Crazy, as I do not Have Kids Yet, but

[Synesthesia]

When I have kids, will I have to fight with them over things I think are stupid?
Take food for example. I have memories of being stuck at a table in front of a plate of congealing grits refusing to eat it, and the fact that I detest and hate eggs and refuse to eat them unless they are hardboiled or in cakes or cookies. I hate the smell. I will not eat them. So why should I force a child that doesn't want to eat something to do it when I have foods I hate as well? Like beets. Beets are gross.
And making the bed. I do not make my bed, I do not see the point, but if I had kids I'd have to lecture them about the importance of bed making and cleaning when I detest cleaning so deeply.
It's ridiculous to think about these things when I don't have kids yet, but it's bond to come up in a home study in the future, thinking about discipline, wondering what to do when a child is screaming for candy when they have homemade cookies at home. (I won't handle it like my cousin did. She'd see her son screaming and yelling, tell him to stop, maybe threaten him, then give him what he wants and she'd wonder why he acted that way! bothersome or other ways members of my family would discipline, usually involving belts.)
How do parents figure out what is important amd what is trivial so they don't stress themselves out over typical child behaviour the way Ezzo and Pearl push people to do.

[ArmsOfLove]

http://www.aolff.org :heart

[Synesthesia]

That just makes total sense. A lot more sense than these Ezzo/Pearl or any of those types. It makes 100% sense. Security, boundaries, validating feelings without expecting a child to pretend to be happy, I love that. *reads more*

[milkmommy]

:giggle
Well while I refuse to battle the silly things I hate to say it the battles you do choose might suprise you :shifty.. Like we don't force foods never have never will but... add to the mix a child who will go dayd weeks umm... forever without eatting a thing who points to a plate of cake and icecream and says that will make me dead (after saying how much they love cake and icecream) and well you will find that line between saying you dont ever have to eat what you don't want and saying sit untill you have finished every bite umm a bit blurred :O

umm let the bed go... :giggle I don't make my bed :shrug
:giggle

Deanna

[jenn3514]

Most of the time I decide which battles to do by asking myself two questions. One- will it matter tomorrow? (since your bed will be unmade when you get out of it tomorrow, I'd scratch that one :giggle)
And two- is letting it go going to have a long-term effect on their behavior? (giving in to tantrums, ignoring unacceptable behavior...) This can usually be covered with the first question.

[Soliloquy]

I used to worry about that, too. We don't make the bed, either (although I like the way a made bed looks, but w/ a family bed I just don't see the point--someone's always in it! :giggle)

I do not tell my children what to eat or if to eat. I serve meals and snacks and I teach them to be polite (i.e. you don't say "eeew! gross! you say, "no thank you.") but what/if they eat is up to them.

Let me tell you, the FREEDOM from the tyranny of do's and don'ts of my childhood has been wonderful. And I get compliments all the time on what a sweet, well-mannered 3 y.o. I have, yet I have never forced her to be that way or nagged her, she simply is doing what toddlers do best--mimicing what her parents do.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

We try to focus on the main idea when we choose. As a lengthy example:

Making the bed is nice (and I've heard it makes a bedroom look 80% cleaner :giggle ) and I'll show my 4 year old how to do it, but I honestly don't care if it's done or not. It's a pointless exercise right now. I rarely make my own bed.

Perhaps someday when he's older if we feel he's not taking responsibility for his personal space we might revisit it as a quick, simple way to foster pride in your environment. :shrug2 But if that sense of responsibility and pride is our main point, that can be illustrated in plenty of other ways we would discuss with him and come up with a plan to address, and first before any kind of plan we would want to find out *why* the attitude exists. Depression, illness, poor internal boundaries, etc could result in a slip in self care skills in an older child and figuring that out would be the top of the priority list. If those things are issues, and they aren't explored, a rule about the bed being made won't accomplish much.

I hope that made some kind of sense, it's like a circus here right now. :lol

[ellies mom]

I ask myself, "Is this a hill I'm willing to die on". A lot of time, I find out that no, I don't want to die on that hill. Forcing my child to clean her plate is not one of those hills. Making the bed? not really. Car seats? Yes. Hitting? Yes. Everyone has different hills though and when you have children, you may find some hills that really surprise you. Maybe because you will die on that hill or maybe because you won't. But then it also depends on the child. Some children won't drag you up lot of hills and some will drag you up every one you see.

I think it is great that you are thinking about these things. I know pre-Ellie, I stored away a lot of little things I noticed around me. Some of it I ended up using, some of it I ended up discarding. But I think it is important to think about it. Realizing now, instead of in the throes of the moment, that forcing a child to sit at a table for hours watching food congeal is not overly effective, is a great first step. :yes