Talk to me about your first child

[Elora]

Did you start out APing?

Did the work involved in parenting take you by surprise?

Did you think that your DH would "do more" and were you surprised that you had to bear the majority of the parenting?

I was APd (although until this board I didn't even realize that was the term for it) and so were my siblings, so I am following what I know. Of course I think it's "right" :lol I had a lot of experience with kids before I had my first (and I'm old kinda :shifty), I don't know if that has anything to do with it, or if it's because my baby is pretty laidback, but he's so easy. Everyone told me "well other people's children are always easier than your own, you'll never really realize how much work a baby is until you have your own" ... but um, they were way off. My baby is so much easier. There were many babies I cared for that were so high needs, including a severely autistic baby until his mother finally acknowledge something was wrong with him when he wouldn't look at her, talk or communicate with her by the age of 3...and since I wasn't the "parent" and each baby has it's own specific communication (or complete lack thereof) it was so much easier for me to "know" my own baby. It's also easier to deal with him during times when he's "not so laid back" because he's mine. Even nights like last night when he woke up every hour and I didn't sleep at all, it is just "one of those things" I guess I knew parenting required, and it doesn't frustrate me like it did with other people's kids.

Did anyone else "fear" parenting from other people's advice?

Or was it "harder" than you thought?

[Lantern Light Mama]

With my first son I was not prepared to be a mother.

I was 19 when I became pregnant with DS and 20 when he was born. He was born overseas in a German Hospital at around 25-36 weeks and he weighed 4 lbs and 8 oz. He was very tiny, and blue. He wouldn't suck and his blood sugar was crazy. He spent a week in the NICU where I pumped my milk for him. By the time he went home he was nursing with a weak suck. He nursed every two hours and I didn't really know this was normal or anything about AP. At two weeks of age his health problems began with wheezing, then rashes, and later on vomitting. I was so caught up in trying to take care of the medical needs and make it from day to day that I don't feel like I ever had the time to just bask in the joy of his birth. We knew there was something wrong with him and didn't get him into therapy until at 9 months he would not sit up and crawl. I just did the best I could with what I knew. At 2 years old after a year of diaper rash I slowely discovered AP and natural parenting. It never came easy. Its a sad story and its not the one I wish we had. What has been good though is that we reconnected and I feel like now we have a very close bond despite our rough start together.

With my second child I was really into AP. I wore him, I breastfed him ( til six months), I clothe diapered and we coslept. I found as he got older some ascepts of AP are still hard for me.

I still to this day fear other peoples well intended parenting advice.

[Mother of Sons]

Did you start out APing?

No, not at all.

Did the work involved in parenting take you by surprise?

Not really. What took me by surprise is how much your heart hurts all the time.

Did you think that your DH would "do more" and were you surprised that you had to bear the majority of the parenting?

He helped out quite a bit.

[Elora]

With my first son I was not prepared to be a mother.

I was 19 when I became pregnant with DS and 20 when he was born. He was born overseas in a German Hospital at around 25-36 weeks and he weighed 4 lbs and 8 oz. He was very tiny, and blue. He wouldn't suck and his blood sugar was crazy. He spent a week in the NICU where I pumped my milk for him. By the time he went home he was nursing with a weak suck. He nursed every two hours and I didn't really know this was normal or anything about AP. At two weeks of age his health problems began with wheezing, then rashes, and later on vomitting. I was so caught up in trying to take care of the medical needs and make it from day to day that I don't feel like I ever had the time to just bask in the joy of his birth. We knew there was something wrong with him and didn't get him into therapy until at 9 months he would not sit up and crawl. I just did the best I could with what I knew. At 2 years old after a year of diaper rash I slowely discovered AP and natural parenting. It never came easy. Its a sad story and its not the one I wish we had. What has been good though is that we reconnected and I feel like now we have a very close bond despite our rough start together.

With my second child I was really into AP. I wore him, I breastfed him ( til six months), I clothe diapered and we coslept. I found as he got older some ascepts of AP are still hard for me.

I still to this day fear other peoples well intended parenting advice.
:hug

I'm sorry about your rough start :( But I do love hearing stories about mamas that "found" AP and choose to use it. Thanks for sharing your story.

[MtnMama]

Did you start out APing?

Pretty much. I didn't call it AP and was happily suprised to learn at about her 4th month that what I do is called something. Up until then, I thought I was just a freak of nature, LOL, since i went against all of my family's advice.

Did the work involved in parenting take you by surprise?

I had no experience with children, so I was not sure what to expect.

Did you think that your DH would "do more" and were you surprised that you had to bear the majority of the parenting?

Well, unless the man figured out how to lactate, I figured what could he really do? LOL. As she got older, he helped out more.

Did anyone else "fear" parenting from other people's advice?

I'm not sure what you mean! :O

Or was it "harder" than you thought?

There is more of an emotional connection than I thought there would be. I always feared I wouldn't "know" my child, but that hasn't happened. I think that I never felt my mom knew me and maybe that was my fear. Of course, she followed all of the detachment advice, so no wonder, huh? I think that the emotional attachment makes parenting more enjoyable than I expected. As far as being harder, just the other day, I thought about how there is always *something* to do! Before we can go out, she needs to have clothes on (she's a free girl around the house, LOL), but before she can have pants, she must have a fresh diaper... then when I've chased her around to get her dressed, she wants milk. LOL! We're never where we intend to be at the time we think we will.

[deena]

Don't hate me for saying this :duck but motherhood came really easy for me... well not the childbirth part. But the breastfeeding and the co-sleeping and bonding and mothering and all that. I naturally APed but definitely felt "counter culture". It took me years to realize that I was right all along and they were wrong. I am a positive testament for young parents though because I was just 18. :woohoo

[Elora]

Don't hate me for saying this :duck but motherhood came really easy for me... well not the childbirth part. But the breastfeeding and the co-sleeping and bonding and mothering and all that. I naturally APed but definitely felt "counter culture". It took me years to realize that I was right all along and they were wrong. I am a positive testament for young parents though because I was just 18. :woohoo
Deena this sounds just like my sister! She was a young mom at 18 also and I love how strong her mama instincts were! I cannot STAND when I hear people talking condescendingly about "young moms don't know what they're doing" because I know so many great ones :heart

[zak]

Did you start out APing?
Yep. I found GCM a year before we conceived Reid. We AP'd from the start.

Did the work involved in parenting take you by surprise?
No, not really.

Did you think that your DH would "do more" and were you surprised that you had to bear the majority of the parenting?
No. Hubby will "do" if asked, but he's not one to offer. I knew this going into parenthood with him.

Did anyone else "fear" parenting from other people's advice?
No. I really thought people's perceptions/stories were so wrong (the "mainstream" parenting folks) that I just ignored them. For example, a friend was horrified when I said we didn't need a crib because we'd be cosleeping. Her reply was "Then you'd better be ready to have a 4 year old in your bed", um, ok. :shrug :lol

Or was it "harder" than you thought?
Parenting has not been harder than I expected. :)

[deena]

Don't hate me for saying this :duck but motherhood came really easy for me... well not the childbirth part. But the breastfeeding and the co-sleeping and bonding and mothering and all that. I naturally APed but definitely felt "counter culture". It took me years to realize that I was right all along and they were wrong. I am a positive testament for young parents though because I was just 18. :woohoo
Deena this sounds just like my sister! She was a young mom at 18 also and I love how strong her mama instincts were! I cannot STAND when I hear people talking condescendingly about "young moms don't know what they're doing" because I know so many great ones :heart

:highfive

[RubySlippers]

Did you start out APing?
I suppose. :) It seemed that as soon as my baby was born they wanted to give her vaccinations, which we declined. :shifty I learned quickly that we had to be strong in protecting our child.

Did the work involved in parenting take you by surprise?
Yes. My dh and I both had to adjust. I didn't know breastfeeding would hurt so badly in the beginning, or that it would be so hard to soothe a baby with colic. I also didn't realize I could love someone so much. ;)

Did you think that your DH would "do more" and were you surprised that you had to bear the majority of the parenting?
I didn't have any expectations, really. I just wanted him to "be there". I was very happy with how involved dh was in the baby stages. He walked the floors with our colicky baby, and helped soothe her. I actually preferred that the majority of parenting fell upon me and my mama heart. I found early on that he opted for the easy way, not always the way that was best for the child.

Did anyone else "fear" parenting from other people's advice?
I wasn't afraid of advice, but I questioned and prayed about everything. I read Babywise and came away with "flexible routines are good", because really that was as far as I was willing to go with it. I saw Babywise in practice at the lady's home who lent me the book and was appalled by how legalistic and cold it was. I could see the approach had ripped all the joy out of parenting for her, which was heartbreaking since they had wanted and prayed many years for that baby. She was very much with the program though and would not diverge, though she had many AP-minded moms around her with newborns that modeled a different more peaceful way.
Anyway, as far as other people's advice...I didn't have a problem pitching what didn't seem to work. Of course CIO was suggested because we had a baby with colic, but I knew abandonment is not something God would do to us so it would be inappropriate for us to treat our child that way. Co-sleeping was a natural and I researched SIDS and decided the risks of co-sleeping were minimal in comparison...besides it worked very well for our breastfeeding relationship and need for rest.
Or was it "harder" than you thought?
Some things are hard, like when your children hurt themselves or there's a conundrum to work out, but God gives us wisdom and His ways bring grace and peace to the situation. I'm relieved that parenting is not all drama, drama, drama. Becoming a mother has changed and continues to change me immeasurably and I'm very grateful for that. :)

[Allison]

Did you start out APing? Yes

Did the work involved in parenting take you by surprise? Not until I had more than one child. The work involved when there is more than took me completely by surprise. Perfection was no longer achievable and I had problems adjusting to that.

Did you think that your DH would "do more" and were you surprised that you had to bear the majority of the parenting? My dh did more than I expected him to do. It was hard when he started working 80 hours a week the week after my 3rd was born and I was left doing everything. Of course, I miss his help now.


Did anyone else "fear" parenting from other people's advice? Yes. I was told that baby parenting my first would a lot harder than it was--and he was high needs. No one prepared me for mothering more than one child, though!

Or was it "harder" than you thought? It was much easier than I thought it would be. Again, that is until I had more than one, then it was way harder than I thought it would be.

[Soliloquy]

Did you start out APing? Yes, I discovered AP while I was PG w/ our first. I came across the Sears' books in the library. I am SO thankful God put those books into my hands. I had heard of things like the "family bed" and thought it was crazy. But, when I discovered that the Sears are followers of Chirst, I decided to read their books and it made so much sense to me.

Did the work involved in parenting take you by surprise? The amount of time spent BFing took me by surprise. I had a lot of experience w/ babies and small children, but they were all bottle fed. Since Gracie was a high-needs baby, I wasn't used to that, either.

Did you think that your DH would "do more" and were you surprised that you had to bear the majority of the parenting? Yes, I thought that my DH would do more. He wanted to do more but Gracie got really frightened when I wasn't holding her. She could only be consoled by me. I hadn't expected that. I thought I could pump a bottle of milk and go out for the afternoon.

Did anyone else "fear" parenting from other people's advice? Well, I dreaded it. I knew that we were doing the very best thing for our daughter and our family. I got knots in my stomach when people would suggest I was spoiling her or tell me I needed to go out on a date w/ my husband, sans baby.

Or was it "harder" than you thought? Some things were harder, some things were easier. I was never that tired, even though Gracie didn't sleep through the night until she was 3 years old. I never missed working, not for a second.

[Elora]

Not until I had more than one child. The work involved when there is more than took me completely by surprise. Perfection was no longer achievable and I had problems adjusting to that.
... Again, that is until I had more than one, then it was way harder than I thought it would be.

I keep warning my husband of this :shifty My ds is not quite 9 months old and he's ready to start trying for #2. I don't think he realizes how hard a newborn and an 18 mo. old are (he'd never been around kids til our ds) and he cares for my ds while I"m at work from 7 a.m. - 4 p.m. before he goes to work. It's such a long day for him with one baby. Granted I'm shocked at how well he handles it. Maybe he'd equally suprise me caring for two, but I'm askeered :nails

[zak]

I'm askeered too. But there is no turning back now for me :giggle

[mandieolivia]

Don't hate me for saying this :duck but motherhood came really easy for me... well not the childbirth part. But the breastfeeding and the co-sleeping and bonding and mothering and all that. I naturally APed but definitely felt "counter culture". It took me years to realize that I was right all along and they were wrong. I am a positive testament for young parents though because I was just 18. :woohoo


this is how it was for me, too. i started at 17 when my sister had her first. she always worked and let me do everything. so i raised her dd until she was 8. it just came naturally to me. would have breastfed the girl had i the milk!

[mandieolivia]

I'm askeered too. But there is no turning back now for me :giggle


i really didn't find adjusting from one to two children difficult. what's one more kid on your breast? diaper to change? little person to love and teach?
you will be fine. (i was scared, too! )

[illinoismommy]

I did not start out APing because I had never heard of it, I came into parenting completely "new." The first 6 weeks were harder than I expected, and my son has always been spirited so I guess it has been harder than I expected :think but I don't know because I really didn't have many expectations. However I am not good without sleep so waking every hour would frustrate me even now, and the post partum period is rough because of the frequent waking. None of my friends were parents when I became pregnant. My husband has done plenty to help and he's good like that.