Spoiled

[beatlemommy]

How do you keep kids from getting spoiled? Not from my husband and I. We make good money, but with a family of five, we just barely make it sometimes. We have a lot of medical bills. Anyway my husband and my parents are both able to give the kids A LOT. DH's parents live only a couple hours away, and we live 2 seconds away from mine. Both sets of grandparents have pools. Both sets do elaborate birthday parties/Christmas, etc etc. The kids get a lot a lot of the time. My parents take us out for dinners a lot. Since we are always so strapped, it is a required that we take them up on the offer, and we enjoy it too. Just this last week we ate out (this is embarrassing) 4 times with them! And it is not McDonald's either. It is pretty nice places, regularly. They drop off treats a lot too. The kids have just about every conceivable toy. It is getting to the point that during one of the million fun activities they get to do, they are asking what is next! :hunh How do I even begin to slow this train down? I am so grateful for what family has done for us, and don't want to seem bratty by trying to stop it all at once. I also though, don't want my kids growing up with such high ?expectations? all the time. I am afraid it will lead to a lot of dissapointment later. When does it become too much?

[mamaKristin]

(you could always send stuff here ;))

seriously, though, have you had a conversation about this with them? That would probably be a good starting point, you know "we really appreciate all that you do for the kids, however...." I know for some people buying for others is a way they like to express love and affection, but it can really be hard when the constant 'getting' can turn the relationship into a means to get stuff. Which even the most generous grandparent wouldn't want as the end result.

[Rea T]

Could you suggest gently that your children are being overwhelmed with all the 'stuff'' and that rather than continue to give them things that may not be thoroughly enjoyed they scale back and instead make a once a year contribution to a 529 plan or education IRA for each child? Toys and stuff will be forgotten, but when those kids hit college age they will be much more thankful to have funding for part of their education.

[AmyDoll]

I think what you're worried about is the kids growing up with a sense of entitlement? How about incorporating some giving into their lives? Have them gather some toys & clothes to give to the less fortunate. Our HS group goes to the nursing home to sing and visit the elderly. They can pick up trash on your street or in the park or something. I'm sure you could think of some good ideas that are more local & specific to where your interests lie :)

[SouthPaw]

AmyDoll, I love your ideas! :kiss

[illinoismommy]

I think what you're worried about is the kids growing up with a sense of entitlement? How about incorporating some giving into their lives? Have them gather some toys & clothes to give to the less fortunate. Our HS group goes to the nursing home to sing and visit the elderly. They can pick up trash on your street or in the park or something. I'm sure you could think of some good ideas that are more local & specific to where your interests lie :)


Those are good ideas....

maybe you could inspire your parents to put some of that toy money into savings bonds for the kids because that would have more lasting value :think

[cheri]

This is a public forum, so I won't elaborate too much, but I will say that we're having an issue with a couple of family members spending way too much money on things that dd doesn't need (like excessive amounts of toys, designer clothes, etc)

I feel like they are trying to buy love. That's just our issue, though... it may not be yours. We've been trying to talk more about what dd does need... such as quality time and if they want to give dd $100, let's give her $100 to put in her savings account and don't spend it on a $100 outfit. Or when she's older and understands... let's donate it or volunteer.

[hopeforchange]

i know a lot of mamas have the rule that for every new thing that comes into the house, one old thing must go. so if you get a new shirt, then an old shirt must go. maybe if you apply that to your dcs' toys, then they could give away toys every time they get new ones :) kind of like what amydoll was saying!

[beatlemommy]

Thank you to everyone for the ideas. I think I do need to have a talk with the folks. I think my parent's will be receptive (sort of). The good thing about my parent's is the do as much quality as they do quantity. The boys know they are adored by them. I think they will probably reluctantly agree that we need to slow it down a bit. AmyDoll, you hit it on the head. I am very worried about them having a sense of entitlement. All had good ideas, thanks again. :)