PDA

View Full Version : He's still 3 - Magic Words? Help!


AmyDoll
09-04-2007, 05:57 PM
Sam has started lying - I know it's not *really* lying - but can someone please 'spain this to me (again). Today - we went to the park in the morning. When we came home - I told Sam to go potty & wash his hands for lunch. He went into the bathroom & flushed w/o going (he was too fast) and then told me he did both things. Well, his hands were disgusting from the mulch, so that was a no brainer and he clearly had to pee. What's the deal?
It's no big whoop - except that it's annoying when he does that and makes it all the way to the table with his sandwich in his grubby hands before I realize he told a tale.

So why is he doing it? How long will it last?

J3K
09-04-2007, 06:08 PM
I usually said "Go do it again." Then if needed "Let me help you." If it carried on too much I would say " Are we playing a game where you say you did something and you didn't ? Because I can tell you didn't wash your hands. They are dirty. I know you couldn't be lying...so it must be a game. I wanna play too. Let's see...I have horse feet. NO really...I do."

By bringing attention to the fact he didn't wash , yet making it a game...I found with my son that was better than addressing the lying.

Part of it is just being three. And when you are that young , imagination is still so powerful if he SAYS it , it is a reality in his mind. A monster MUST be under the bed, because he said it out loud.

When the lying got really bad I addressed it bluntly. (When he was about six he went thru another phase). "You are lying to me and I don't appreciate it. Go do what I asked you to do. Do you need my help ?".

When he was ten he tried it again and I bluntly told him "When you lie to me it breaks my trust in what you say. Don't lie again."

Psyche
09-04-2007, 07:19 PM
I came across this blog that a poster posted on a different message board. Maybe it'll be useful to you:

http://www.gracefulparenting.blogspot.com/

ArmsOfLove
09-05-2007, 07:52 AM
A few things I say:
Is that the truth or the truth the way you wish it was?
I can see clearly that you did not do it, I'm not discussing it, go do it.
Get playful--What is wrong with our water that mulch is coming out? Let's go check this and see if it happens again--and while we're there why don't you get the REST of your pee out ;)
Prove it--go prove you can't get more pee out :)
That is untruth and I can tell because of ________ . Mommy needs ONLY truth from you. I have to keep you safe in life and that is the only way I can help you. Do you need my help right now?

J3K
09-05-2007, 11:13 AM
crystal , out of curiousity why don't you use the word "lie" ? Why the word "untruth" instead ? Just a preference , or does that just work better for your kids ?

Just wondering... (I :heart the suggestion about playful parenting "is mulch coming out of our faucets ??" that was funny)

ArmsOfLove
09-05-2007, 11:45 AM
actually, it's because when I've studied what the Bible defines as lying that the Lord hates I really believe it is untruth told with malicious intent. I don't believe that's what my children are doing at these young ages :heart That's why the midwives who told the untruth that the babies came too fast for them to kill them were rewarded, and the women who hid Jews, and Christians who protected Jews in the Holocaust, etc. are not guilty of "lying" even though they technically spoke untruth. To me it's a huge distinction!

I also have a close family member who struggled for years with compulsive "lying" and coming to realize that it was personal issues and struggles that led to the untruth and not malicious intent--that it was a case of someone who felt bad, acting bad--has really helped me to forgive and love and trust :heart

J3K
09-05-2007, 07:06 PM
fascinating ! I've always wondered why those people that lied in the Bible were rewarded. I've heard it called "white lies" but that seems like an oxymoron to me.

Thanks for the explanation. The next time I catch one of my children in an "untruth" I will call it such. (If there is no mal-intent behind it)