picking my battles--in what order?

[Beauty4Ashes]

My dc are pretty well behaved in public, but at home, there are some things that have to change. These are the behaviors that I am tired of.

1. I want for them to sit in one place during meal times, either their high chairs or a chair at the kitchen table. Implemented this one yesterday. I don't care if it takes them longer to finish their meals, but dh is tired of having to rush to eat his dinner and then feeding them himself. I know, he/we should have been letting them feed themselves a long time ago.

2. I am tired of my dc getting into the kitchen. They take down the baby gate and get stuff out of the refrigerator. We taped the baby gate so that at least they cannot take it down. I'm having a bit of a hard time with it because they want to be in the kitchen with me when I am cooking and it's not safe when I'm using the stove. OTOH, Danny likes to "help" me by removing the juice for me from the fridge, opening it up for me and then putting the cap back on and putting it back in the refrigerator when I'm done with the juice.

3. I am tired of being yelled at. I need to teach them how to use an indoor voice.

4. I am tired of Danny having a royal fit if I leave the room without him for a moment. I've reassured him that I will be back and do keep my promise. But his 2'ness is really rough.

5. Keeping t.v. time to a minimum.

6. There's about a million and one other things that need to be worked on, but this is sufficient for now.

[The Tickle Momster]

ok, deep breath, it will take a while to change all those, and I don't suggest tackling them all in one day. :hugheart

For the dinner time one, if they have highchairs with straps, and you want them to stay there, I would use that. Also, as you start expecting them to feed themselves, give them only a little at a time until they are capable of handling more.

For the inside voice. . . we are struggling with this too. Can you play games with them so they can learn what indoor and outdoor sound like? Some of this will come with age. My dd is 2 months older than your youngest and uses her loud voice all the time. She can't distinguish loud and soft in her own voice yet.

Can you talk to Danny while you are out of the room? Tell him what you are doing, as you are doing it? Of course do this using a quiet, indoor voice. :giggle

We have set times they can watch tv. When they first get up and I get some coffee into me (decaf right now) and after lunch for rest time. It will mean more interaction from you as they adjust to less screen time.

For the kitchen thing. . . Not sure how your kitchen is laid out. We bought some awesome booster seats that hook onto our counter. When mine were that age I would put them in there and give them something to do, coloring, mixing, salt, cornstarch and water, etc. Can you do something like that, where they are in the kitchen and involved but not underfoot?

:hug This is a tough age and spread. I hope something I offered is helpful to you. :hug

[Beauty4Ashes]

The having them eat in their high chairs and on their own went surprisingly well yesterday. I'm thinking of a compromise on the kitchen. Danny really likes to help me with opening bottles and such. I brought the bottles over to him so that he could open them and he was okay with that. He likes to open the microwave door and put the numbers in. I told him that the microwave is on the fritz, so only mommy should open it and punch in the numbers. (it is, hopefully the microwave won't die before next June). He accepted that explanation. I'd really swung to the permissive side of things, a lot of it was due to depression (life events related). I just didn't have the energy to help them to do things nicely, for lack of a better word. But I'm going to get counseling today.

[Beauty4Ashes]

Ds1 had a 20-30 minute meltdown because I only let him watch 1 program this morning. I told him that we would be going outside to play just as soon as I finished some vacuuming. He was supposed to eat his breakfast, but stopped entirely with the t.v. off. That is one thing that I cannot take, he is not very persistent about much of anything, but if there is something that he wants, more t.v., an apple, his daddy, etc., he will scream and cry for prolonged periods of time. It is then that I find myself incapable of reflecting feelings. I had him stay in his high chair, but came to check on him periodically because I couldn't take the screaming. I hope no one thought that I was torturing the poor boy. Dh tells me not to let him tantrum so long, just punish him, put him in a t/o and be done with it. IDK.

[doubleblessings]

It doesn't always work, but sometimes I do try to "not let them tantrum so long", but not by punishment. I try to do something "playful parenting" like. I can't do it right away when they get upset, but I try to do something to "snap them out of it" if they seem to be stuck there. Sometimes it DOES NOT work, but sometimes it does.

An example: At small group Sunday, DS was upset (he wanted another ball out - the kids were all taking turns kicking one into a goal and the father of the house said no). We took a walk around the house (me carrying him) to get away and let him have some time to process. He was still "fragile" and was having a hard time taking turns (small meltdowns). One of the other dad's asked if he could hold M. He wasn't sure at first. J said he wanted to show him something neat he had learned. That a frown turned upside down turns into a smile. M consented to be held by J and J said ok good we have a frown, then he turned him upside down and woohoo'ed because M found his smile. They did this a couple of times. And DS was able to play and take turns until time to go (which produced another meltdown :shifty).

[The Tickle Momster]

One thing that really works for us to stop tantrums is just sit down and start reading a book. Usually by the time I'm on page 3 ds is done crying and interested. I finish the book and then address the meltdown issue.

I'm glad eating in chairs went well. :tu

[Beauty4Ashes]

The only thing is that dh gave them their food to eat in the living room while watching t.v. The food is just sitting on their small table being ignored. Maybe I'll have to retrain dh???