He's shouting at me all the time...

[CrazyChick]

...and i just cant take it anymore - i am regularly breaking down in tears because of it and i really dont know what to do!! :cry

to try and give you an typical example....( ds is 2yrs 3mths) this morning i am trying to get ready to go out to take him somewhere which he finds fun - obviously getting ready takes some time - having shower making us breakfast etc at all i hear is 'mummy i want belly button' -he wants me to just sit there while he plays with my belly button) :giggle 'mummy stop that' 'mummy come here', 'mummy stand there', 'mummy stop cleaning', when i stop for him and stand to watch him like he wants or whatever it is - 'no mummy stand HERE SCREAM!!!' -opps naughty mummy is not standing in quite the right place!! :shrug then when i stop doing what he wants and start getting ready again cos i'm getting stressed about being ready on time (we were meeting my mum at a certain time and she get stressed if we are late etc) this is when the complete screaming fit starts and he runs round after me screaming like I tried to kill him and grappling me - then i just sit down feeling overwhelmed and like i just cant take it anymore and sink into a world of despairing tears!!

I feel guilty cos he just wants my attention but i really cant give him my attention all day long i NEED to do stuff - housework, get ready to go out etc - is this too much to ask? am i being selfish or stupid for wanting to do the housework, get ready properly to go out? Is he like this cos i am a bad mum and not paying him enough attention at other times or are a lot of kids this intense - i just feel like a failure all the time and all i do is run round trying to keep everyone happy - i could easily do less housework (i'm not a fan of it at all) but then my husband gets annoyed when the house is messy so i have to keep it at a certain level of acceptability to be a good wife but am i not being a good mum if i do the housework at the expense of giving ds my attention - i do try and involove him in housework stuff but he has only a limited interest in it! TIA for any thoughts! :)

[kazoo]

ITU about not making anyone happy. Child happier, house messier, husband disgruntled. House cleaner, mother more frazzled, husband still disgruntled b/c mother just wants to unload child on husband and escape for some quiet time at end of day. I think the first thing that helps me to remember is that it's not my job to make sure everyone is happy. It is my job to make sure that I'm a good parent, that my DS and DH know they are loved. Your DS is your only DC, according to your sig -- my DS is also an only child, so I'm aware that he does need quality interaction and even "entertainment" from me.

I don't have a problem with saying "I'm sorry, I love you, but right now I am finishing ____. I will play later." He's older (4 yo), but for a while now, he's been able to understand "first we will ____, then we will ____." So perhaps you could try "first we will clean up the kitchen. Then we will play a game." You could maybe also offer "if you would like to help, the kitchen will be clean faster," or "would you like to play in the bubbles while we wash dishes?" -- something to help him be constructively occupied. Then when you've played together for 10 min or some reasonable amount of time, you can say, "OK, we can play for 2 more minutes, and then I need to do ___. What would you like to play for 2 more minutes?" This is hard for me, personally - I have to really force myself to be attentive and present in the moment, instead of thinking of what I need to do next.

Do you have any other friends with kids his age? Maybe it would be helpful to get together so your DC can play and you can talk, or if he plays rough with others and you have to be more attentive, you still gain the opportunity for him to interact with other kids.

You shouldn't feel guilty. If you know you are giving him quality time in little chunks throughout the day, you can know you are being fair with him. His unhappiness may be an indicator that you need to change things, but even if you're the best and most balanced mother in the world etc etc, he might still be unhappy at times. But, he will know that you love him and that you are fair.

[ArmsOfLove]

this can be very difficult with AP relationships but can you just disengage from the roller coaster ride and let him be who and how he is near you without taking responsibility for it? I didn't get this idea until ds was freaking out and I was all caught up in trying to comfort him and I looked over to see dd playing with her toes :scratch How come she wasn't on the roller coaster? Answer--good emotional boundaries :yes I'm still not great at it but I can catch it early now :hug2