Surrounded by people who don't get GD

[CapeTownMommy]

I'm pretty new to GD. Started out Ezzo'ing and all that - back when I was really stupid. Anyway, I'm totally convinced that GD is the way to go, even while I know that it's going to be hard for me coming from a punitive mindset. But to make things worse, I find myself surrounded by totally punitive people. My best friend is pregnant, and she made a casual reference to another friend of hers who is sleep training her baby and finding it hard because the baby gets carried around too much at daycare. :hunh I'm doing my best to combine alternative solutions and beandip, but I get so frustrated that all these babies get put through that.

I did talk to my friend about CIO last night, told her that I believe babies have a right to want their mothers, even when there's nothing wrong and it's inconvenient for mom to respond, and that letting baby cry is cruel. She was nodding appreciatively so I think she gets it. But I'm just so discouraged that it's such a constant battle. I seem to forget most times that punitive parenting IS mainstream parenting and that most parents dont realise how cruel it is to their babies.

My sister, for example, spanks and does time-outs and all that. Their dd (3 and a half) is a very sweet child but quite spirited, and looking at their parenting style it seems very adversarial most of the time. As if they believe (Dobson-like) that the children's wills need to be bent. They also have a 1yo son who is also quite a handful. I may have posted about this before, but it seems they just assume we'll spank too. Her husband made a very upsetting comment to me about how handy it is that wooden spoons (I was cooking when he said this) are always available when the child acts out. I said "not in my house" and left it at that.

I'm rambling - what I"m trying to get at is, it feels like if I want to talk about GD, I'm going to lose some friends and alienate some people. So I guess the only way to do it is to model it and let people see its success and be ready to respond to anybody who comments about it... I'm just so sad that by then it'll probably be too late for my sister's children etc. (Not that my sister would ever take parenting advice from me - she assumes that she's older and more experienced in parenthood so what could I possibly teach her?)

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

[Benjaminswife]

I understand :hugheart I am surrounded by it too. Everywhere. Like you I want to be a good example of parenting without CIO, spanking, etc. It's hard though. I feel like when a child who is parented like that misbehaves it is ok, but if my child does it it is because I don't spank him or held him too much as a baby. So frustrating :(

I remember at my own baby shower. The Christmas tree was set up in the house it was in and I made the comment that I don't put ornaments on the bottom part because of Daniel and everyone else in the room said they do since, "how will they learn?" So frustrating :doh

[Close2MyHeart]

I understand too. :hugheart

Real Christians don't GD, right? :sigh I started out hiding what I believed... I'm just now starting to talk w/ people about it. People don't really see it as being "right", especially Christians who were raised in Ezzo or Pearlish type homes.

[mamaKristin]

For me, the key is just to parent the way I parent and try to insert grace-filled options when possible. A "that hasn't been my experience" or "I've found that X works better than spanking" can go a long way. I'm not aiming to change the world, but to possibly influence the people around me by their observation of my parenting and my children. It's really hard when we're surrounded by punitively minded people, I just try to stand up for grace when I can. It is hard though. :hug2

[fancifulfrog]

Me too including my OWN DH. I have offered to let him read Crystal's book. He isn't interested. I am just glad I do the majority of the parenting. (((((HUGS))))) to you Mama.