WDYD when your child hits another child?

[railyuh]

I can deal when DS (19 months) hits me or DH, but when it comes to him hitting another child I am at a loss of what to do. Most of the time, if DS hits me or DH, it's because he's angry or upset about something. We try to avoid those situations altogether, but when it happens I can deal with him and it's not like he's going to really hurt us, you know? But sometimes he'll hit another kid and it almost always comes out of the blue. I honestly have no idea why he does it. Yesterday we were at a bday party and there were like 3 little boys standing around and looking at something and everything was fine and DS just reached over and whopped another kid on the head two times in a row. A nearby adult told him no and I rushed over (I was just a few feet away) and held him so he wouldn't hit the other kid again and told him that we shouldn't hit other people because it hurts and that sort of thing...but I was left feeling like I should do something more. I'm not sure if it is just embarrassment, like I'm embarrassed when DS does something like that or worried that other parents think I'm not doing a good job of disciplining my child or what, but at this age I'm just not sure what else to do. I try to prevent these kinds of things as much as possible, but unless I have my hands hovering over him every moment this kind of thing is going to happen. Do I just need to get over my embarrassment about it? Or is there something else I can do?

[booboo]

I apologize to the parents and tell my kids, hands are for holding, not hurting. "If you can't see, say excuse me."
Another thing I remind my kids, "we do hugs, not hurts in our household."

[deena]

I find that the hurt child usually really appreciates a hug from the hitter (even if it is *forced*). And obviously an admonition to your child that hitting is not appropriate.

[Auroras mom]

Also, look for his triggers. Maybe he needs more space, so you may have to try to make sure he has plenty of physical room at playdates. Playdates can be very stressful for kids, so they need our help to deal appropriately with the stress.

[allisonintx]

I generally remove my child from the area to a place where I am the only person he/she sees to talk through it. It serves two purposes:

1. Disrupts whatever play dynamic brought about the hitting thereby diffusing the situation

2. Let's the parent of the 'wronged' child know that I take my child hitting theirs seriously and I'm visibly, physically 'doing something' about it.

I really hate it when a parent would watch their child hit mine and say "no, no, honey, hands are not for hitting" and not Get Off Their Butt to DO SOMETHING about it, so I really worked to alter the dynamic more for my own children when they hit.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

I generally remove my child from the area to a place where I am the only person he/she sees to talk through it. It serves two purposes:

1. Disrupts whatever play dynamic brought about the hitting thereby diffusing the situation

2. Let's the parent of the 'wronged' child know that I take my child hitting theirs seriously and I'm visibly, physically 'doing something' about it.


:yes This is what I do too. I apologize for him in case they leave while ds and I are talking. I send him to apologize when we're done if they're still there. If it happens too often, I will remind ds that if he can't play properly (using gentle hands) than we will have to go.

[railyuh]

I generally remove my child from the area to a place where I am the only person he/she sees to talk through it. It serves two purposes:

1. Disrupts whatever play dynamic brought about the hitting thereby diffusing the situation

2. Let's the parent of the 'wronged' child know that I take my child hitting theirs seriously and I'm visibly, physically 'doing something' about it.

I really hate it when a parent would watch their child hit mine and say "no, no, honey, hands are not for hitting" and not Get Off Their Butt to DO SOMETHING about it, so I really worked to alter the dynamic more for my own children when they hit.


That's a really good idea. I do come over to DS and get down on the floor with him and hold him while I talk to him, but I think taking him to a different area is an even better idea.

Thanks everyone! I really have no idea what sets this off when we are around other children. Like I said before, when it happens at home he is clearly upset or mad about the current situation, but when it happens around other kids it really comes out of nowhere. He's not tired, hungry, upset, not trying to get a toy from another child and the other child is not in the way--he'll just be perfectly content and then turn around and smack the nearest kid on the head once or twice. I try to stay close and keep an eye on him so I can intervene, but when it happens out of nowhere it's really hard to prevent it from happening.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

Like I said before, when it happens at home he is clearly upset or mad about the current situation, but when it happens around other kids it really comes out of nowhere. He's not tired, hungry, upset, not trying to get a toy from another child and the other child is not in the way--he'll just be perfectly content and then turn around and smack the nearest kid on the head once or twice.


He might just be trying to connect with them somehow and not understand the best way to do it. Sometimes I can sort of coach my four year old on how to play or talk to another child for awhile and after that he takes off on his own.

[joy]

I was right next to my DS once when he hit another child, so he saw me immediately get down to eye level with the other child and apologize for him. Then I held his hands and said to him, "gentle touches sweetie, no hitting." and moved him away. Something clicked with that and since then, I will hear him say "no hitting!" to himself occasionally when we are with other children or even with me and DH. I guess those are times he is thinking about it but doesn't do it.
At 19 months I think this is normal - if you keep on it with the advice here, you two can get to the other side of it. I'm really surprised how quickly my DS figured it out. (with other kids, I mean. He still gets a good whack on me plenty of times - but we're getting there...)