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View Full Version : What to do about behavior when the phone rings?


GrowingInGrace
09-01-2007, 07:58 AM
I know the phone is a magnet. Every time it rings, no matter who it is, someone is always interrupting. 10 times in a conversation. I know better than to MAKE a phone call when they are not otherwise occupied, but what about when a phone call comes in I HAVE to take?

No matter how many times I try to tell them to stop interrupting, they keep interrupting. Dd1 is the worst. She's 5.5.

And it never fails that someone hurts someone else when I'm on the phone. So another interruption.

I don't care if the phone call is just to chat. I apologize to the caller, and tell them I have to go.

But I've had some important phone calls to take -for instance from dd2s preschool director and others. I don't want to tell her to call back later.

I had just let the girls outside for a bit in the front yard. A very important phone call came through about dd2's preschool. I was talking to the director of the school about her possible emotional issues, then she and my dd3 were clinging to my legs, crying, fussing, carrying on. I picked up dd3 to get her to be quiet, kept telling dd2 to hush and wait til I was off the phone. Every time I tried to put dd3 down, she started crying again. Dd3 was like "who is it, who is it, who is it..." It's not like I could have walked away from them as we were outside and I needed to watch them. Or yell at them to knock it off (because the director was on the phone). It was awful and embarrassing.

The only thing that made it better was the director understanding the clinginess as she had a very clingy son when he was 3-4. He would be behave in whatever way (good or bad) that got him the most of her attention. If he got time-out, that was okay, because the way she did time out whas to sit with him. So he misbehaved in order to get closer to her. I asked her if he had grown out of it yet. She said, I hope so, he's 22 !!!!

If we were inside, I've literally gone into my bedroom and closed the door. But then they are all at the door banging to get in. I don't understand how they can ignore me when I'm not on the phone for periods of time, but as soon as it rings, they are at my heels.

What do I do? How do I gracefully tell them to knock it off? Because the "nice" ways of telling them "you have to wait" just doesn't work.

milkmommy
09-01-2007, 08:09 AM
DO you ever practice when someones not calling? Role play with them?

Deanna

Ali
09-01-2007, 08:33 AM
I have done practice times with my DS. I'll pretend to be on the phone (he doesn't know I'm pretending) and then I'm able to really talk to and work with him about what he needs to do when I'm on the phone and actually help him practice better behaviors. He kind of gets the idea that I can still help him listen and comply, even if I'm on the phone.

I just started talking with him about an idea for when I'm on the phone or in a face-to-face conversation with someone. I have told him he can come up and squeeze my hand, rather than yell "Mom! Mom!" in my face. Then I squeeze back so he knows I know he needs something and then he needs to wait quietly while I excuse myself from the conversation as soon as I can to attend to him. I think it will be awhile before he has the patience to do that, but I hope it will be helpful in the future. And I think that will help for valid needs, but still A LOT of his interrupting is just because I am focused on something besides him and that makes him nutty! So I am :popcorn for more ideas!

GrowingInGrace
09-01-2007, 08:59 AM
No, haven't practiced. I never thought to. Maybe it would work :shrug. I hope...

euromom
09-01-2007, 10:54 AM
:popcorn

Marielle
09-01-2007, 11:05 AM
we have similar issues and the sheer # of times needed to remind him that I need to finish something on the phone but can still see what he is doing is exhausting. I like the idea of the hand signal Ali and am going to use that with my oldest now especially for IRL convos.

marathonmom
09-01-2007, 11:46 AM
I think it is a challenge when you you have toddlers and preschoolers. :hug

A couple things that have helped us...

1) Whenever the phone rings, I'll quickly say in a big voice, "Oh there's the phone! Everybody quiet while mom is on the phone." Just
as a reminder.

2) Keeping a box of toys that you only take out when Mom is on the phone.

3) If they need to talk to you, they can come and put their hand on your arm. You put your hand on theirs as
an acknowldgement of their need to talk to you.

4) Setting a timer. If they know you'll (hopefully) be off in a certain period of time (your 3 year old may be able to read the timer)
it may be easier for them.

Joanne
09-03-2007, 08:20 AM
The most effective thing I did with the phone was to impose this policy:

Anything you ask for when I am on the phone, the answer is no.

allisonintx
09-03-2007, 08:22 AM
I walk outside with the phone, and I also have the "no is the answer" policy.

Marsha
09-03-2007, 09:27 AM
Oh I've given up on phone calls. I tell people to email me. And I make a large number of calls the one day that my 5 yo who is the bigest culprit is at her mother's day out. And one reason why she still MUST go even though we are homeschooling.
She doesn't really ASK for anything, she come sup and talks to me incessantly in my face (she also does IRL too which is why I kind of hate being around people sometimes) and if all else fails, she hurts her sister and makes her SCREAM as only a two year old girl can do, and then cry and then she comes and tells me about i t REALLY LOUD (the 5 yo I mean). I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what to do about so many things w/my 5 yo really.
But the phone thing has gotten so bad since Ri was born two years ago, I barely talk to anybody anymore.

GrowingInGrace
09-03-2007, 11:44 AM
Yeah, it's not only the asking for things. I forgot about that. Dd will come up to tattle about whatever the other two are up to. Or to ask who's on the phone, or if next tuesday we can _____, or to let me know she's going potty, or just sit with me and jabber beside me...


Marsha - I agree that emailing can be a great way to go.
I emailed the principle of her school the other day, because there was no way I was going to be able to ask questions and get clear answers regarding their contingency plan I have to fill out a part of (what to do with my daughter in the event they have an early dismissal due to and emergency or due to a school event). I got this great, written, detailed plan from the principle and didn't have to apologize for wasting his time on a constantly interrupted conversation.

I'm just trying to figure out ideas so I don't snap at her while on the phone...because I've done that too and only make myself sound like a horrible mother).

We did a trial on a phone call today. She got that she needed to squeeze my hand, but then still expected me to respond to her right then. So we need to work on the waiting part...

GrowingInGrace
09-03-2007, 11:47 AM
But the phone thing has gotten so bad since Ri was born two years ago, I barely talk to anybody anymore.


:hugheart

I'd talk to you. We could have contests to see who can outlast the children...

milkmommy
09-03-2007, 12:04 PM
We do't often have phone issues anymore :phew but when I do its almost never because shees asking me for something its jsut shes suddenly needs to tell me......XXXYYY.

Deanna

Marsha
09-03-2007, 01:10 PM
But the phone thing has gotten so bad since Ri was born two years ago, I barely talk to anybody anymore.


:hugheart

I'd talk to you. We could have contests to see who can outlast the children...


Well, it would be like the phone calls to my sis, I bet. She has an 8 yr old with a similar temperament to my 5 yo and a one yar old. WE talk to the kids and each other and manage to stay on track most of the time. I trynot to subject anyone else to that though. And like a PP said, I end u p snapping and making myself sound like a bad mom !