Do you respond when...

[Crawfish Monica]

other parents threaten to spank their kids in front of your child(ren)? My child is 3 and I do not want him to learn what spankings are until he is much older. It's just a harsh reality of life that I don't want him to see. We have been staying with a family this weekend with two older children 11 and 9. The parents have threatened to spank their children 3 times in front of my child. These are big children, the oldest is actually as tall as I am. If the parents had made good on their promise, I know how traumatic it would have been for me. How much worse would that have been for my child?

I guess it is two different questions:
1. What, if anything would you do if a parent threatens to spank their child in front of your child?
2. What, if anything would you do if a parent did spank their child in front of your child?

[mamaKristin]

Generally, when that happens (and it's been very rarely), I will guide my kids away from what's going on. It's never happened in my home, and that would bring a different response than in someone's else's place or a neutral spot. I handle questions as needed, reassure my children, and distract them. All of the 'spankers' I know will take a child out of the room if they are going to spank...then again, I've hardly even experienced that. That must have been really icky. :hug2

[AdrienneQW]

I posted here before that my DS saw a child get spanked a few months back, and it really was traumatic for him. The mom was very angry and was whacking her kid as she was dragging him away. Dexter was completely stricken - "But that's her boy, Mommy, and she hit him! Mommies are supposed to love their boys!" He has mentioned it several times since then, usually at bedtime when his defenses are down and all the things on his little heart bubble to the surface. I *so* wish he had never seen that. :bheart

As for your question, my response would depend on the situation. Honestly, I don't know if I could stay with that family. Obviously being in their home I would feel obligated to respect their family rules and values to a certain extent, but that's a line I'm not really willing to cross.

[MarynMunchkins]

:think We have family that spank. I let them know that we don't and ask them to be mindful of it and not expose my children to it. Generally, they've been very kind (to me), and taken their children out of the room.

[Joanne]

We have been staying with a family this weekend with two older children 11 and 9. The parents have threatened to spank their children 3 times in front of my child. These are big children, the oldest is actually as tall as I am. If the parents had made good on their promise, I know how traumatic it would have been for me. How much worse would that have been for my child?

I would not stay with this family. I think spanking kids of that age is abuse. Not reportable, CPS abuse, but abuse. It's poor discipline to threaten kids old enough to menstruate and grow pubic hair with spanking instead of actually *discipline* them. The fact that you've heard the threats several times in a short stay is a red flag. It would tell me that the family tone/dynamic is not something I'd want my family immersed in viewing.

I guess it is two different questions:
1. What, if anything would you do if a parent threatens to spank their child in front of your child?

Leave.


"We do not spank in our family. This is your home and I respect that, but I will have to remove my child from hearing the threat of spanking."

2. What, if anything would you do if a parent did spank their child in front of your child?

[Crawfish Monica]

All of these responses have been helpful. Thank you. I was starting to feel like my realty testing wasn't working. Don't even the Ezzo's say that there is a age at which people should stop spanking? The whole tone of the home was very disrespectful. The mom told her nine year old daughter that she was "stupid" for taking a shower as we left the beach and were loading the car. I felt this was not only rude toward the daughter but to me, as well. I was sandy and itchy and didn't want to sit that way on the way back to the house.

Furthermore, she would yell at my child for stuff he really shouldn't be held responsibile handling.