Spin-off from Amber's question for larger families

[Myrtle]

ok, so now I'm convinced it does get easier to have more children as the children you already have get older. So now I've got another question for large families. Do you feel like you miss out on more of the children's lives since you're spread thinner?

I felt like I missed a lot of ds's infancy b/c I had to deal with the terrible two's with dd. I spent a lot more time gazing at dd and talking to her and enjoying her when she was little, but I haven't had time to do that nearly as much with ds. If there was another little one to add to the mix, it seems like life would be even more hectic, and I'd just be in survival mode so much of the time, I'd never get to just cuddle and enjoy him/her. Sometimes I feel like I don't know either child like I'd like b/c I'm torn in two very different directions so much of the time. Does that change as they get older? Does it get better and more managable with more children, or does it seem to become a wider gap? :nails

[deena]

It helps when the ages are spread out some. Yes, you aren't there for every moment, but the sacrifice is worth it, for me anyway, because my love is multiplied so much. And the kids don't miss out on anything because whenever I'm not there for them someone else in the family definitely is.

[MamaCare]

Hmmm... I think it depends alot on the personality of each babe, as well as where you are in your parenting journey. I was thinking yesterday while hanging out w/C on the bed and just *enjoying* him, that I didn't get to do that (or at least, I don't remember doing it) as much w/ds 2 (He's 2 1/2 years younger than ds 1) But I had lots of that w/dd *and* am getting lots w/ds 3. :shrug Ds 2 was my really high need guy, though.. I remember lots of bouncing and walking and crying.

[MarynMunchkins]

I think I enjoy my youngest ones more and more because I realize how quickly the time goes. :heart

[klpmommy]

hmmmm, not really a larger family (yet!!) but the baby I enjoyed the least was E-- that was b/c I had two babies (13 m spread) and she was so colicky, high needs, plus I was fighting becoming AP.

the baby I enjoy the most? S. :yes I know how quick this time goes, I am not worried about spoiling/ruining her like I was with P and I know that no matter what I am not going to be perfect or raise a perfect kid (worried w/ P) so I feel like I can enjoy S where I didn't P or E.

Besides, P&E play so well together that I have time to spend with S by herself, plus after their bedtime I get one on one time with her.

[allisonintx]

You never parent another baby the way you do a first child. They are your 'starter baby' so you have a lot to learn. The compensation for the struggles on that learning curve is lots of baby-gazing that you never ever do again.

With a second baby, you don't do the baby-gazing that you did with the first one, but you're better at the baby stuff because it's not completely new, and the new baby has the benefit of built in entertainment committee, in their sibling/s.

[Myrtle]

I kinda' figured the second child didn't get as much attention as the first or third. From there on, I have no idea. But I can see how dd got a lot more time and attention simply b/c she was the only one around. I can see how if I have another baby, I'll spend more time enjoying the infancy stage b/c after ds came along I realized how fast it goes. And I'll be better at juggling since I've had practice now. With poor ds, I'm learning the ropes of having another child around while trying to parent a toddler. With the next child (if there is a "next") I'll be more used to that and better able to give him/her the time and attention I wish I'd had for ds.


It helps when the ages are spread out some. Yes, you aren't there for every moment, but the sacrifice is worth it, for me anyway, because my love is multiplied so much. And the kids don't miss out on anything because whenever I'm not there for them someone else in the family definitely is.


I was an only child, and there are definately perks to that, but there are also many things I missed out on that dd and ds experience on a daily basis. I think you're right. The trade-off is totally worth it. :yes