Help. dh and I argued about punishment today. :(

[kiloyd]

DH argued with me today about not punishing ds. I'm not good with words and how to explain to him.

Here's what happened. DS (6) said he was done with his full bowl of cereal b/c it was too soggy. I've been through this before with him. Today I told him that if he was going to waste all that cereal then I wan't going to buy Crispix for awhile.

Then he wanted scrambled eggs. And he wanted to crack them. I told him to do 3 and out of the kitchen for something. When I came back he had done 4 and I said " I told you to do 3" and ds said "oh". We cooked them together and then he only ate a little. I said i was going to save them and warm them up for him at supper.

Dh then says "did you punish him?". I said no and told him what I had told ds. DH then says 'that's the problem you don't punish him and then he's still not listening'. So dh is mad and on top of this I know he is under stress trying to find a job, he' s been out of work for 2 months now.

Can you give me some links on punishment?

have to go, fighting children

[marathonmom]

I have so BTDT :hug
especially with the soggy cereal.

We didn't buy cereal for awhile bec. of that.

Now we really supervise our youngest, and probably will until she is 8 or so. Just give her a small amount in
the bowl. I hate soggy cereal!!

Could your ds help you come up with a posted schedule for meals, so he would know what there is each morning?

Just some thoughts....

[KitKat]

OK, alot is in the wording for men. For my husband if he asked me that, I would not have argued, but told him....

"well, he has to eat eggs again for supper. We don't waste food so I told him he needed to eat the rest later".

I let dh hold onto the word "punishment" for a while. For him, it was his security blanket in knowing that discipline was occuring. After he saw the methods working, then we moved to dropping that word from his vocabulary. So, for instance...

Dd writes on the wall. I have her clean it off. Dh comes home, "did you punish her?"

"Welll, I had her clean up the mess she made and told her that if we write on the walls, we clean them off".

As far as dh is concerned, she was "punished" even though it was "discipline", logical consequences. For some, those two words are interchangeable and they don't understand the difference, so for me, the semantics of it isn't worth the huge fight it can create. I let him hang on to his "blankie" for a while until he got the hang of it, and then explained to him the difference between the two.

[Rabbit]

I think KitKat's way of handling it is great. You can also stick to using the word discipline in response to punishment, without arguing about whose word is right. Dad says, "Did you punish him?" Mom says, "I disciplined him by making him clean it up." (or in the case of the cereal, "I disciplined him by removing cereal from his breakfast choices." and the eggs, "Yes, I disciplined him by serving them again at supper.)

P.S. He only broke one extra egg? :giggle I turned my back for a second, and Samantha managed to crack three extras. We wanted 6 and wound up with 9, all shattered in the bottom of the bowl. We did eat them all.

[kiloyd]

Oh, thank you! I'm glad you could make some sense of that. I was typing with a baby on my lap and two noisy/fighting kids behind me. And needing to finish ds's school.

I was thinking of doing exactly what you said Kitkat, letting dh have his word 'punishment' even though in my head I know I use 'discipline/teaching". I think that would help us a lot. Of course I discipline my chidren, I don't always do a good job , but I'm working on it and they give me new chances every day.

I KNOW that dh is feeling VERY stressed out over not finding a job too. And the day before he found out he did not get a job that he had been on two interviews for. So we are feeling the stress of Daddy being out of work.

But as far as discipline goes I guess I will have to get over my hangup over the word punishment and do as you said. Thanks for your help.

P.S. He only broke one extra egg? :giggle I turned my back for a second, and Samantha managed to crack three extras. We wanted 6 and wound up with 9, all shattered in the bottom of the bowl. We did eat them all.


I really think he was just liking cracking eggs and did one more by mistake, at least that's how I see it, it really wasnt' that big of a deal. It wouldn't have happened if I had stayed in the kitchen.

[ArmsOfLove]

I might say, "I absolutely disciplined him--you bet!"

at the same time . . . what did ds do that required "punishment"? I'm so confused :shifty

[kiloyd]

I might say, "I absolutely disciplined him--you bet!"

at the same time . . . what did ds do that required "punishment"? I'm so confused :shifty


I'm confused too. Guess using too much milk again and not finishing cereal? it had been a few weeks since he had done that. and I guess cracking 4 eggs instead of 3?

I'll have to get over my hangup of the use of the words. I love that, "yes, honey, I disciplined him".

[made4more]

I wouldn't have given him a second option. I would have said "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. Tomorrow you can have scrambled eggs. I hope you eat your cereal, or you will get verrry hungry!"
and left it at that. :shrug

[Rabbit]

Around here, when the food has become inedible (I can't eat soggy cereal either) through a child's actions, we feed the tummy anyway, and find other ways to approach the issue of ruined food.

[KitKat]

Around here, when the food has become inedible (I can't eat soggy cereal either) through a child's actions, we feed the tummy anyway, and find other ways to approach the issue of ruined food.



We do too. For instance, my oldest gets paid a quarter whenever he gets his room cleaned without being asked. So, if he wastes food, he "pays" for it. He gives me a quarter.

For my daughter, she doesn't get to make her own cereal for a while (which she loves preparing her own food when she is capable of it).

[preciousEJ]

I'm in a similar situation and your replies have helped me greatly!

Claire

[mwwr]

:hugheart It's hard to parent with a stressed-out dh breathing down your neck. Like living in a fishbowl.