Dandelion
09-21-2007, 08:58 PM
I felt like things were going so much better for me the last couple of days with discipline. But now I am discouraged again and scared. Long story short, at bedtime tonight my dh came in to say goodnight to the boys and he sat down on the bed while I was going to pray with them. Ds 8 and ds 4 were both acting crazy together which is the norm and is irritating for both dh and myself. I told them to settle down, but they didn't listen. Then ds 4 banged dh in the head - it was an accident, but due, of course, to his inappropriate behavior (trying to lick his brother or something). So dh said sternly "That's it, I'm going to spank you if you don't sit still now". I did not say anything, just ignored dh's outburst and restated that they must calm down, be still, whatever I said to begin with. The kids are used to this kind of talk from both of us, although I stopped spanking and threatening to spank about 3-4 wks ago, but never told the kids this was my intention. So everyone was quiet and still and we could have our prayer time which then seemed just pious and remote-controlled to me. Dh said goodnight and when he left my ds4 who had been threatened with the spanking said "mommy I want to kill myself"
It was like having the wind knocked out of me. I know that he probably has no true comprehension of what that means in it's entirety, but it is just so disturbing to me that it came out of his little mouth. He is generally a pretty happy kid, but in the last few months has begun saying things like "I hate myself because I do bad things" and "dad/mom I don't like you because you yell at me" and now this.
I told ds 4 that I did not ever want him to feel like that and that he does not need to dislike himself because he does something wrong, we all do things wrong and God forgives us and loves us and that mommy and daddy love him even when he does things wrong. I am just so scared that someone that small could say something like that. I was suicidal/self harming for much of my life and I cannot live with it being passed on to my children. I just pray that that will be the last time he thinks or says anything like that. And it makes me so much more convicted and convinced that gbd is the way for us. I just don't know how long it will take dh to care and to catch on. I did not tell him yet what ds4 said. I can't talk to him right now, I am too angry with his lack of interest/desire to learn about what is best for our kids. I would not be as angry if I felt like he cared to educate himself about what is best for the kids, but he would rather watch videos on the computer or learn about how to herd sheep :mad. And further more I am angry because when I asked ds4 where he ever even heard of killing yourself he said that dad told him about his friend who killed himself with a gun. Why the heck does my 4 yr old have to know about things like that?
So I guess what I want to know is what to say to my dh to help him understand that his words are harmful? And those of you who have similar situations with hubby, how do you handle it?
It was like having the wind knocked out of me. I know that he probably has no true comprehension of what that means in it's entirety, but it is just so disturbing to me that it came out of his little mouth. He is generally a pretty happy kid, but in the last few months has begun saying things like "I hate myself because I do bad things" and "dad/mom I don't like you because you yell at me" and now this.
I told ds 4 that I did not ever want him to feel like that and that he does not need to dislike himself because he does something wrong, we all do things wrong and God forgives us and loves us and that mommy and daddy love him even when he does things wrong. I am just so scared that someone that small could say something like that. I was suicidal/self harming for much of my life and I cannot live with it being passed on to my children. I just pray that that will be the last time he thinks or says anything like that. And it makes me so much more convicted and convinced that gbd is the way for us. I just don't know how long it will take dh to care and to catch on. I did not tell him yet what ds4 said. I can't talk to him right now, I am too angry with his lack of interest/desire to learn about what is best for our kids. I would not be as angry if I felt like he cared to educate himself about what is best for the kids, but he would rather watch videos on the computer or learn about how to herd sheep :mad. And further more I am angry because when I asked ds4 where he ever even heard of killing yourself he said that dad told him about his friend who killed himself with a gun. Why the heck does my 4 yr old have to know about things like that?
So I guess what I want to know is what to say to my dh to help him understand that his words are harmful? And those of you who have similar situations with hubby, how do you handle it?