Forgetting a baby in the car - could it happen to "anyone"?

[sarahtar]

Just wanting opinions. A local parenting board has been discussing a news story about a woman who forgot her baby in the car, on her way to work, baby died, usual scenario. The gist of the conversation is "this was a young, professional couple. If it could happen to them, it could happen to anyone."

I personally think that, no, it could not happen to anyone. Not "anyone" could forget their infant child in the car.

what do you think?

[luvinmykidz]

:no2 it would not happen to anyone......How do you forget your baby in the car?? Your keys or wallet maybe but not your baby :no2

[Rabbit]

It happened here in Memphis. Usually, mom took the baby to daycare, but on this day, the dad did it. He was a minister at a church, and they were using the church daycare. He had a big meeting that day, and was taking his normal route into work instead of having to focus on driving to a different location. Baby fell asleep, and he forgot he was taking her to daycare, forgot that she was in the car. He rushed out of the car and into his meeting. As the meeting was winding down, he turned grey and ran out of the room full of mystified people, to find that it was too late.

No, not ANYONE could have forgotten this baby. The mother wouldn't have. A baby sitter couldn't have. But in these circumstances, this dad could forget. He wasn't a junkie, a drunk, an abuser, or any other less than human designation. He was a father and a minister, and he forget his baby in the car. He was an "anybody."

[Eowyn]

I was on my way to a birthday party tonight, and planning how best to get to my location, and suddenly realized (long before I got there) I'd been planning as if I didn't have the baby with me. He was in his car seat in his usual spot. I occasionally need to leave him with DH for certain errands, and though times of getting out without any kids are few and far between, they do happen. I've made it a point to always check the back seats before I exit my vehicle, and that's why.

I know my own tendency to get caught up in thought and do things routinely. After we first got married, we lived in an apartment. The fastest way home from my parents' house was to take the highway. When we moved to this house, the fastest way was to take the street that had the highway on-ramp leading off of it. I can't count how many times after we moved that I hopped on the freeway and headed to my old apartment. I was on autopilot, and finally had to leave my parents' another way so I didn't make that mistake again. I can see how the difference in routine could throw somebody off if they're doing things on autopilot and thinking of something else. :yes2

The thought of that happening to me terrifies me.

[PurpleButterfly]

I can't even imagine either me or dh ever even coming close to forgetting one of our children in any setting or situation. :( Heck, I feel like something's missing if I'm even in the potty alone! I've had nightmares where I "lose" the baby and I think it's common for all mamas to experience those, but IRL, no, I don't think most parents could possibly forget their baby. I'm sad for the preacher and his story, but just because he is a preacher doesn't mean he was a good father or mentally healthy adult. The fact that the baby was in daycare and he didn't even remember he was responsible for his infant for the morning says a lot to me about a serious disconnect in the parenting in that family. :shrug

[Teribear]

It happened here in Memphis. Usually, mom took the baby to daycare, but on this day, the dad did it. He was a minister at a church, and they were using the church daycare. He had a big meeting that day, and was taking his normal route into work instead of having to focus on driving to a different location. Baby fell asleep, and he forgot he was taking her to daycare, forgot that she was in the car. He rushed out of the car and into his meeting. As the meeting was winding down, he turned grey and ran out of the room full of mystified people, to find that it was too late.

No, not ANYONE could have forgotten this baby. The mother wouldn't have. A baby sitter couldn't have. But in these circumstances, this dad could forget. He wasn't a junkie, a drunk, an abuser, or any other less than human designation. He was a father and a minister, and he forget his baby in the car. He was an "anybody."


It's happened MULTIPLE times here in Memphis actually...usually in daycare vans and typically with fatal results...but the story Natalie told is one that was absolutely heartwrenching...the youth pastor father in the story, from all accounts, was a great dad and the baby was their only child. It was tragic. I do think that it can happen to otherwise wonderful parents in a moment of tragic negligence. Think about how many of us here have admitted to locking our child in the car (accidentally or intentionally) and then imagine getting distracted by a phone call, the need of another child, any of the million and one things that can call our attention from where it needs to be. There but for the grace of God...I mean it wasn't in a car but my mother forgot to pick me up from school one day and my dad accidentally left me at a neighborhood store because I was quietly reading comic books while he talked with a friend he'd run into and when he left he forgot I was with him.

[Amber]

I can see how it would happen when you are tired and on autopilot. Like Eowyn I tend to get lost in my thoughts, and if I am tired that just compounds it.

[sarahtar]

Let me interrupt for a moment just to clarify - I think there is a huge difference between being on autopilot and driving to the wrong place and being on autopilot and forgetting your child in the car. (Geez, I can barely leave the house without driving to the wrong place because I get lost in my thoughts and just drive wherever habit takes me. But even at my most distracted, most bumped from my routine, I still get out and open the back door. I have done so even when alone in the car.)

And also a big difference between forgetting to pick a kid up from some activity and leaving an infant child in the car.

*shrug* I don't know. The times I don't have DS with me in the car, I am still constantly checking the backseat-view mirror to check on him. When he is in DH's care, that's about all DH thinks about.

It seems like all the stories I've ever heard about babies being forgotten in cars happen because a parent forgot to take the baby to daycare and went straight to work instead. I don't know. I hate to say it's the disconnect you develop when you're a working parent, because it sounds like I'm judging all working parents and I'm not. But many working parents kind of keep a wall up there, they remain slightly disconnected from their children. Their kids are not part of their life, their thoughts, because they are focused on their jobs. it seems like it's those people who tend to be the people who forget babies. (I know many working parents - DH among them - who are not like this. And I know many who are, sadly. Their kids are just other people - short people - who live in their house. Nothing more.)

[OnlyBelieve]

:pray4 :pray4
I pray for all the families that have been in situations like this. It must be hearbreaking for them....and the guilt they must have is unthinkable.

:pray4 :pray4

[Rabbit]

I don't think it's because working parents are disconnected. I think it's because they get out of the car alone more often in a single week than I have in the last 3 years combined. Their routine isn't the same as mine. In the case of the Memphis dad, he wasn't the usual parent to drive the baby around. He was on his usual solo route to work, and very very distracted. It happened. There was no controversy or debate about his case. It was just absolutely heartbreaking.

It may be that the only way it could happen is if your routine commonly includes travel time alone. If your auto pilot settings include routes or activities that have no children. You don't even go to the potty alone. It's unthinkable for you because you're never ever without the children.

It would be like forgetting your shoes. You wouldn't ever forget your shoes unless you're used to going barefoot out from the house. You'd feel the difference too much. It's not about being emotionally connected to your shoes. It's about the expectation that they will always be there, and there's a right feeling to having them on.

[Weezie]

Because this has happened around here (including a little girl who was left in the daycare van in a hot day but not our daycare) my childcare center has a policy: if the child isn't here within one hour of scheduled drop-off (and the parent hasn't called to tell us why) we begin callling parents, guardians, everyone on the emergency contact until we find out what's going on. Parents are informed of this during their parent orientation, so they know to expect it. It's how we keep our children safe. We think of it as a caring hand (or an alarm clock if you slept through yours...)

[Teacher Mom]

I don't think it's because working parents are disconnected. I think it's because they get out of the car alone more often in a single week than I have in the last 3 years combined.

My heart breaks for the parents who have went through this torment.

Now, do not ask me about those who leave them in the vehicle to run into Target for "just a minute". :mad

[Katydid]

my childcare center has a policy: if the child isn't here within one hour of scheduled drop-off (and the parent hasn't called to tell us why) we begin callling parents, guardians, everyone on the emergency contact until we find out what's going on.


I think that is an excellent policy. :yes

I agree with Natalie that, because of our auto-pilot routines as mothers, it's pretty much impossible to forget our children. In the case of the minister, I can see how being distracted and not being the one who usually takes the baby to daycare could make it easier to forget the baby. How absolutely :bheart :(

[bananacake]

I thought about this recently. I was in the kitchen, talking to my roommate, and temporarily forgot to check on my baby, who was sitting in a swing in the next room. It was probably 10 minutes. I know it's not the same, but it did make me wonder.

[illinoismommy]

:pray4 :pray4
I pray for all the families that have been in situations like this. It must be hearbreaking for them....and the guilt they must have is unthinkable.

:pray4 :pray4


:yes2 :bheart

[Marsha]

Yes, I think it could happen to anybody. That, or I';m nobody.
As far as I know, I haven't forgotten my kids in the car, because they are too loud. But if they were asleep, and I was zoned out and out of my mind like I usually am for at least a year after giving birth, I'd forget my own name.
I know a woman (good mom too believe it or not) who forgot her baby in the car at her post partume check up! The nurses were asking to see the baby, etc. and she had forgotten it in the car.
Car seats, they have to ride in the back, it would be easy to forget.
I think when we say that it wouldn't happen to us, or couldn't or how dare they, that it is a way of distancing ourselves from the sitaution because it's so horrible to imagine.

[allisonintx]

I will 'out' myself on this one. After the birth of my third child, in the postpartum haze of the 4month hormonal meltdown, I 'ran away' from home one night when dh got home from work (out of state, so he came home week-ends and it had been a really bad week) Now, I always take the baby with me until they are about nine months, for anything I do. I took her with me, strapped her in the car per usual, but I was fuming and fuming. I parked and locked the car, and nearly RAN into a subway to get an iced tea before going window shopping in a leather furniture store, and as I walked out of the Subway with my iced tea, I realized that I had left the baby in the car! :bag Now, it was in the evening, and so it wasn't sweltering hot, and the car was never more than about 20ish feet away from me, but I can understand how, with the right/wrong combination of lack of sleep and hormone fog, a person could forget they had their child there....but only because it happened to me. Up until that point I had always had a good healthy amount of judgment for these people whose children have died because they were left in the car.

When I got to the car to get Abbi out, she was happily playing with her recently found hands. :rolleyes2

[Aisling]

I'm more prone to do the opposite...even if my babes aren't there, I think they are. I think it's because when they're still small enough to be that quiet, I don't get out without them much. I think if I did on a regular basis, I'd have to be extra careful. :yes2

I've *nearly* left #2 a few tims, just because my first was so HN, she was always making a huge scene wherever she was. :giggle My second is so laid-back, I forgot she was in the house a few times, because she was so content, she'd often wake up from a nap and opt to play with her feet instead of screaming her head off. :O

[katiekind]

My mother once accidentally left me in a baby buggy at a grocery store, she says. When she got home and unloaded her groceries, she had a feeling something wasn't right, something was missing. And then she ran back to the store in horror. Fortunately these were earlier times, and it was a neighborhood grocery store that she normally walked to. I'm sure someone took care of me in the interim. But still.

I think that a nursing mother has such an advantage in this--because of your breasts filling with milk, although you might have an attack of absent-mindedness, your own body would pull you back to thoughts of the baby.

[MarynMunchkins]

Well...having never had babies that tolerated their carseats or fell asleep in the car, it seems unfathomable to me. :scratch I don't think there's any combination of anything that would have me personally forgetting one of my kids. :shrug

[blessedwithboys]

I can see how it would happen. :cry Dad doesn't ever go anywhere with baby, he's got a huge meeting that he's anxious about, Mom puts baby in the car while he's getting in and says "I put Jr. in, will you take him with you to church daycare?". Dad maybe didn't even put baby in the car himself. I know that makes me feel weird when dh does the putting kids in and buckling them! My brain keeps sending off alarm bells! It could happen.

When ds2 was just weeks old I had a few moments (always in the house, and safe, but still!) where it would suddenly occur to me that I had two children. Once I was cuddling ds1, reading him a story, and I started to wonder why in the world I could hear a baby crying! It was my ds2! :jawdrop

As Teri said- There but for the Grace of God....

[BeckaBlue]

I do think it could happen to anybody :yes2 maybe it's the brain i live with though :shrug Ive never forgotten them that i recall (and no matter how much i do forget, im pretty sure id remember if i have) but i don't think only disconnected or horrible parents can forget a kid in the car
I know when i was about 1.5 or so, in germany, in the winter....my dad got home real late and for some reason i was the only kid in the car w/ him...my mom was already asleep in bed so she didn't notice, he went into the house and conked out....hours later a neighbor knocks on the door asking about the crying baby in the car.
maybe that goes into my impression of if it could happen to anybody :shrug

[cheri]

I hate to say it's the disconnect you develop when you're a working parent, because it sounds like I'm judging all working parents and I'm not. But many working parents kind of keep a wall up there, they remain slightly disconnected from their children. Their kids are not part of their life, their thoughts, because they are focused on their jobs. it seems like it's those people who tend to be the people who forget babies. (I know many working parents - DH among them - who are not like this. And I know many who are, sadly. Their kids are just other people - short people - who live in their house. Nothing more.)

I think this is an incredibly insensitive thing to say. Even though you said that your intent was not to judge, those were very judgmental words toward working parents.

I do think that this situation can happen to ANYONE, especially if you get on autopilot and arent' thinking clearly. I do think it's far less likely to happen to someone who always has their children with them in the car, but it can still happen. Stress can make your mind wander. And if the child falls asleep, it could happen.

[Auroras mom]

I hate to say it's the disconnect you develop when you're a working parent, because it sounds like I'm judging all working parents and I'm not. But many working parents kind of keep a wall up there, they remain slightly disconnected from their children. Their kids are not part of their life, their thoughts, because they are focused on their jobs. it seems like it's those people who tend to be the people who forget babies. (I know many working parents - DH among them - who are not like this. And I know many who are, sadly. Their kids are just other people - short people - who live in their house. Nothing more.)

I think this is an incredibly insensitive thing to say. Even though you said that your intent was not to judge, those were very judgmental words toward working parents.

I do think that this situation can happen to ANYONE, especially if you get on autopilot and arent' thinking clearly. I do think it's far less likely to happen to someone who always has their children with them in the car, but it can still happen. Stress can make your mind wander. And if the child falls asleep, it could happen.


Pardon the double quote, but these are my thoughts exactly.

My heart just cries at the thought of that happening to anyone.

[poleidopy]

It could hapen to *anyone.* I have never done it. My irrational fear is putting one child in the car seat, then driving off, forgetting to put the baby in. ANd he is usually so quiet, I often check just to make sure he's actually with us in the car! I think we can't imagine it happening to *anyone* becasue it's just too awful to think about. But it could happen, in the right circumstances. ANd in each case that it's happened, there have been certain, unusual circumstances. We're not talking about your average mom or dad (stay-at-home OR working) well rested, in their daily routine. WHen it has happened, it's usually a sleep deprived parent, a parent out of their routine, etc.

[sarahtar]

I don't think it's because working parents are disconnected. I think it's because they get out of the car alone more often in a single week than I have in the last 3 years combined. Their routine isn't the same as mine. In the case of the Memphis dad, he wasn't the usual parent to drive the baby around. He was on his usual solo route to work, and very very distracted. It happened. There was no controversy or debate about his case. It was just absolutely heartbreaking.



I think we're saying the same thing.

[sarahtar]

I hate to say it's the disconnect you develop when you're a working parent, because it sounds like I'm judging all working parents and I'm not. But many working parents kind of keep a wall up there, they remain slightly disconnected from their children. Their kids are not part of their life, their thoughts, because they are focused on their jobs. it seems like it's those people who tend to be the people who forget babies. (I know many working parents - DH among them - who are not like this. And I know many who are, sadly. Their kids are just other people - short people - who live in their house. Nothing more.)

I think this is an incredibly insensitive thing to say. Even though you said that your intent was not to judge, those were very judgmental words toward working parents.


I'm sorry, but they weren't. I explained that many, perhaps even most, working parents are NOT like this. But some are. I'm sorry of you were offended and felt judged, but I think you read that into my statement when it simply was not there.

[Chris3jam]

Well, it happened to me, too. I was a young working mother, and I was the one that normally dropped my 3-4 yo (I think he was at the time) at daycare. This was a normal, autopilot thing for me. I pulled into the parking lot of where I worked, was getting out of the car, and getting ready to lock it. If my child hadn't said anything, I wouldn't have noticed. :blush He said something, and I backtracked to take him where he belonged, and went back to work. :blush I was pre-occupied. . . I was thinking of something else. . . I was upset at the time. . . .it was such an automatic thing, you think I would have just automatically followed my routine. And I didn't. . I was that out of sorts. I hope that I wasn't *that* disconnected from my child. . . . .but, sometimes we just get wrapped up in our problems, and everything else gets put behind that. I think we all have "brain farts" sometimes. Unfortunately, we're not islands, and sometimes there are tragic consequences. :cry

But, that's what made me even more OCD . . . .I was so upset about it, that, to this day, I'm always counting steps, counting children (more than once), calling for "role call" in the car, and being basically a basket case, and an over-protective mother. And kids can feel that anxiousness and stress, too. When they were all born, I had monitors all over the house, and I still didn't want them out of my sight, since I was so scared I would lose them. :(

[sarahtar]

Now, do not ask me about those who leave them in the vehicle to run into Target for "just a minute". :mad


Oddly enough, there are many situations in which I'm comfortable with parents doing this. (Older children, small town Iowa, nice day...) I have once also left my sleeping toddler in the car so I could run in and pay for gas. The car was directly in front of the door, my eyes on the car the whole time, middle of the day and not busy at the gas station.

[GrowingInGrace]

Not me, but only because my babies usually never slept in the car, they always cried in the car seat, til I got to my destination. They never let me forget they were there.

OTOH, I could see myself zoning out on the computer while the little one gets into trouble, I can totally see that happening...

[Dana Joy]

I have often gone to open the van door when there are no children with me- so I could see the opposit happening to someone who most of the time did not have the children with them

[loveberry]

I just can't relate at all, I don't understand. I've worked, I've been a SAHM, I've had weird schedules with Alex being with his dad randomly and I've had set schedules. I've done daycare and after school care and had sitters.

I've lost my keys approximately twice a day every day since I started driving. I lose my cel phone all the time. I've forgotten my purse at nearly every store I've shopped at. I've left my laptop in random places. I've lost handfuls of cash and my check card over and over. By all accounts I am a totally forgetful dingbat flaky kind of girl. But in nearly 10 years I've never forgotten Alex in the car. So I just have a really hard time understanding.

Here in Arizona they suggest that people leave their wallet or cell phone by their baby so they don't forget the baby. That's insanity to me.

[Eowyn]

My irrational fear is putting one child in the car seat, then driving off, forgetting to put the baby in.

Not exactly the same, but when a friend of mine and I only had one child each, we went on an outing together, and took her car. We set her son in his car seat so she could hold mine while I installed the seat. We got Ian in, and stopped at the gas station for coffee. Her son started fussing when she ran in, and I got out and went around to comfort him. That's when I noticed he was still in the seat, but between the two of us, we'd completely forgotten to buckle him in. :jawdrop :blush

[Lila]

This must be such a horrible thing to happen to anyone. I can imagine that happening if someone is really upset or tired, particularly if the baby is asleep.

[cheri]

I'm sorry, but they weren't. I explained that many, perhaps even most, working parents are NOT like this. But some are. I'm sorry of you were offended and felt judged, but I think you read that into my statement when it simply was not there.

ummm.... not judged personally because I'm not a wohm. however, why say this kind of thing at all?? very few working parents are disconnected from their children. most working parents love and care for their children just as much as a sahm. and they are attached, too.

I bet all of those people that it did happen to would say that it would never happen to them. They are almost always unusual circumstances. Someone is out of their routine, they're extremely exhausted, stressed out, or something else is happening.

[Amber]

My irrational fear is putting one child in the car seat, then driving off, forgetting to put the baby in.

Not exactly the same, but when a friend of mine and I only had one child each, we went on an outing together, and took her car. We set her son in his car seat so she could hold mine while I installed the seat. We got Ian in, and stopped at the gas station for coffee. Her son started fussing when she ran in, and I got out and went around to comfort him. That's when I noticed he was still in the seat, but between the two of us, we'd completely forgotten to buckle him in. :jawdrop :blush

I done that :blush I have had the same routine of getting the kids in the car since day one. But one time I was tired and zoned out, went through our normal routine, had Cole climb in the car, went around and buckled the baby in and then forgot to go back and buckle Cole in. I as just a mile or so away from home and I noticed he was standing in front of his car seat when we were a couple of blocks from home. It left me shaky and scared from all the "what ifs" that could have happened.

[ChristmasGirl]

we'd completely forgotten to buckle him in

i was going to mention this too. I'm in the habit of buckling in 1 child so if i am either watching another child, or a friend rides along and i buckle their child in too I have to be careful that i remember the 2nd one :O

[joyful mama]

I have no idea. For me, I'm *so used* to having my children with me that no, i seriously couldn't imagine it. But yes, I can see it happening in the circumstances natalie explained. Its heartwrenching, tragic... really there aren't words strong enough. :cry

[joyful mama]

my :twocents on the whole 'disconnect' thing. I've met parents who were disconnected and stayed at home, and others who are very connected, and work full time. I don't think we can just assume that someone who works is disconnected, therefore they are more likely to forget a child. I think its more along the lines of what Natalie is talking about- very important meetings, used to solo driving, probably very tired, too... it can lead to serious consequences :shrug. I mean, I knew a women who worked the night shift to be home with her kids as often as possible (as do I) and she was very tired one morning and had no babysitter. She fell asleep. A fire started... and several of her children were killed when she didn't awaken and the fire alarm failed. A good mom who sacrificed a lot to work nights - no babysitter one day- deadly consequences :cry

Aweful things happen :(. and to say, "well it wouldn't happen to ME b/c I'm attached to my kids" may be true, but :shrug by the Grace of God go I.

[Weezie]

I do work outside the home, but am VERY attached to my children. I also know people make honest mistakes. This is why I take my job as a director and as a mother so seriously. I am here to make my children safe, and to ensure other's are safe, as well. This included times where I am an emplyee and a citizen ( in public) and I am not afraid to do what needs to be done for the safety of the children.

[loveberry]

The WOHM being more disconnected than the SAHM is a whole other thread IMO. Not really related to this thread or this topic. There are too many other variables.

[Aisling]

I personally don't see the issue as a disconnection issue at all. It's more of a force of habit issue. My dh is *very* connected to our children, but he forgets some things because it's simply not as much of a habit. I don't see that as an attachment issue as much as I see it as an issue of stress, having a lot of balls in the air, etc.

The only times I recall nearly forgetting my babies is when they were newborns. I was *extremely* attached to them, just not in the habit of loading 2 kids 100% of the time. ;)

[expatmom]

I personally don't see the issue as a disconnection issue at all. It's more of a force of habit issue.

I agree.

[This Busy Mom]

I think the bigger the family, the more easier it is to accidentally forget someone. I remember forgetting to buckle my 3rd child up after having two that I had to wrestle into their carseats all the time. I never, ever forgot to buckle my first two up because they made it impossible to not be buckled up. My third would happily climb into her seat and get all comfy... I realized that I'd missed buckling her up when I went to take her out.

This happened not so long ago here in ohio to a teacher at the beginning of the school year. Her child died :( .

We're such creatures of habit :/

[ArmsOfLove]

As a mother of five children, I can totally understand it happening. During my pg with the twins I can't count the number of times I left the house with my slippers instead of my shoes. I've been sleep deprived for nearly three years. I've never left a child in the car, but the OCD tendencies I have leave me counting heads about 100 times and I forget other things instead ;) We did have one baby asleep in the bedroom, got everyone else in the car, and dh said, "Okay, let's go," and went to lock the house up. :hunh :doh I asked if he was going to get the baby and he said, "I did." :shrug I said, "The OTHER baby!" :no He felt horrible! But he doesn't load them in the car every time he leaves the house and he had gotten four children into the car already :shrug

I think that, like most things, we think bad things won't, or *can't*, happen to us. We won't drown, we won't get mugged, we won't . . . fill in the blank. So when we hear that it did happen we have to find someone to blame otherwise we have to realize it could be us :(

[GotMyHeartFull]

this happened to me. Once and I still cannot believe I did it. When I had #3, my stepson was living with us for the month. He wanted to go to the pool every day. So I would take him to the pool onpost and drop him off for an hour or 2 and then pick him up (he was 12) Well I always left my newborn (he was about 2 or 3 weeks old with dh. He'd been going for 2 weeks. On this day, I was going to go to the store after I dropped him off. I took the baby with me in case he got hungry and took my dss. We are standing in line waiting for me to sign him in, and all of a sudden I felt sick and ran out the door. I forgot the baby in the car. I could not believe I did that. It was only a few minutes but I am still sick over it. So I can see how this could happen to anyone and I don't judge. There are many things in motherhood that I have thought 'that would never happen to me' and then it did.

[BHope]

My parents and I were talking about this a while back and my dad commented that he wished some one would invent a carseat sensor that would light up a "baby on board" sign above the rear view mirror when the carseat was occupied. It would then chime (similiar to your seatbelt indicator) when you opened the doors to exit. Hopefully to remind parents/guardians that a carseat was still occupied.

[Lila]

he wished some one would invent a carseat sensor that would light up a "baby on board" sign above the rear view mirror when the carseat was occupied. It would then chime (similiar to your seatbelt indicator) when you opened the doors to exit. Hopefully to remind parents/guardians that a carseat was still occupied.


Wow, someone should really invent that. Could save so many little lives :sigh

[bananacake]

My parents and I were talking about this a while back and my dad commented that he wished some one would invent a carseat sensor that would light up a "baby on board" sign above the rear view mirror when the carseat was occupied. It would then chime (similiar to your seatbelt indicator) when you opened the doors to exit. Hopefully to remind parents/guardians that a carseat was still occupied.


Someone has invented a weight sensor that beeps if you lock the car with a child in the car seat, but it's not on the market yet.

[Linnis]

Back in June, right before DS grew out of his baby bucket. I asked DH to carry him in the baby bucket to the car because it's heavy. DH normally never does this because I always did and he came out after me and locked the door with the baby sitting inside in his baby seat. I'm like "Forgetting someone?" and he felt so bad and went and got him and spent the next week feeling so bad because he forgot the baby. He wouldn't stop saying sorry to me and to our son who had no idea what happened. :heart

So yes, I can see it happening. I can see it being an honest mistake. Even more so for people like my DH who forget things easily.


It can happen to anyone.

When you leave your kid in the van for two plus hours and keep checking up on her so you can go into a brothel or do your grocery shopping without a baby then that's when it makes me mad.

[CapeTownMommy]

ITA with Natalie on the disconnect issue.

I can totally see this happening - in fact, I've experienced the first step in the process to forgetting baby in the car already. I drive with baby a lot, but I also drive on my own (probably about 50% of my drive-time includes baby in the car). I was driving back from somewhere one afternoon, and started out by chatting to baby in the rear-view mirror. Then something distracted me, I was thinking about something, and after a minute I realised that I had totally forgotten baby was in the car with me. We were on our way home, so obviously there's no way I would have forgotten her in the car, but I totally understand how it could happen and I feel for those poor parents who have experienced it.

[AdrienneQW]

Yes, I think it can happen to anyone. Yes, I also think it more often happens to parents who are more disconnected or detached from their children... but that doesn't mean it CAN'T happen to a connected, loving, AP parent. There but for the grace of God...

We use a Sit-N-Stroll (carseat/stroller/airplane seat in one) for travel. Once when Celeste was about a year old, she and I were visiting my girlfriend in Wisconsin - walked out of the house, got the Sit-N-Stroll out of the rental car, put it in my friend's car, lifted Celeste in, and spent a good five minutes re-adjusting the straps to account for her winter clothing. Hopped in the car, went to church, attended Mass, went back to their house... and it was only when I went to get Celeste out of the car again that I realized the Sit-N-Stroll was not secured to the seat. She was strapped securely into the S-N-S, but the seat itself was simply placed on the back seat of the car instead of belted in. :jawdrop

Luckily, nothing happened. But it could have.

[illinoismommy]

Up until that point I had always had a good healthy amount of judgment for these people whose children have died because they were left in the car.



Yup and my experience with breastfeeding (yes really) has given me more grace for this area without even having to experience it. I can't imagine forgetting my children because I am the one that is checking for them even when I left them at home with daddy, but who knows?

[Ali]

I agree that it's about habit, not disconnect. If you typically aren't the one doing the day-care drop off, I can totally see how the one day you are, you forget.
While I have not yet forgotten a baby/child in the car, I refuse to say it could never happen to me. Afterall, I am human and flawed. The instant you let your guard down is when it can happen to you.

[GodChick]

think the bigger the family, the more easier it is to accidentally forget someone.

ITA

I think that, like most things, we think bad things won't, or *can't*, happen to us. We won't drown, we won't get mugged, we won't . . . fill in the blank. So when we hear that it did happen we have to find someone to blame otherwise we have to realize it could be us

ITA with this too. I think it's human nature. I've experienced it when I told people about dd1's health problems: "that won't happen to us because we eat right/don't vax/eliminated dairy/threw out the tv/bothered to educate ourselves about nutrition/take the right supplements/yoddel at the new moon/whatever." human nature.

[2inHeaven2inMontana]

Anything can happen to anyone..I have experienced it. It's our way of feeling safe, to say, "that would never happen to me" It can and it does. I have a friend who was overprotective...especially about water, she would move her dog's water dish so her 2 yr old couldn't possibly drown in it...etc etc. Her 2 1/2 yr old drown in a couple inches of water in the bathtub...she had never ever left her daughter before, and for no reason at all had run downstairs and left her. We think we'd never do such and such and on a really bad stressful, not enough sleep bad hormonal day we could easily accidentally do it. Another friends son was thrown out of the vehicle and killed because she forgot to buckle him...she was driving in a residential 25mph road. none of us are really safe from all the bad things that can happen, no matter how connected we are, and no matter how often we think that we could or would never do that.
My example. I breastfed, coslept, non-vaccine, no drugs, etc etc etc and my son died from SIDS. I did everything right and still the wrong thing happened. It's a sad & harsh reality.

[J3K]

Never left the baby in the car...but I have left her suited up in her winter gear strapped in the car seat sitting in the front room. The other kids reminded me as I pulled out of the driveway..."Are we just gonna leave Hannah in the house ?". :doh

[pastelsummer]

I have forgotten but remembered in like 4 min. And I was still foggy from no sleep and was like 2 weeks old. and it was only at home thank God. But I can't see forgetting long enough that the child would actually die from it

[pastelsummer]

Anything can happen to anyone..I have experienced it. It's our way of feeling safe, to say, "that would never happen to me" It can and it does. I have a friend who was overprotective...especially about water, she would move her dog's water dish so her 2 yr old couldn't possibly drown in it...etc etc. Her 2 1/2 yr old drown in a couple inches of water in the bathtub...she had never ever left her daughter before, and for no reason at all had run downstairs and left her. We think we'd never do such and such and on a really bad stressful, not enough sleep bad hormonal day we could easily accidentally do it. Another friends son was thrown out of the vehicle and killed because she forgot to buckle him...she was driving in a residential 25mph road. none of us are really safe from all the bad things that can happen, no matter how connected we are, and no matter how often we think that we could or would never do that.
My example. I breastfed, coslept, non-vaccine, no drugs, etc etc etc and my son died from SIDS. I did everything right and still the wrong thing happened. It's a sad & harsh reality.


When God says it is time for them to go home it is time. And we can do nothing to stop it, :hugheart

[Naomi]

I think it definitely has a lot more to do with what's "normal" for that person, rather than how connected they are to the child. DH is very connected to dd, but he is very rarely in the car with her by himself. So, I could see him completely forgetting about a sleeping infant, especially if he were on his way to work, and in his normal work vehicle rather than the van. I'm the complete opposite. I unlock and open the back sliding door to get Hannah out, even when she is at home with DH. It's very scary how much habits can affect our life. :yes2

[CapeTownMommy]

Anything can happen to anyone..I have experienced it. It's our way of feeling safe, to say, "that would never happen to me" It can and it does. I have a friend who was overprotective...especially about water, she would move her dog's water dish so her 2 yr old couldn't possibly drown in it...etc etc. Her 2 1/2 yr old drown in a couple inches of water in the bathtub...she had never ever left her daughter before, and for no reason at all had run downstairs and left her. We think we'd never do such and such and on a really bad stressful, not enough sleep bad hormonal day we could easily accidentally do it. Another friends son was thrown out of the vehicle and killed because she forgot to buckle him...she was driving in a residential 25mph road. none of us are really safe from all the bad things that can happen, no matter how connected we are, and no matter how often we think that we could or would never do that.
My example. I breastfed, coslept, non-vaccine, no drugs, etc etc etc and my son died from SIDS. I did everything right and still the wrong thing happened. It's a sad & harsh reality.


When God says it is time for them to go home it is time. And we can do nothing to stop it, :hugheart


I just want to respond to this: I know exactly what you mean when you say this, and that you mean it in the best possible way, but I also know a lot of parents who lose a child don't need to hear "it's God's will". And I don't believe it is - I believe sometimes God allows bad things to happen, but that doesn't mean He meant for them to happen. It was not necessarily God's will that 2inHeaven2inMontana's son die of SIDS - although I do absolutely believe that He takes care of her son now.

OK, back on topic!

[Teacher Mom]

I believe sometimes God allows bad things to happen, but that doesn't mean He meant for them to happen.

:yes :yes :yes

[GodChick]

believe sometimes God allows bad things to happen, but that doesn't mean He meant for them to happen.

:yes Lots of people who have lost loved ones feel this way. I do too.

[Quietspirit]

I think that, like most things, we think bad things won't, or *can't*, happen to us. We won't drown, we won't get mugged, we won't . . . fill in the blank. So when we hear that it did happen we have to find someone to blame otherwise we have to realize it could be us

This is so very true.

I really get upset when I hear about tragic accidents like this and then out of the woodwork comes the people who say "well, they must not be good parents, etc". I can't imagine forgetting *my* children in a car but I can see how it could happen. And it has got to be just heartbreakingly horrifying to those it happens to.