son still wakes at night and cries out for me to comfort him. It is harder some nights than others.
I can see a time when they won't need me to tuck them in and comfort them to sleep and I cherish the moments while I can. Find what your little one needs and work that into a schedule. Rocking did not work for me, my boys were used to sleeping in bed with DH and myself, so we just transitioned into the boys room to make it comfortable for them. After the boys are asleep DH and I wander back to our bed :yawn.
KLin

[pastelsummer]

When I am putting my DD to bed I will lay her down now and she will do some sort of "angry" talking/fussing for about 3 min and then o to sleep on her own however if she starts screaming I will go check and see why most of thge time she just spit out her paci and I give it back to her, but sometimes I do just pick her up and cuddle/nurse her to sleep.

Sometimes I do it anyway I just LOVE to cuddle my DD

[bethy]

I never let my babies cry in their beds alone and they both go to sleep on their own just fine now and have for a very long time. :shrug

[ladybug]

FWIW, we rocked our 3 yo to sleep from infancy till she was about 2 1/2, then we transitioned to laying with her in her bed, and now we just read a story and then she asks us to leave so she can sleep! LOL!
So rocking him to sleep is not a bad thing!!!
And yes, do listen to your motherly instincts, if his crying is distressed, go to him!!
in my experience, once they start crying, they need comfort and mama, and mine won't settle down without me there.
I'm their security and calm.
So be it.
Sooner than we think, they'll be 15 and not wanting to be rocked anymore!! heehee hee