Oy.. mama source.. stay or go?

[BornFreeBaby]

I am on another forum called mama source - which is kind of like this (but NOT anywhere near as awsome in every aspect!). But the advice people give on breastfeeding and parenting is HORRIBLE. These are all local moms too and someone just recommended BABYWISE!!!! I actually emailed the person who recommended it and gave them a TON of websites about the truth of babywise. All in all I am appalled at the overwhelming and continuing advice to wean wean wean and cry-it-out, cry-it-out cry-it-out that I am hearing on this website! SO I think I may have to leave yet another group because the advice is overwhelmingly awful and focuses on DEtaching from the baby. BUT I feel like I am the one lonely voice out there that someone may actually listen to! I sort of view it as my 'cause' or mission to give these women good information. So in that way I feel like I have to stay so I can be another voice of reason out there... not sure if I should stay and be drained by this or just save my sanity and get off it?

[Close2MyHeart]

For my sanity I needed to leave a group like that. It's hard to read the things they say sometimes, isn't it?

[BornFreeBaby]

Yes! Its very hard to hear someone else give a new mom the advice to let their nursing baby cry for 20 to 30 min! :no2 It makes me sad to know this still happens.

[GodChick]

:nak

i've had to leave mainstream boards for the same reason -- i hear things that shock me . . . until i reme,ber that's the norm and WE (gcm-minded mamas) are the unusual ones. :doh

[zak]

:hug2 I'd leave too. I can't handle stuff like that - tho I totally know what you mean about having a "cause". :hug

[MtnMama]

I'm going through exactly the same thing. The ONLY thing that keeps me there is that it is a local group and there is the potential of meeting likeminded local mamas. (I was referred to this board by one of the mamas... so I guess it's possible there are others out there!)

In the AP support group, there has been a co-sleeping discussion and so many mamas are saying things like, "I just let her cry. it was better that way." And it breaks my heart! I've been censored on that board before (for saying that I don't think it's right to hit children and that I don't believe it is supported by the Bible... that offended Christians, apparently) and I've "left" a few times, but I get pulled back in every so often to counter some really awful advice...

It's hard because I really crave local mamas... but it has been on my heart lately to let go of it. It's hard to do. For me, I feel like it's zapping my energy at times because I have a hard time letting go the awful advice and I wonder how to counter it without being offensive... :sigh

I guess you have to decide if it's too much -- if you come away feeling yucky inside moreso than you come away feeling content, KWIM? I remind myself that no one told me to go to Lily when she cried (quite the contrary), but I felt a pulling inside to trust my instincts and I sought support in that regard. We live in a culture that teaches to ignore your instincts because it is too inconvenient and I'm finding out that it's taking away too much of my brain to attempt to counter it.

[blessedw/4]

:yes Have had to make this same decision a time or two ...
One thing that helped me is remembering that my first assignment from God is to care for my family, if I can do that and still help others find their way to attachment parenting GREAT ... but if my time trying to help other parents is draining me of the energy that my kids need me to have then I have to put my family first. I have resolved to pray for those caught up in the Ezzo type parenting. We serve a really really big God ... he knows ... and he will provide a voice of reason to those parents, he'll just use a voice other than mine for the time being. Its late :yawn ... hope that all made sense ... sometimes tired typing can be confusing

:heart

[BornFreeBaby]

:yes Have had to make this same decision a time or two ...
One thing that helped me is remembering that my first assignment from God is to care for my family, if I can do that and still help others find their way to attachment parenting GREAT ... but if my time trying to help other parents is draining me of the energy that my kids need me to have then I have to put my family first. I have resolved to pray for those caught up in the Ezzo type parenting. We serve a really really big God ... he knows ... and he will provide a voice of reason to those parents, he'll just use a voice other than mine for the time being. Its late :yawn ... hope that all made sense ... sometimes tired typing can be confusing


Made perfect sense. Thank you for this. You are right in that I need to take care of my family first.

[CapeTownMommy]

I totally understand the conflict you're experiencing. I get it on some other boards I visit too. I want to tell people the truth about babywise, about spanking, about a lot of things. But I also know that the battle can drain me emotionally and leave me less able to care for dd. I only have so much emotional energy, and some days I need it all to be able to parent effectively. Good on you for at least trying, but I for one will totally understand if you leave.

[BornFreeBaby]

Thanks to everyone who replied. I am glad I am not the only one :banghead I feel good when I can offer information that others may not know about and a different point of view than the mainstream. Yet hearing the other responses makes me upset and angry and I just don't need that right now. So I decided to stop getting emails from this board all together. If I have time and energy I will go back and check it out- but I don't want to get the updates and email anymore- sort of out of sight out of mind!

[MaybeGracie]

You know, though...it was someone on a mainstream board, the "weird" mom in our group, who first introduced me to babywearing. And from there, I came to learn more about extended reastfeeding, co-sleeping, general attachment parenting, and, well, now my adorable son is in his very first cloth diaper as we speak (type? :giggle). My research into all of that led me by chance to GCM, where I learned about gbd and changed my opinion on spanking and other punitive parenting methods. All of that stemmed from one mom who wouldn't stop talking about how she was going to wear her baby instead of using a stroller. :) Come to think of it...I've never thanked her for it. I think it's time I did. :yes

[BornFreeBaby]

You know, though...it was someone on a mainstream board, the "weird" mom in our group, who first introduced me to babywearing. And from there, I came to learn more about extended reastfeeding, co-sleeping, general attachment parenting, and, well, now my adorable son is in his very first cloth diaper as we speak (type? :giggle). My research into all of that led me by chance to GCM, where I learned about gbd and changed my opinion on spanking and other punitive parenting methods. All of that stemmed from one mom who wouldn't stop talking about how she was going to wear her baby instead of using a stroller. :) Come to think of it...I've never thanked her for it. I think it's time I did. :yes


Same here. A mom on a mainstream board said it was okay to sleep with my baby when she screamed at night. And I was relieved and found GCM from her. I think that our voices can sometimes be heard and that is why I do want to keep going back every now and then and shake things up! LOL I guess you never know who is lurking and who could come away with new information- even if everyone on the board diss'es you.

[MtnMama]

:yes Just yesterday, someone posted a "cry or not to cry" in the AP sub-forum of a local mama group, and I posted that I don't let my daughter cry without at least reflecting her feelings -- I never ignore them. All others were saying they ignore a lot or most of the crying :no2. Anyway, someone asked me a lot of indepth questions and I answered them, but she asked one that got a :giggle from me because she wanted to know how I got Lily to not cry after I left the room for her to go to sleep. I responded that I don't leave her until she's asleep. That got a :jawdrop and from what she said after that, I could tell she was :scratch a bit and I realized that she never considered to just stay with the child until they go to sleep -- she went on and on about how beautiful of a thought it was to make going to sleep a cozy place instead of the baby crying to sleep. (I mean, yeah... I was actually surprised at the number of moms whose babies cried to sleep :cry.)

That kind of moment gives me a "so this is why I should stay and lurk" kind of feeling. Maybe it will help someone else think twice about it?

[shercurrie]

:yes Just yesterday, someone posted a "cry or not to cry" in the AP sub-forum of a local mama group, and I posted that I don't let my daughter cry without at least reflecting her feelings -- I never ignore them. All others were saying they ignore a lot or most of the crying :no2. Anyway, someone asked me a lot of indepth questions and I answered them, but she asked one that got a :giggle from me because she wanted to know how I got Lily to not cry after I left the room for her to go to sleep. I responded that I don't leave her until she's asleep. That got a :jawdrop and from what she said after that, I could tell she was :scratch a bit and I realized that she never considered to just stay with the child until they go to sleep -- she went on and on about how beautiful of a thought it was to make going to sleep a cozy place instead of the baby crying to sleep. (I mean, yeah... I was actually surprised at the number of moms whose babies cried to sleep :cry.)

That kind of moment gives me a "so this is why I should stay and lurk" kind of feeling. Maybe it will help someone else think twice about it?


Wow, that was on an AP board? :hunh :scratch That makes me kinda sad.

[MtnMama]

:yes Just yesterday, someone posted a "cry or not to cry" in the AP sub-forum of a local mama group, and I posted that I don't let my daughter cry without at least reflecting her feelings -- I never ignore them. All others were saying they ignore a lot or most of the crying :no2. Anyway, someone asked me a lot of indepth questions and I answered them, but she asked one that got a :giggle from me because she wanted to know how I got Lily to not cry after I left the room for her to go to sleep. I responded that I don't leave her until she's asleep. That got a :jawdrop and from what she said after that, I could tell she was :scratch a bit and I realized that she never considered to just stay with the child until they go to sleep -- she went on and on about how beautiful of a thought it was to make going to sleep a cozy place instead of the baby crying to sleep. (I mean, yeah... I was actually surprised at the number of moms whose babies cried to sleep :cry.)

That kind of moment gives me a "so this is why I should stay and lurk" kind of feeling. Maybe it will help someone else think twice about it?


Wow, that was on an AP board? :hunh :scratch That makes me kinda sad.


I know... it's a very mainstream local mama group with a sub-forum for AP, so most of the moms are not AP, but post there since it's public to the board. Same thing with the breastfeeding sub-forum. Someone will ask a question and several ff mamas will answer with a, "Well, I never breastfed, but what I would do is..."

I am such a freak of nature on that board. :giggle

[Rabbit]

I'm on a mainstream local board, too. When I need to, I stay out of those sections of the board that deal with parenting. When I feel inspired or safe enough, I peruse those forums. My post count there just hit 50, and I've been there for about 3 months less than I've been here. Doesn't that say something. I use the board to make and find playdates, and things going on around town, so that I'm connected, but not overwhelmed.

[MtnMama]

Oh, goodness. I feel so sick to my stomach right now. After reading a post on the "to cry or not to cry" that I mentioned earlier, I think I'm going to have to just go away from that site. :sick The stuff people do to their children, BABIES, in the name of "helping them be independent" is just.... very, very sad. :cry