If you could ask Crystal any question you wanted to....

[Wonder Woman]

what would it be?

Crystal is in the middle of compiling some age-specific answers for Grace-Based Discipline, and needs some good questions ;)

So, ask her whatever you'd like!

Please note:
By asking questions in this thread, you are permitting Crystal/AOLFF to utilize these questions and her answers for publication, either in her website or in forthcoming books. No names or other identifying information of yours will be used.

Come on, try to stump her ;)

[Close2MyHeart]

How do I help my kids to stop complaining every time I ask them to do something??? It's driving me crazy!

[illinoismommy]

This probably won't help the website, but I really want to know what is the difference between Biblical Parenting (the book) and Grace... something about Family (the new book) ?

I'd like to see more on two and three year olds :shifty

What about Bossy three year olds? It isn't any fun to play with them because they are so bossy "sit there.... play with this...."

hmmm I can't think of anything really good though, things are well here .... weird how my mind is blank during these times :O

[thomer]

How do you 'help' your kids do something (like cleaning up spilt juice or whatever) if they run away screaming when you try to help them. Or fight back.

[allisonintx]

What about the 10yo who says "I won't do it and you can't make me" and doesn't care one whit if it means that he has zero privilidges.

[AdrienneQW]

If you could ask Crystal any question you wanted to....

...will you please come live with us for a month? Oh, and bring Joanne. ;)

[Radosny Matka]

What do I do to help my 2 year old stop hitting/pinching/pulling my 6 year old's hair?

How do I help my undirectable, unconsolable 2 year old when he is upset? I could easily tell my first, "this is not a toy, play with x" Or, 'sand stays in the sandbox, here, put the sand in this." My 2 year old is dead-set on doing what he wants to do, no matter what. No redirection works. He gets "stuck' in what he wants to do. Comfort corner does not work. Hugging him doesn't help. Deep breathing with him doesn't work. It seems like I have to stand on the side, reflect feelings, and let him scream until he's calm. Is there anything ELSE I can do? I hate leaving him to cry. (so,, was that looong enough for you :shifty )

[HomeWithMyBabies]

If you could ask Crystal any question you wanted to....

...will you please come live with us for a month? Oh, and bring Joanne. ;)


Yeah that. :giggle And although it doesn't help the website any I would like to know if you ever slip up and say something mean or yell at the kids. :shifty

[Novella]

How do I help my 33 month old direct his frustration and anger in a better way? RE: stop hitting his sister; stop hitting momma and daddy

How do I teach my son that football tackling our friends is not good play for everyone?

How do you get Crystal to come live with you and teach you everything that she knows? ;)

[booboo]

Okay I have one. Piglet is very oppositional and we know it's a part of her issues. What do I do if she does refuse to do what she's told (brush her teeth, etc) and I know it's defiance..something that doesn't involve punishment?

Oh yeah, can you come here too for a week? I'll even take a weekend if you're free! :giggle

[Chris3jam]

How to "make it happen" with older children? How to "redeem the time" when starting GBD 'late' (as in, the children are older)? How to get over the effects of 'bad parenting' the early years? How to assume authority, when you feel you have none?

[RealLifeMama]

If you could ask Crystal any question you wanted to....

...will you please come live with us for a month? Oh, and bring Joanne. ;)


Doh, you took mine!

[Aisling]

How do you give firm limits to an exceptionally independent, capable 36mo who wants to do everything adults (mowing, using the stove, bathing her babies, checking the mail, sewing) do without totally crushing her independent spirit? (I'm talking about a truly spirited child with a very strong personality...no gate is too high, and no natural consequence seems as strong as her desire to participate independently in the adult world...it's truly do or die!)

[Spanish Rose]

What do you do when your 12 year old is screaming because he's having a panic attack, but the noise gives your 15 year old a panic attack and everything goes downhill from there? Or even more generally, what do you do when one child's acting up feeds another child and the room turns into a circus? They're all really good on their own or in pairs of 12/15 or 10/15, but put the younger two together and it's just fighting fighting fighting. And it's even worse when all three are together.

How do you deal with the 9-12 year old girl's attitude?

What do you do when everything you say to your 10yo daughter is percieved as critical?

[AdrienneQW]

How do you give firm limits to an exceptionally independent, capable 36mo who wants to do everything adults (mowing, using the stove, bathing her babies, checking the mail, sewing) do without totally crushing her independent spirit? (I'm talking about a truly spirited child with a very strong personality...no gate is too high, and no natural consequence seems as strong as her desire to participate independently in the adult world...it's truly do or die!)
What a passionate soul - she sounds wonderful. :heart

[blessedwithboys]

How would you encourage siblings to form friendships with each other?

[euromom]

How do you 'help' your kids do something (like cleaning up spilt juice or whatever) if they run away screaming when you try to help them. Or fight back.


Or ball their hands in a fist when you use your hands to gently 'help' them start picking something up they threw down but were refusing to pick up and are now refusing even more by hiding their fingers in a fist to not be able to pick it up.

[cindergretta]

How do you do "you hit, you sit" when the child hits you and then when you try to "sit them" they continue to hit/kick/punch/scratch? And bear-hugging causes them to feel rage? (Not like- I'm feeling snarky, don't touch me- but honest rage b/c they are totally ramped up?)

[GodChick]

I'd ask Kristy's question. :/

Also how you "make it happen," with the same type of behavior.

[Serafine]

I'd ask Kristy's question. :/

Also how you "make it happen," with the same type of behavior.


:yes2 this is mine too... :yes2

[TwinMommy03]

What do you do when you ask a child to do something and then ask him if he needs help (5 steps), only he wants you to help him do everything and won't do anything on his own?? :shifty Did that make sense? :shifty

[Dana Joy]

strategies for applying gbd to children with special needs

[kazoo]

How do you do "you hit, you sit" when the child hits you and then when you try to "sit them" they continue to hit/kick/punch/scratch? And bear-hugging causes them to feel rage? (Not like- I'm feeling snarky, don't touch me- but honest rage b/c they are totally ramped up?)


ditto

[Eowyn]

In addition to being a destination on the Crystal and Joanne Nationwide Tour, ;) I'd like to know how I'm supposed to make it happen with a child who's an expert at wiggling out of every hold, and is as strong as I am.

[apmommy]

How do I help my 3 year old with the transition to the new baby?

[hopeforchange]

what are some of the first things you should teach your babies (9 to 18 months)? is re-direction the only appropriate tool or are there other things you can start implementing? is it possible to become child-centered and permissive with one that age?


If you could ask Crystal any question you wanted to....

...will you please come live with us for a month? Oh, and bring Joanne. ;)



yeah, that too :lol

[Tengokujin]

This isn't an age specific question, but it would be lovely to see a step-by-step devotional/spiritual guide to thansforming and renewing one's mind from a punitive to GBD mindset--a 12 step program type thing!

[Jenjardin]

How to "make it happen" with older children? How to "redeem the time" when starting GBD 'late' (as in, the children are older)? How to get over the effects of 'bad parenting' the early years? How to assume authority, when you feel you have none?


Ditto


This isn't an age specific question, but it would be lovely to see a step-by-step devotional/spiritual guide to thansforming and renewing one's mind from a punitive to GBD mindset--a 12 step program type thing!


Ditto again

[mom2boys]

How do I start in the middle?

Which is, how do I mend my fences with my older children and begin to parent them more gently? I find myself falling back into familiar routines with them, and yet not with the littler boys.

ETA: I see...already asked by a pp! doh! :lol

[Whisperlily]

When my firstborn DD was an infant, I would have asked this question:

"What do you do when a healthy baby refuses to be comforted and cries for hours on end even while being held? The Pediatrician says she's fine, growing and gaining very well, and that some babies need to cry to relieve stress. I'm opposed to letting her CIO, but what do I do? Is it ever wrong to set her down while crying? I can't even take a shower or fix a meal.

[Niphredil]

When my firstborn DD was an infant, I would have asked this question:

"What do you do when a healthy baby refuses to be comforted and cries for hours on end even while being held? The Pediatrician says she's fine, growing and gaining very well, and that some babies need to cry to relieve stress. I'm opposed to letting her CIO, but what do I do? Is it ever wrong to set her down while crying? I can't even take a shower or fix a meal.


Add 'doesn't like to be worn while awake' and that's my question too.

[Chris3jam]

This isn't an age specific question, but it would be lovely to see a step-by-step devotional/spiritual guide to thansforming and renewing one's mind from a punitive to GBD mindset--a 12 step program type thing! :yes :yes :yes :yes :yes :yes

I caught myself just today, trying to talk to the kids about their horrible behaviour, and consequences. And I blurted out, "What did God do when Adam and Eve sinned? Did He say, 'Oh, it's ok Adam. . . I see that Eve *made* you sin. And Eve, I understand that the serpent tempted you and you were weak and he made you sin.' NO! He did not! He kicked them out of the Garden! They and all of us now are paying the consequences for what Adam and Eve did!" :blush :blush :blush I SO wish I could find different ways to phrase things rather than wield them as weapons! I hear my mom's voice :shiver :shiver :sick2 coming out of my mouth. . . with the "God is going to get you" type of flavor. :sick How to stop that punitive mindseret?

[CapeTownMommy]

How do I get my 10-month old to stop hurting me? Seriously, I can't hold her without being physically hurt in some way - pulling hair, pinching, scratching, etc. And none of it is done maliciously, she's just playing with mommy. I've tried redirecting, but she won't play with a toy while I'm holding her, she wants to play with my body, and she cries if I put her down.

[bliss]

I would love to see information on stepchildren, esp. when you come into a blended family with kids that have been "set in a way" for a number of years and then when things change (households combine and set family rules to include both sets of kids) things get ugly...or how to keep them from getting ugly in the first place!